Neighbour complaining that we're noisy

[MrBobLobLaw]

So we're having a bit of an ongoing issue with our neighbours below us. We only moved in 7 weeks ago. When we moved in I was 4 days overdue DC2, who arrived 5 days after that. We also have a 2yo who is very... two. So it's been a busy time and pretty full on.

We're on the ground floor and the neighbours are below us in the basement flat of a Victorian conversion. Obviously the floors are thin, such is the nature of the building, we hear the people above us walking about too but we have a rug down and try to be mindful as their bedroom is below our front room/kitchen.

They've complained twice before- once face to face when they knocked on the door in the evening when the baby was 2weeks old. I was obviously pretty flustered but said we'd do something. The second time was by text. Thing is the time they're complaining about (9-11pm ish) is when DC1 is in bed anyway and we have to do some degree of tidying during that time.

Anyway we got another text this morning saying can we be quieter in the morning, that 6:45 is early and can we be mindful of them. Obviously I sympathise, the couple who lived here before didn't have kids and were away a lot I think so it must have been quieter for them all round. They also don't have kids so wouldn't really understand that you can just shush a 2 year old or tell them that 6:45 is a bit early. As soon as we're up i put on the TV and I make DC1s breakfast so that he's sitting as much as possible.. but he's two! He wants to play and walk around. I feel like he's taking the brunt of it as I'm always having to tell him to be quiet, walk softer etc when really he's not doing anything wrong he's just being two.

Anyway we've been polite and apologetic thus far and tried to satiate them but we live here too and I can't make the building not Victorian. I'm knackered from looking after both DCs (not their problem i know) and feel like I'm doing all we can do be quiet for them.

WIBU to send the following text? :

Morning Neighbour, I’m doing the best I can with a 2 year old and a newborn to contend with now DPs back at work. If I could keep them both asleep and in bed for longer I would. Perhaps some earplugs might help.

Is that too rude?

Yes very happy now.

Feels like it was recent but it was years ago.

*I don't understand why you have to let your DC into the living room if their bedroom is underneath it?

Can't they play in their room or in your room?*

Are you joking?! They are 2 and a baby. They deserve to be close to their caregiver, not in a room on their own.

^This. I think people say things like this, forgetting just how much supervision a 2 year old needs. My DDs are 10 and 7 now, and it's easy for me to forget that their 4 year old cousin needs a lot more supervision.

Not just that it's their home! They should absolutely use it as such.

Put a carpet in the front room with a rug, after that, not much you can do.

You could ask them to swap flats

@Thestrangestthing Mo, it wouldn't help them at all. The OP says she can hear the people moving around in the flat above her. They could be more noisy than the OP's family.

That was meant to say 'No' on the first line, not 'Mo'.

I completely missed that the OP gave them her phone number. DEFINITELY block it.

@Lizzie0869
Hmm good point.

@MrBobLobLaw To everyone saying just have a chat- pretty difficult as I'd have to bring along newborn and DC1 with me and it would become a 'don't touch that darling' exercise in between snatched conversation.

Errr....no.
You invite THEM to your flat so they can see the layout, your kids and they are on your territory.

Maybe you can ask them over after 7.30 when your 2 yr old is in bed.

Your 2nd message was even worse!

Quit the PA / snidey stuff about ear plugs - neighbours are hardly likely to think oh my why on earth didn’t we thing of earplugs 🙄

No way would I alter my as it was mindful existence for druggie neighbours...

@Junie70

Have you met a 2 year old or a baby?! They can't exactly be left to play in their rooms unsupervised. My DS is 3.5yrs and still does not play in his room as he wants to be near me and I need to supervise him (toddlers have a nasty habit of climbing or doing things that are unsafe because they aren't aware of consequences enough at that age). And clearly a newborn baby will need to be with mum and not just left 'playing' in its room.

In addition, OP mentioned that DC watch TV quietly and she gets them breakfast etc. Should they be expected to eat breakfast in their rooms?! What about other meals?

I know I'm coming across rudely, and I apologise for that as it's not my intention - I'm just trying to highlight how absurd your comment sounds to those of us with small DC's! It is, after all, OPs home as well as her DC and it's rather insane to simply tell them all not to go in the lounge/kitchen because it happens to be above their neighbours bedroom!

We did the same PickaChew - the people who lived below us heard every single footfall before the engineered wood went down.

I guess the only solution is carpet now OP :-(

Additional suggestions:

Take toddler out for a walk if he wakes up so early
Keep TV off until you get back
Put down fitted carpets with a decent underlay.
Invite them round for tea and cakes, and tell them you've done this. Ask them for any other suggestions.

Flats like this are designed for singles/couples not for family life and maybe you should have considered this before you moved in.

Wild horses could not get me to take my folder out for a walk at 6 am. That's ridiculous.

To be honest I think you'd be well within your rights to text them to say you will continue trying to keep the noise down, but whilst we're chatting could I request that you stop smoking weed outside, it's drifting into the room where my newborn sleeps. It should work both ways!

I live in a ground floor victorian flat and my upstairs neighbours have kids. So essentially I'm in the same position as your neighbours. I've never once complained about the noise, what are they supposed to do, cease to have children?

I think you've been as considerate as you can and they can't police what you do in your own home.

I had this. I put in a false ceiling. Helped a bit. They had their washing machine above our bedroom so there was still a lot of noise. They had no carpets in front room either so I could hear them put a cup down on floor. It's just shit but attractive Victorian conversions. Ideally we'd have agreed to no washing machines after certain hours. And they'd have put in a carpet- I do think wooden floors are selfish in flats. We moved due to it. Hopefully you and your neighbours can come up with a solution but I' suspect they'll move and it'll be an ongoing thing.

I agree with pp's who've said wait till your DH is home and then get him to set the 2yo free while he does some of the 9-11 cleaning routine. I did this when we lived under people & I was actually surprised at what made noise (and how much). Do you have felt pads on your tables & chair feet? That makes a huge difference!

Footfall noise (which is what this most likely is) is tough to beat without carpet & underlay and the tricky thing is that you get sensitised to it so it bothers you more than normal. Noise is one of the biggest reasons why people move so I feel for both of you!

I have to say I’d never move into a flat with people below me when I had 2 small children. That just isn’t going to work.

Hearing people banging & running around above you is hell. I feel for your neighbours!

Flats like this are designed for singles/couples

Flats like this were never designed at all, they were designed to be a house and then converted with varying degrees of bodgery. But the reality is it's all a lot of people, including families, can afford.

I think texting is cowardly and PA.

It's far far better to meet face to face- amazing how that can change things.

Hiding behind a screen is really not on for things like this.

Me being me would have just ordered a shit load of earplugs off amazon and everytime they whinge, post a couple of packs through their door....
But that is me, and I have the skin of a rhino so generally zero fucks are given!!