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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

703 replies

MoonBaby1 · 07/01/2020 22:10

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

OP posts:
user1493986150 · 07/01/2020 22:51

My neighbour also smokes weed in the garden. I have no judgment on them, they are nice friendly people, good neighbours, but the smell is strong and I can’t have my bedroom window open because of it. It’s not every night so I wouldn’t say anything to them but I think I probably would if it started becoming a regular thing. There’s not a lot of other places he can go to smoke if you have children in the house, but maybe if he cut back to not every night.

Aloe6 · 07/01/2020 22:53

I doubt everyone sees you as the nice family with two boys. They will see you as the family with a pothead father and two boys. He’s habitually using drugs while his children are in his care. Of course people will be judging you. Not to mention the antisocial smell, MH problems and legality of it.

GwenCooper81 · 07/01/2020 22:54

I hate the smell of weed. My neighbour smoke, it floats across the gardens and stinks my washing out. Antisocial and rude not to mention illegal.

BottleOfJameson · 07/01/2020 22:54

I don't think I could be bothered to care about this. I might be vaguely bothered in the summer if it was early evening and the smoke was coming into my garden (it's quite a pervasive smell and I would rather not walk around smelling of weed the next day) but if you were nice, quiet neighbours and this is the worst you do I'd be grateful!

Vividgreengpies · 07/01/2020 22:54

Honestly, I hate that my DH smokes weed in the garden. It’s a waste of money. I feel the same way about his cigarettes. He stinks most of the time and his teeth have yellowed so much over the years (huge tea drinker too). He wastes so much time in the night smoking in the garden. I resent it.
I wouldn’t care if my neighbour did this, as long as it didn’t affect my kids and I.

PuggyMum · 07/01/2020 22:54

We have a close relative who smokes a few a day and goes out to his shed as his wife won't let him smoke in the house.
When we visit the entire house reeks of the smell.
They don't notice at all but it makes me quite ill.

I'm not judgey per se but i just can't stand the smell and all the stoners don't really have much get up and go either.

GwenCooper81 · 07/01/2020 22:55

So, yes, I'd be judging you. Sorry OP I'm in my 30's so I don't think it's a generational thing. It's so bloody selfish!

june2007 · 07/01/2020 22:55

It stinks and I wouldn,t want my children seeing it and get ideas. Then again my husband has FND and for some smoking weed may help. (But it makes my oh giggly and sick with a massiv headache)

PuggyMum · 07/01/2020 22:57

Sorry should have said the stoners 'I know'.... I'm sure many less very active lives!

PuggyMum · 07/01/2020 22:58

Lead! Ffs!

Original poster
MoonBaby1 · 07/01/2020 22:59

It sounds about 50/50 on here. No neighbour has directly complained but I just don’t want us to be viewed like that.

FWIW I don’t think it’s scummy and I microdose edibles for period pain but I stay away from smoking nowerdays.

OP posts:
WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 07/01/2020 23:00

I would I am afraid. I hate the smell and I don't want my children witnessing people using drugs casually, and having to smell it either.

Somanysocks · 07/01/2020 23:01

It's not 50/50, it's 70/30.

Rubyupbeat · 07/01/2020 23:02

But other people are having to smell that stuff, also you have young children, they will eventually cotton on to what he smokes, believe me.
He needs to stop.
My friend is 57 and has smoked a spliff every night night for many years, he recently had a mild heart attack, and coming off the weed has really affected his moods, his sleep etc....its bloody addictive.

2020BetterBeBetter · 07/01/2020 23:02

You’re deluded if you think this thread is 50/50!

Somanysocks · 07/01/2020 23:03

And you will be viewed unfavourably but people in real life are too polite to complain.

notacooldad · 07/01/2020 23:04

No neighbour has directly complained but I just don’t want us to be viewed like that
I think you are already being viewed 'like that's as he has already commented on " the shite your boyfriend smokes"

Ronnie27 · 07/01/2020 23:05

I work for the council and weed smoke comes under ASB in our properties. People can and do get very upset about it.

JaniceBattersby · 07/01/2020 23:05

50/50 my arse.

I’d judge you. I’d think you were a bunch of scumbags setting a shitty example to your children.

DowntownAbby · 07/01/2020 23:05

Christ! Of course it's unacceptable!

SouthWestmom · 07/01/2020 23:06

I would say all the hand wringing about 'awareness of the drug trade' is quite comical from people who are all using smartphones and wearing clothes that predominantly originate in sweat shops.
Middle class navel gazing at its finest..

Such a strange mindset. So because lots of things are bad we shouldn't give a shit about any of them?

Seasonaldisorder · 07/01/2020 23:06

It's not 50/50! A (very) few people said they wouldn't mind. Most people think you are selfish, inconsiderate and would (and do) judge you.

Savannaha · 07/01/2020 23:06

It's literally illegal, you're asking people if they would look down on you for breaking the law? Absolutely. And if you were my neighbour I would have definitely reported you.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 07/01/2020 23:06

50/50?

You're deluded.

I doubt everyone sees you as the nice family with two boys. They will see you as the family with a pothead father and two boys. He’s habitually using drugs while his children are in his care. Of course people will be judging

This.

ACheekyFinger · 07/01/2020 23:07

Our neighbour at the back of us smokes every night in his garden and I can't stand it. Cigarette smoke is bad enough but weed is vile. It makes me not want to be in our garden in the summer months because he sometimes does it during the day. I don't want my son exposed to it either.