Neighbour complaining that we're noisy

[MrBobLobLaw]

So we're having a bit of an ongoing issue with our neighbours below us. We only moved in 7 weeks ago. When we moved in I was 4 days overdue DC2, who arrived 5 days after that. We also have a 2yo who is very... two. So it's been a busy time and pretty full on.

We're on the ground floor and the neighbours are below us in the basement flat of a Victorian conversion. Obviously the floors are thin, such is the nature of the building, we hear the people above us walking about too but we have a rug down and try to be mindful as their bedroom is below our front room/kitchen.

They've complained twice before- once face to face when they knocked on the door in the evening when the baby was 2weeks old. I was obviously pretty flustered but said we'd do something. The second time was by text. Thing is the time they're complaining about (9-11pm ish) is when DC1 is in bed anyway and we have to do some degree of tidying during that time.

Anyway we got another text this morning saying can we be quieter in the morning, that 6:45 is early and can we be mindful of them. Obviously I sympathise, the couple who lived here before didn't have kids and were away a lot I think so it must have been quieter for them all round. They also don't have kids so wouldn't really understand that you can just shush a 2 year old or tell them that 6:45 is a bit early. As soon as we're up i put on the TV and I make DC1s breakfast so that he's sitting as much as possible.. but he's two! He wants to play and walk around. I feel like he's taking the brunt of it as I'm always having to tell him to be quiet, walk softer etc when really he's not doing anything wrong he's just being two.

Anyway we've been polite and apologetic thus far and tried to satiate them but we live here too and I can't make the building not Victorian. I'm knackered from looking after both DCs (not their problem i know) and feel like I'm doing all we can do be quiet for them.

WIBU to send the following text? :

Morning Neighbour, I’m doing the best I can with a 2 year old and a newborn to contend with now DPs back at work. If I could keep them both asleep and in bed for longer I would. Perhaps some earplugs might help.

Is that too rude?

Is it possible they are hearing the front door and noise from other neighbours going upstairs and blaming you for that?

Id just ignore them because complaining neighbours tend to complain no matter what you do and going from the flat being empty mostly to a family living there was going to be a shock for them

Hi I’ve been there, in fact I’m still there! (I’m also a solicitor in an unrelated field).

Your children’s health and your mental health come first. Get that carpet to protect yourself a bit more from some of the smoke. That will also give you the moral high ground both re noise and smoke. Having the moral high ground is a powerful thing.

When you sell (or they sell!) you/they need to disclose any correspondence with neighbours. So you have a long term common interest in keeping discussions both face to face and civil.

We brought our newborn home from hospital and went straight downstairs with the baby and aleaflet from the hospital about the effect of second hand smoke.

....and good Luck!

It's extraordinary that there are still posters feeling sympathy for the neighbours and telling the OP to be accommodating. Some of you seem to think that the complaining neighbours are always in the right? Even after the OP mentioned that these put upon neighbours smoke cannabis outside.

I was thinking about the carpet thing earlier but problem is our kitchen is in the front room and it's a funny layout (not a typical kitchen, it's kind of modular) anyway we couldn't have carpet in this area so realistically only a quarter of the room could be carpeted in any event. So don't think that'd really work.

All furniture has felt pads and the dining table and chairs are on top of a different rug. So currently we have 3 rugs and a foam playmat in the front room.

The '9-11 tidying' is actually more like 9-9:30 cleaning fyi. Just me picking up any clothes/toddler detritus from the floor and stacking the dishwasher (that we don't turn on until the next morning to minimise noise) then wiping down the worktop and dining table. Not hoovering or anything like that.

The weed smoking is sporadic as is the fire pit, hence why I didn't mention it in my OP, but sorry for drip feed.

I didn't give her my number, a different neighbour has my number and he added us all to a group chat so she got it that way.

If you didn't give them your mobile number, then in your shoes I would block their number. I would be very cross about that in your shoes, that wasn't on at all.

take toddler out for a walk if he wakes early What? Are you for real?? In the cold/wet/damp/or even nice weather, get 2 little children up, changed and out of the door so CF neighbours can have an extra hour sleep?

Sheesh Ive heard it all now!

I would lay an extra thick underlay and carpet if you are planning to be there a while and therefore neighbour is important to you

My personal favourite suggestion @BloggersBlog was from the two (two!!) posters who advised that I up and move, 7 weeks after buying the place. A totally reasonable and justifiable suggestion.

Well if you do take that batshit suggestion, make sure you advertise the house for people who hover when they walk and creep around their own home if they do dare touch the floor, and have NO CHILDREN - EVER!!!

You're right @BloggersBlog. It was apparently selfish of me to even buy a flat knowing that I have two children. When I find that extra £750k lying about I'll go ahead and buy a house in my area of London.

I live in a Victorian conversion, we aren't allowed wooden or laminate flooring for this reason and between the ground and base flats they had to end up sound proofing it due to it causing so much trouble.

In that case I’m out of ideas. Just try to keep it friendly for strategic long term reasons.

Unfortunately nothing works! We live in a Victorian house and DS (18) has the attic room above us. It's been boarded over the original boards, has the thickest underlay we could find, deep carpet and a large rug. It's been plaster boarded and has new solid oak doors. Can still hear every sound and he is very mindful (most of the time!)
They're gonna have to get used to it or smoke more weed to sleep heavier!

You need to carpet the living room, with good quality sound-deadening underlay too. It is the only thing that makes any real difference.

Absolutely this. Get the best possible underlay you can afford, the thicker the better, and carpet on top. It will make a massive difference.

My council includes a clause in tenancy agreements for all flats on upper floors that specifies floors must be carpeted. When I was working helping homeless people get housed, I used to apply for charitable grants so that they could get carpets.

But I don't even think we could carpet the front room as it's also our kitchen. We couldn't have thick, insulating carpet in the area where we cook and prepare meals as it would be unhygienic as well as a fire risk. If we carpeted just the living room area it would only be about a quarter of the room and therefore kinda pointless anyway surely?

There's loads of different specialist flooring now like spongey wood like Lino. Maybe there's a solution. A flooring company might be able to advise on acoustics. I think downstairs need to do stuff too. You wanna get on otherwise you'll probably have this with every set of neighbours. Is that why the previous people left?

Op moved in 7 weeks ago. She is the new neighbours.

Yeah I realise that. But maybe if a solution can't be found with current neighbours, they may move she'll have this problem with the next lot too.

Well they'll need to deal with it. It's part the parcel of deciding to buy a basement flat that was never meant to be a flat.

This is a difficult situation.
You have a right to live comfortably in your own home OP and two children can’t simply be silenced.
However the neighbours have the same right and unfortunately they currently conflict with one another!

The responsibility is on adults to ensure their choices don’t negativity effect others. Whilst it’s not your ‘fault’ it does sound like you knew the kids noise would bother the neighbours in this type of property but chose to buy anyway as it was in budget/the right area.

You’ve moved two kids into a property with downstairs neighbours and thin floors, I think you were asking for trouble from the start!

I think as long as you have stoppers under your chairs to stop a scraping noise, rugs down and other soft furnishings to absorb the noise, then there is little you can do.

My DC are early risers (6:45 is very reasonable), and family above us have no schedule and their young DC are often still running around at 10pm.

We are completely at odds with each other.

C'est la vie... i won't gag or muffle kids in their own homes

Gift Wrap them up two pairs of ear defenders from ScrewFix and give it to them as a peace offering.
Don't apologise, you are living with a 2 year old and a baby and it will stress you up trying to keep them quiet for neighbours sake - live your life as you would normally.
Miserable bastards, if they don't like the noise from neighbours above them they shouldnt live in a basement flat!!

I can see both sides, I remember being in dispair in my early 20s living in my durst flat in London with a couple with a newborn underneath me, felt like I was in the same room the crying was so loud. It t

Unfortunately it is part and parcel of living in a conversion, and both the op and the neighbours will unfortunately have to deal with the stress of it.

I think efforts have to be made not to be inconsiderate, with washing machine use and TV noise etc, as well as not being heavy footed when walking or scraping furniture across the floor. You do have to live in a slightly different way. But walking generally can't be sanctioned even if it is at 6am,which is when a lot of people get ready for work so not stupidly early.

I would look into soundproofing options and find a solution that you can afford and are happy with. I'd then text neighbours and say this is what you're going to do to try and help the situation but that you're not doing anything excessively noisy and you're already being as quiet as is possible with the age of your children,so there's nothing more you can do. I'd then not engage with the neighbours any further on the subject.

*despair