Being asked to make meals for new mums

[Paquitalaflor]

Feel free to crucify me but I am irked. I have been added to a Whats app group by someone local in my village, along with about 16 other people, asking us to make meals (fresh, freezable, etc) for some new first time mums in the village. I have been asked this before and mentioned that with a full time job, two kids of my own and regularly being on my own as my husband travels a lot, I struggle to cook meals for my own family, let alone someone else's. I offered up a bag of chicken dippers and everyone laughed at my drollness.

BUT ACTUALLY.... JUST MAKE YOUR OWN FECKING FOOD!!! It isn't hard! When I had a newborn and a two year old and my husband was working away and I could hardly walk due to a nasty c-section that woudn't heal, I made my own food! I had food delivered to my house, some of it was fresh ingredients, some of it was ready meals, some of it was delivered on a moped. Literally no one in the village offered me food and if they did, I would feel a bit weird about it.

In this day and age, it isn't hard to source food. Will you be tired?! Yes. Will your other children eat fewer vegetables than they should? Probably yes. But christ alive, that is what parenting and motherhood is..... I would rather be offered food now when there is work and school and activities, rather than when they slept most of the day and we all had nothing else to do. AIBU?

Not an unreasonable attitude. I imagine the person setting it up wants to be seen as some kind of community angel. I imagine their efforts would be better targeted at elderly or infirm people who could also do with company. But that's not as glamorous as an excuse to cuddle babies!

YABU to be so bothered by it

Yanbu
Whilst the organiser is clearly trying to help and be nice, you already have more than enough going on and are not in a position to do this. Just tell the organiser that.

In the words of the cast of Grange Hill, ‘Just Say No’. Click a button, leave the group, move on with your life.

It may not be something you want to be involved with but that doesn't mean it's not appreciated by others. Leave the WhatsApp group and let the rest of them get on with it if you're not interested. FWIW, I really appreciated the week of hot meals delivered to my home by members of the church after DD2 was born and when life's less hectic, will probably volunteer to join a similar rota again.

Just say no.

It’s a nice thing to do for someone who has just had a baby.

I find it easier to cook now mine are older as when they were little they were either breastfeeding or sleeping on me, they didnt nap in a cot til they were a bit older. If I had someone to hold the baby then great, if not, I was grabbing snacks and trying to eat them over the baby.

Saying that, I'd have preferred vouchers for food eg m and s or something rather than someone I didnt know cooking for me as our tastes would probably be very different .

Presumably it's a request not a demand, as someone thought it would be a nice thing to do for someone else. And if they've not put further pressure on you when you've said no then I dont see why you seem annoyed by it.

What, if anything, is your relationship with the new mums? A couple of (childless) friends visited and cooked for us after DD1 and that was lovely. They ate it too though, it wasn’t meals on wheels. No one cared when we had DD2 too though.

It’s a lovely thing to do but should be from one friend to another .

I voted YANBU but I think you were being slightly U to be sarcastic on the group chat with the chicken dippers. Just don't take part. But no need to have a strop.
Arrangements like this can benefit more than just the new parents: sometimes lonely older neighbours might want to cook/bring gifts etc and feel a bit like a part of the new family. That's not relevant to you. So don't take part.

How very American suburb-like!

You are not unreasonable. It is just weird.

YANBU.

I'd have been a bit irked if random neighbours started knocking my door with pre-prepared meals when I'd had DD, and as you say, you don't have the time nor the inclination.

YANBU how ridiculous, the poor woman will probably end up trying to find space for 16 meals in her freezer she may or may not want. This would annoy me too, she probably thinks she being the village florence nightingale

I think Gammeldragz has hit the nail on the head actually. It is the "do-gooding, sainted mummies" brigade of the village which is what pisses me off. How I ended up lumped in that group, I don't know, but by default I have to show what a horrid and selfish person I am by ignoring it all or leaving the group.

I think yabu but I understand where you are coming from. You had it hard but this is an opportunity to make it easier for someone else.
Can you just make an extra batch when you are doing your usual family meal?
I'm sure it would go a long way for someone else.
I do get though this might get out of hand, someone having a baby every month.

YANBU. There are so many delivery services nowadays. We use Cook for home delivered ready meals when time is tight; I think they do a special offer package for new parents.

If I had time to cook for someone else, I'd be more inclined to do it for someone elderly, who might be less able to manage internet ordering.

Does this group also help out people who fall ill and the elderly?

If so, isn't this exactly the type of thing that would come in helpful for you, if you were to fall ill with two children, a full time job and a dh out of range in a pinch? Maybe not with regards to food specifically but as community of people helping each other out in a pinch?

I’m not sure it’s what being a mum is “about”. It’s lovely if friends are able to help. You aren’t a friend so it’s weird to ask you. Just say no.

Don't know why I wrote in a pinch twice, clearly my brain is failing and you should disregard the above.

YANBU. Leave the group. Let the
do-gooders crack on. Personally, I wouldn’t eat anything from anyone in the village until I’d seen the inside of their kitchens.

I get where you are coming from but I guess you were just not the target they were intending. There will be other people out there who do have spare time to do this, and it's a lovely gesture. Not everyone is lucky enough to have friends or family to offer extra support. Of course they could do it themself, but you write in your own post that it was difficult!

I didn't offer the chicken dippers in the group chat, it was another time when asked face to face! I have get schtum for the mo, in the most recent request for meals.
That is very good point about some poor person needing to find storage space or freezer space for 16 cottage pies!

YABU.

It's a kind thought. Just don't contribute if you don't want to. I don't think your attitude of "well nobody helped me" is particularly nice to be honest.

Are they all single parents? The ones with the new babies.

YANBU. I wouldn't want to do this either.

What with food allergies, I hope whoever organises this has the common sense ot provide lists of ingredients to the recipients as well.