Neighbour complaining that we're noisy

[MrBobLobLaw]

So we're having a bit of an ongoing issue with our neighbours below us. We only moved in 7 weeks ago. When we moved in I was 4 days overdue DC2, who arrived 5 days after that. We also have a 2yo who is very... two. So it's been a busy time and pretty full on.

We're on the ground floor and the neighbours are below us in the basement flat of a Victorian conversion. Obviously the floors are thin, such is the nature of the building, we hear the people above us walking about too but we have a rug down and try to be mindful as their bedroom is below our front room/kitchen.

They've complained twice before- once face to face when they knocked on the door in the evening when the baby was 2weeks old. I was obviously pretty flustered but said we'd do something. The second time was by text. Thing is the time they're complaining about (9-11pm ish) is when DC1 is in bed anyway and we have to do some degree of tidying during that time.

Anyway we got another text this morning saying can we be quieter in the morning, that 6:45 is early and can we be mindful of them. Obviously I sympathise, the couple who lived here before didn't have kids and were away a lot I think so it must have been quieter for them all round. They also don't have kids so wouldn't really understand that you can just shush a 2 year old or tell them that 6:45 is a bit early. As soon as we're up i put on the TV and I make DC1s breakfast so that he's sitting as much as possible.. but he's two! He wants to play and walk around. I feel like he's taking the brunt of it as I'm always having to tell him to be quiet, walk softer etc when really he's not doing anything wrong he's just being two.

Anyway we've been polite and apologetic thus far and tried to satiate them but we live here too and I can't make the building not Victorian. I'm knackered from looking after both DCs (not their problem i know) and feel like I'm doing all we can do be quiet for them.

WIBU to send the following text? :

Morning Neighbour, I’m doing the best I can with a 2 year old and a newborn to contend with now DPs back at work. If I could keep them both asleep and in bed for longer I would. Perhaps some earplugs might help.

Is that too rude?

I say this nicely. But....fuck them.

It's your home, if they are so fixated with having a silent neighbor then move to a detached house in a sleepy village. My neighbour has 4 kids, we constantly hear them screaming/crying/giggling. That's life I'm afraid, if I had the money I'd buy a detached but I can't. And they are children!!! Let them live.

Don't let it stress you out x

Op, I’d just be honest. Text them back... ‘I’m sorry I’m not sure what you expect us to do, we live a relatively quiet life for a young family with two young children. We take out shoes off inside the flat, we have even put two rugs down on top of each other in the kitchen living area. It’s unfortunate that you are being disturbed by the noise of us going about our daily business but we really are trying to be considerate to the best of our abilities.

Don’t be tempted to tell them that you’ll do better or make any further adjustments, you’ll be tortured everytime you so much as sneeze. You can’t do any more so they’ll just have to suck it up or pay for soundproofing their ceilings.

Good luck! And congratulations on the new baby (who sounds like a dream btw!)

I realise there isn't much you can do apart from sound proofing and having carpet put down, but I really do sympathise with your neighbours.
I live in a converted Victorian building too and my upstairs neighbours have wood flooring, it's unbelievably loud even though they are quiet people. If they drop something small like a spoon, in my flat it sounds like they've smashed a hammer onto the floor. They also tend to do their cleaning at 9pm every day and it does sound like they are moving furniture and dragging it around the floor, obviously they aren't dragging all they furniture around every night but that is what their normal cleaning sounds like. If they had kids I think it would send me over the edge. When I've been in their flat they aren't being noisy at all but from my flat it sounds so loud.
I think people underestimate how much wood floors amplify any noise.

Yeah it is a bit.

Can you use an iPad instead of the telly in the short term as they’re not as loud and long term DEFINITELY look at getting a carpet, I know you probably shouldn’t have to but it will make a big difference to what your neighbours can hear and hopefully stop the complaining. Boards just amplify noise I find.

Why the hell should she use an ipad instead of the TV?!! Tell them to sod off and buy a house. And dont feel you need to shhh your kids poor pets.

I think you have been and are very considerate. You have enough on your plate to cope with without having to spend so much mental energy being conscious of going about your daily life and trying to keep your toddler (who is coping with life with a newborn and presumably getting less attention) calm, quiet etc.

I would be mindful of not setting the washing machine past 8pm or whatever, playing loud music, or doing a work out video or salsa dancing in your heels on your wooden floors but otherwise they have to cope.

I had a similar situation. I started trying to be quieter and once they sensed they could text me and I’d moderate my behaviour they just kept going at me. It reached breaking point when I had 4 people over for a Saturday lunch for my birthday (and I was too nervous to do it in the evening) and I couldn’t relax as I was worried about the noise. And then, sure enough the lady knocked on my door, asking me if we could keep it down. My friends all heard. She ruined my whole day and it was my first birthday I had celebrated in years. After that, I had to tell her gently to leave me alone.

I would just ignore any messages from them. If they want to discuss something they can knock on your door and have a chat with you. You are not making a racket, it is just day to day living. Let them sound-proof their ceiling if they want silence.

it does sound like you knew the kids noise would bother the neighbours in this type of property but chose to buy anyway as it was in budget/the right area.

How did she 'know'? Psychic powers? Not all neighbours would complain. Certainly not while smoking weed and lighting fires.

it does sound like you knew the kids noise would bother the neighbours in this type of property but chose to buy anyway as it was in budget/the right area. How dare you buy a place that suits you and you can afford!!

This really is the thread that keeps on giving

Just send the msg minus the ear plugs comment and fuck ‘em.

ive lived in a flat been frustrated by noise from above but as it was a family who werent blasting music or going out there way to be a nuisance i never complained . i live in a house now next door to the child ( aged 7) and parent from hell and still dont complain its not like the child will understand and change her behaviour is it , maybe they need a new home

I would say - we’re doing the best we can, but kids are not silent - and it might get worse as they get older - although they may get up a bit later. We’ll do our best, we are mindful of you underneath as we hear the people above but I can’t promise you silence, it just won’t happen. Bye.

Just speak to them... no more texts.

Invite them over for a cuppa and just explain that whilst you sympathise and will do all you can to curb excess noise, they are (despite what they think) not complaining about excessive noise. They are complaining about day to day living noise and you have to live your life and will do so doing forward.

Offer the comparison that it's one thing to complain about late night parties, loud music early in the morning, screaming rows 24/7 or dogs barking at all hours but this is not what is happening and they need to have some perspective or they will risk ruining your neighbourly relationship.

There's no way a family of 4 can live noise free, they are not being realistic. It's time they understood that.

I've had noisy and frankly horrible neighbours so I'm not unsympathetic but these guys need a reality check.

7am is really not that early and to be expected. I'd have a nice chat too and just explain that you've minimised as much as you can... perhaps ask what specifically is bothering them? TV/chatter/footsteps..?
Not that much else you can do!

I think it’s fine. I’ve had truly noisy neighbours, being excessively noisy on purpose. They had 2 small children who we could hear sometimes but I didn’t mind at all, it was all the other stuff that was awful. If you own the house there isn’t anything much they can do.

They think its bad now,. Wait til your second is up and running around joining in the fun lol

I would 100% send that text op

Hi OP,

I don’t agree with some suggestions on here such as putting headphones on a 2 year old....
as allot of others have said, it’s your home too which you have bought. You need to be able to live in your home and not constantly be worried about noise within reason. The noises are normal for a family and within reason.. you can’t do anything else...
If you feel you need to reply as you would prefer to answer the message I would be honest ‘ we appreciate the noise as we can hear allot from our neighbours also but I’m afraid this is part of living in flats/apartments’ and I would leave it as that. You can’t do anymore than you are already are and I wouldn’t keep justifying yourself, your doing nothing wrong. Just look after yourself and your little ones right now. And enjoy those precious moments with your newest addition.
If this message again after that I would ignore it going forward as not much else you can say

6.45 is NOT early with small children. Mine were often up a lot earlier than that. If they want quiet they should move. I think you have been more than polite so far. Don't think I would have been so patient with them. I had 4 under 5.5, so no quiet here!! There was a time when there seemed to alway one of them crying! Plus yes of course you have to do the tidying/cleaning when they are in bed, when else!

I know @Mgr1603! I'm genuinely worried about that! It really is only going to get noisier and I can only do so much!

I did send a text in the end basically saying what measures we'd taken to reduce noise and that there wasn't much more we could do but that we're sorry that they are being inconvenienced.

I think their gripe is that they didn't have the problem with the couple before.. but they were a couple with no kids and they both worked full time. They lived a very different lifestyle to us and were probably much quieter. Anyway she said they're thinking of putting up sound proofing on their ceiling so I hope that if they do that it helps. But yeah we're just going to carry on as we are tbh as I feel like I'm already do as much as I can.

I thought it was against many leases to have wooden floors in an upstairs flat - because it causes the problems you're having here. Can a carpet not be put down?

Sorry, just seen the post where you say carpet is not really possible. Wooden flooring is causing the problem I would think. Maybe you can add some insulation to it. Might mean taking it up and relaying which is no mean feat but proper insulation may have been overlooked when it went down.

I live in a large purpose built GFF built in 1929. My upstairs neighbour lived above an empty flat for over a year then a resident who was deaf so heard little. She asked me to not have a quiet chat with grown up son after 11pm as it disturbed her, not to slam door which was due to wind rather than temper and generally keep it quiet. She's not my landlord.
We are not noisy, we all work and her floorboards are very loose and woke me nightly when she got up for the loo.
She refused to get them screwed down. She then changed her mind. Then she emailed me seven pages of nastiness accusing me of harassment. Then the police called as she'd complained about me.
I had a breakdown over it all.
She refuses to speak to me and I've had all my ceilings insulated to reduce her noise. Which can be considerable as she only has original floorboards in kitchen so echo and the noise awful but she will not do anything about it. Breaching our leasehold agreement. She's dreadfully unhinged.

You have to ensure proper flooring, not rugs over floorboards, that's no use which means echo and transference of noise will be massive. You have to do all you can flooring wise.
There's always noise but you all have a responsibility for this.

If you had read my posts @Liketoshop you would have seen that many times I stated that it is not bare floorboards that we have in the front room. Rather, we have interlocking herringbone wood flooring laid on a layer of underlay on top of mdf board on top of the floor boards. Then two great bloody huge rugs doubled up on top of that.

I'm sorry about your batshit neighbour.

I'm a mother of a toddler too and frankly, I have every sympathy with you. I wouldn't bother inviting them in and all that listening to yourself from downstairs advice. Send your text minus the headphones and ignore any further comms from them.

The only thing I'd do is check your lease. My old flat had a clause that I couldn't have wooden flooring due to noise. If it does have a clause then you'll have to put down carpet. But it sounds like you've done your best.

Don't live like a hermit just to please others. It's your home, let your children live and play.