Being asked to make meals for new mums

[Paquitalaflor]

Feel free to crucify me but I am irked. I have been added to a Whats app group by someone local in my village, along with about 16 other people, asking us to make meals (fresh, freezable, etc) for some new first time mums in the village. I have been asked this before and mentioned that with a full time job, two kids of my own and regularly being on my own as my husband travels a lot, I struggle to cook meals for my own family, let alone someone else's. I offered up a bag of chicken dippers and everyone laughed at my drollness.

BUT ACTUALLY.... JUST MAKE YOUR OWN FECKING FOOD!!! It isn't hard! When I had a newborn and a two year old and my husband was working away and I could hardly walk due to a nasty c-section that woudn't heal, I made my own food! I had food delivered to my house, some of it was fresh ingredients, some of it was ready meals, some of it was delivered on a moped. Literally no one in the village offered me food and if they did, I would feel a bit weird about it.

In this day and age, it isn't hard to source food. Will you be tired?! Yes. Will your other children eat fewer vegetables than they should? Probably yes. But christ alive, that is what parenting and motherhood is..... I would rather be offered food now when there is work and school and activities, rather than when they slept most of the day and we all had nothing else to do. AIBU?

Wtf?! Is this a thing?

Everything is ‘a thing’. That’s where the word everyTHING comes from.

Worse midnightmisssuki, it’s an American ‘thing’.

How awful eh?

I think it sounds like a really nice idea. If you don't want to get involved just come out of the group no explanation needed. I wouldn't see it as they all can't cook a meal, but it's just nice to help a new family out with one less job to do.

We have quite a nice little community spirit on our area, it's just nice to be nice if you can. I certainly wouldn't be getting all worked up about because you can't or don't want to help.

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer thank you so much, I'm near glasgow these days, DH is going to batch cook on his day off so there's light at the end of the tunnel.

After our experience I always ask pregnant friends if they'd like any meals - I'd rather ask and have them say no, than them end up feeling isolated and struggling like we were. Most of them have said yes. One said she didn't think she'd need meals cooking but could I drop in sometimes to play with her older child after the younger sibling arrived. Which I also did.

I know some people cope well with a newborn but we really struggled. I developed PND very quickly (diagnosed at 4 weeks) and I can remember feeling totally overwhelmed that I'd also got to find time to cut my baby's fingernails - it was that sort of level of struggling to cope. So, yes, we did spend weeks living on ready meals!

I think people are still missing the point its not people you've never met making you food, its people that you see every week at church, that you've lived near for years and grown up with etc, your friends mum (whose home you've already been in). The problem with community disappearing is that many people have no support at vulnerable times and can't imagine a source of help they'd feel comfortable with.

Surely this should be voluntary. OK to be asked... but just say yes or no.
I have cooked for people occassionally when asked by a group but hate it ...as I don't really cook. I feel under pressure to come up with a lovely meal where as we normally eat very simple stuff heated up. Some people love cooking and don't mind. But we all have different things we're good at and different amounts of time/money etc. I hate the pressure to join in with things I don't feel comfortable with and like you I start to feel resentful - no one did that for me. etc. which is hardly a positive thing! Please don't feel bad and say you've thought about it and it isn't the right thing for you to do at the moment/