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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think asking “Are you alright for a drink”? Is not offering someone a drink?

442 replies

SproutMuncher · 07/01/2020 16:53

Last night I went to the pub with 3 friends, one of whom brought her new(ish) partner, so there were 5 of us. I arrived last, and said I was going to the bar and asked if anyone would like a drink, to which they all said yes and I bought the round - fine.

When we finished our drinks, one of my friends did the same - fine.

When my friend’s boyfriend finished his drink, he asked his girlfriend if she wanted a another red wine, then as he got up to go, said to the rest of us “are you guys alright for a drink?”. We all said we were fine but it narked me a bit.

I know it isn’t a massive deal and actually this aside I really liked the guy, but just interested in people’s thoughts. AIBU to think this isn’t really offering to buy us drinks at all?

OP posts:
Concestor · 07/01/2020 18:33

I would not interpret that as an offer at all. I'd assume he didn't want to buy drinks.
The only way to reply to that saying you want a drink is to say No (ie I am not all right for a drink).
It's a very very odd way of phrasing it (I was born West Midlands now live in the south).

MarshaBradyo · 07/01/2020 18:34

You’ve got to say what would you like to everyone when it’s your turn. Otherwise you’re skimping out.

CallofDoodee · 07/01/2020 18:35

Psychologically if you are asked if you are alright, the natural response is to say yes.

Exactly.

DesLynamsMoustache · 07/01/2020 18:37

I would just say 'oh could I have blah blah blah, please' Confused Maybe I have no shame Grin but it wouldn't really occur to me not to in that situation.

DesLynamsMoustache · 07/01/2020 18:38

I also don't think you literally need to respond with a yes or no!

maddy68 · 07/01/2020 18:38

He's offering!!!!!

donquixotedelamancha · 07/01/2020 18:39

It's really not.

So everyone saying it is are lying? Not what I say but probably the single most common way of offering amongst my friends (of course, I'm probably lying too).

I would be really embarrassed to answer the question 'are you alright for a drink' with anything other than yes.

How is that anyone elses fault?

notacooldad · 07/01/2020 18:40

It's a normal line

It's really notit is where I'm from, especially a few drinks into the event when people start drinking at different places. I can guarantee I hear this every night out when there's more than two of us. W font tie ourseves in knots wondering what the subtext is, we either want another drink or we dont.
We go out with the same crowd abd there's no freeloaders and everything evens up.

notacooldad · 07/01/2020 18:42

Psychologically if you are asked if you are alright, the natural response is to say yes
In a pub, when your on a night out having drinks? You might be conditioned that way!!🤣🤣

DesLynamsMoustache · 07/01/2020 18:43

I think it's one of those things where some people assume the worst of someone and others just assume the best. I'm definitely more of the latter. If in doubt, I err on the side of not being offended or of giving the benefit of the doubt. Others err on the side of being offended (as we see so often on here when fairly benign circumstances are blown out of all proportion!).

WombatChocolate · 07/01/2020 18:44

If you've already bought a round, including a drink for that person, who now says 'is everyone okay for a drink' - I can see zero reason to feel you need to say you're okay when you are gagging for another drink. They are asking and you are entitled to say 'yes' having already bought your round. Only someone who is so delicate and who needs someone to absolutely insisit and force something on them before they can accept would decide they had to say they were fine in this situation - ie a total martyr.

It might be a bit different if you hadn't already bought a drink and certainly if you weren't planning to buy them a drink later, but otherwise, accepting a reciprocal drink is perfectly ordinary.

Sceptre86 · 07/01/2020 18:44

Yep agree with other posters. He asked in a round about way that would discourage you from saying yes.

UndertheCedartree · 07/01/2020 18:45

@onanothertrain - thanks for explaining this.

Oliversmumsarmy · 07/01/2020 18:45

I wonder if it is a regional thing as I say this.

I am from the north and 2nd generation immigrant so there are a few things I say that don’t translate exactly down south even now.

Dio23489432489234 · 07/01/2020 18:45

Others err on the side of being offended (as we see so often on here when fairly benign circumstances are blown out of all proportion!)

Are you saying I'm easily offended? How DARE you?? 😡

CosmoK · 07/01/2020 18:45

Why do so many people on mn struggle to understand the concept of regional dialect? Not everyone is out to screw you over. People just have different ways of saying things.
Amongst my northern friends this is how we would ask of anyone wanted a drink. There's no subtext, nobody is trying to get out of a round ...it's just a turn of phrase.

Runnerduck34 · 07/01/2020 18:46

Depends on tone and body language! It is technically an offer to buy a drink but one that encourages an answer of I'm fine thank you rather than please could I have a ... ?
did he phrase the question in the same way to his gf? Or ask you while halfway to the bar, looking over his shoulder ?

SunshineCake · 07/01/2020 18:46

It sounds like an offer where he expects no one to dare say yes please.

Serin · 07/01/2020 18:47

I'd have said "Right what does everyone want?" But IMO it's a minor error and I wouldnt dislike him for it.

kingkuta · 07/01/2020 18:47

It's not a regional thing. It's context. Yes, 'is everyone alright for a drink' is an offer when you are on your way to the bar, usually when everyone else already has a drink but you are politely checking

When you are in a round with a small group of people and you have already accepted drinks from them the usual question is 'same again/what are you having. In fact I'd just say 'my round' and get the drinks. The way the bloke specifically asked his gf what she wanted then didn't ask anyone else shows he blatantly knew what he was doing. The gf is a cheeky cow as well for just sitting there getting drinks bought for her and not reciprocating

UndertheCedartree · 07/01/2020 18:49

it's a normal line
it's really not

It obviously is as 82% think the OP is unreasonable!

notacooldad · 07/01/2020 18:51

Why do so many people on mn struggle to understand the concept of regional dialect? Not everyone is out to screw you over. People just have different ways of saying things.
Amongst my northern friends this is how we would ask of anyone wanted a drink. There's no subtext, nobody is trying to get out of a round ...it's just a turn of phrase

👏👍🍸

Now can you imagine the fuss if a MIL asked if you were right for a drink!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣

TabbyMumz · 07/01/2020 18:52

"think buying rounds is a bit awkward, and really expensive, so he was potentially trying to break out of that and just buy their drinks"
"Absolute definition of a tight cunt. Someone who does this AFTER everyone else in the group has bought them a round."

Think if I didnt want to get into buying full rounds as not much of a drinker myself, I would try to do this early on in the evening by refusing a drink when people offer rounds. To be honest I think round buying is a pain if you dont want to drink much yourself. In the ops incident I'm not sure how many rounds had been bought, but suspect they've not wanted to do that much. They may have wanted to leave earlier.

CosmoK · 07/01/2020 18:54

Haha notacooldad that's exactly the sort of thing my mil says 😂😂 while trying to convince me to have a glass of wine instead of a brew 🤣

TabbyMumz · 07/01/2020 18:54

"The gf is a cheeky cow as well for just sitting there getting drinks bought for her and not reciprocating"
But she bought the next round?