Being asked to make meals for new mums

[Paquitalaflor]

Feel free to crucify me but I am irked. I have been added to a Whats app group by someone local in my village, along with about 16 other people, asking us to make meals (fresh, freezable, etc) for some new first time mums in the village. I have been asked this before and mentioned that with a full time job, two kids of my own and regularly being on my own as my husband travels a lot, I struggle to cook meals for my own family, let alone someone else's. I offered up a bag of chicken dippers and everyone laughed at my drollness.

BUT ACTUALLY.... JUST MAKE YOUR OWN FECKING FOOD!!! It isn't hard! When I had a newborn and a two year old and my husband was working away and I could hardly walk due to a nasty c-section that woudn't heal, I made my own food! I had food delivered to my house, some of it was fresh ingredients, some of it was ready meals, some of it was delivered on a moped. Literally no one in the village offered me food and if they did, I would feel a bit weird about it.

In this day and age, it isn't hard to source food. Will you be tired?! Yes. Will your other children eat fewer vegetables than they should? Probably yes. But christ alive, that is what parenting and motherhood is..... I would rather be offered food now when there is work and school and activities, rather than when they slept most of the day and we all had nothing else to do. AIBU?

Out of interest OP- how many of the 16 that were added to the group are Male?

I appreciated this a lot when I had DS. I'd also planned in advance and filled my own freezer.

The problem here is the WhatsApp group asking you all to do this - bizarre. I'm sure it's kindly meant, but it's for you to volunteer, not be ordered to do it!

The snobbery on this thread that people can even afford takeaway or cook meals (they’re not exactly cheap)

It’s snobbery to think people can cook their own dinners?

Yes, it seems these days that people can't seem to function as humans after becoming parents.

And if they can’t cook their own meals then they need the meal train all year round regardless of newborns surely?

This is something that is very established and appreciated in my community. No one is being saintly. Not everyone is like you, OP. I struggled after the 3rd and 4th c-sections, and really appreciated not having to worry about making dinner.

When I am doing it, I just batch cook. It's not difficult.

If you don't want to, then just say no.

But YABVVVU for the nasty and judgemental comments on what sounds to be a positive and supportive community.

@ WireBrushAndDettolMaam That wasn’t what I said at all. Lots of comments have been ‘if you can’t cook just order in or buy frozen ready meals’ - hence my reply that they’re not cheap and it’s not necessarily affordable. Not sure why you think I’m implying new mums and dads suddenly can’t cook, I was specifically referring to the cost of takeaways or frozen meals.

Someone tries to do something nice and you seem personally offended U OK Hun?

In all seriousness just leave the group. People are being kind and trying to ease what is a difficult time for people. I would love it if someone did that for me! (I'm very pregnant and pre preparing a tonne of meals in advance to deal with life with a newborn).

My son was a nightmare for the first 12 weeks. We slept and ate in shifts. Something like this would have been wonderful.

Yes, it seems these days that people can't seem to function as humans after becoming parents.

I struggled to for the first few weeks. I don't think that's particularly unusual is it?

It's all very strange and precious. And lol at Midwich!

It’s snobbery to think people can cook their own dinners?
I thought the poster meant COOK dinners as in from the expensive naice shop, cook.

Luckily - being both childless and not part of any community -I'm not likely to ever be asked to contribute to anything like this or indeed be offered help. However, if I did I would definitely ask whether the recipients were MNetters.....and if so then I'd gently and politely refuse as my hygiene levels wouldn't possibly meet Michelin star restaurant kitchen standards and my lasagne why is it always a lasagne? would end up in the bin and I'd be the subject of a thread in nere

@dementedmagie Yes I did. I see where the confusion has come from - I meant COOK the shop not the verb ‘to cook’

That wasn’t what I said at all.

This is what you said.

The snobbery on this thread that people can even afford takeaway or cook meals (they’re not exactly cheap)

I thought the poster meant COOK dinners as in from the expensive naice shop, cook.

Thank you! I’ve never heard of that shop. I don’t think we have it here in NI. Apologies to @OrangeSlices998 if that is what you meant.

Xpost. I took cook to mean the verb.

YABU and bitchy. Ffs just because you managed and no one helped you out by making you meals, that doesn't mean that everyone else should just deal with it too.

No one is making you help you. Just say no, sorry don't have the time, and move on. My mil used to bring meals round for us when I'd had both kids and I could've kissed her. It was one less thing to do or add to the mental load list.

What next? hand knitting socks for pfb from hand woven himalayan yaks wool?? Away to feck!
If it was for isolated elderly people I’d be in about that.

Yabu. Two of my mum friends are part of a church that has a tradition that 2 weeks of meals are given to new mums. Thought it was a lovely idea. My mum friends done meals for other mums too. Just a community thing

We always did this at the large Church i used to go to in the south east. Most of us lived far away from family and it was a lovely thing to do. I think our culture is so hard on new mums who are just expected to bounce back and manage everything. I had moved to a small town in the north when i had my first baby - most people lived near family and had support from them so there was no culture of making meals for new parents in our new church, though they were very nice! I did feel slightly sad, especially as our family was no help (actually the very opposite)

I think our culture is so hard on new mums who are just expected to bounce back and manage everything.

Not in my experience. I had easy births but I sat on my arse and breastfed. My husband managed everything, which is pretty standard behaviour in modern times. It was the same for all of my friends. Even when he went back to work, he made sure there was loads of food for me to eat one-handed and cooked dinner every night.

Having recently had a new baby, the last thing I'd have wanted is potential food poisoning from eg incorrectly prepared or stored food no matter how kind the intention.

My point is that elderly people are in more real danger from food poisoning than young mothers, so that would be a very bad reason to refuse to cook for young mothers when the OP intends to cook for elderly people instead. If the OP prefers to cook for elderly people that's up to her but there is no sense in her trying to pretend she's doing young mothers a favour by not cooking for them.

Secondly, how the heck do you even know what they like to eat? They might be gluten intolerant, vegetarian, have religious food preferences, or they might just be really picky about what they like to eat!

And elderly people aren't? They don't get to be picky or have likes and dislikes or religious preferences? Perhaps there aren't so many elderly vegetarians, but are you saying gluten intolerance really is just some young people's fad? Or are you saying she shouldn't bother cooking for anyone because they might not like it?

Nobody is suggesting everybody has to receive a cooked meal, just that it be available for those who would like it. Preparation would be on a rota and any food intolerances taken into account. However no one has to do it either, it's voluntary.

The elderly can have meals on wheels and there are places like Wiltshire Farm Foods if they can afford it but new parents can't always afford food deliveries.

It's a good idea for those who would like it but not compulsory.

Virtue signalling on the back of others efforts and money!

Laudable if people volunteer to do this kind of thing or for friends/family.

But out of order to volunteer others to do so without at least asking (politely) first.

And I’d bet good money this lady bountiful hasn’t thought to ask the receiving mums if they’re interested first too.

As a new mum I’d have hated it. I’m vegetarian and also wary of food poisoning issues (ocd) plus I can’t tolerate spicy foods or citrus fruits plus a few other anomalies, ex had a couple of food allergies inc a life threatening one - I’ll bet she’s not considered anything like that!

“Does this group also help out people who fall ill and the elderly?” Doubt it - that’s not as “cool” is it?

I think it's a lovely idea, but if you don't want to do it, don't dwell on it, leave the group and move on with your life.

There's an old quote I kept hearing when I had my little one "it's take a village to raise a child" and I think in some ways if new mothers were more supported and not this "I did it so why can't you attitude" they wouldn't feel so much pressure and struggle with mental health.

I was lucky and my mum batched cooked for me and it was a god send, maybe this lady doesn't have any family close by........

For those calling sexism, if men gave birth the goverment would provide a month of COOK meals to them .