to think asking “Are you alright for a drink”? Is not offering someone a drink?

[SproutMuncher]

Last night I went to the pub with 3 friends, one of whom brought her new(ish) partner, so there were 5 of us. I arrived last, and said I was going to the bar and asked if anyone would like a drink, to which they all said yes and I bought the round - fine.

When we finished our drinks, one of my friends did the same - fine.

When my friend’s boyfriend finished his drink, he asked his girlfriend if she wanted a another red wine, then as he got up to go, said to the rest of us “are you guys alright for a drink?”. We all said we were fine but it narked me a bit.

I know it isn’t a massive deal and actually this aside I really liked the guy, but just interested in people’s thoughts. AIBU to think this isn’t really offering to buy us drinks at all?

I think he's offering. It's how I offer drinks (people often respond with a drinks order) and I genuinely want to buy people a drink so if he's 'one to watch' then so am I...

It is not a proper offer. I do this when people have already bought drinks before I arrive and I haven’t benefited from a round so just want to get my own. I am not mean and would definitely get a round in though, often first. I agree he wasn’t offering properly as he’d had the benefit of other people’s rounds. Watch to see if it’s a pattern.

The fact he said 'no' to friend who later offered a drink suggests he wasn't just out for as many drinks as poss without paying. A real 'avoider' always says yes when asked by someone else and never offers themselves.

Interesting though how people interpret differently and how buying drinks culture differs. Personally I prefer it when just buying in 2s and 3s - feels more controllable and less to go wrong/cause offence.

Initially I thought YABU, but actually thinking about it....

How full were your drinks? And presumably it was his round?

I think 'are you alright for a drink' is fine and perfectly polite if

a) you arrived at a different time and everyone else has a drink
b) everyone's drinks are nearly full
or
c) you aren't really in a round with someone and are just being polite (although again, their drink would need to be at least half full).

Saying it to people who have bought you drinks and who have near empty glasses is rude, because then they have to answer with 'oh no I'm not actually, can I have a... Please' which is kind of awkward because they haven't properly been asked. If someone else has bought you a drink then unless they are a really slow drinker and have several full drinks on the table, I would always ask 'what are you drinking'?

It sounds like your situation is the latter so... YANBU!

That’s an offer of a drink, clearly?

He was offering to buy you a drink. If you’d have said you’d wanted one, he’d have got you one

It means offering a drink - but if people have been getting rounds in you should sort of insist on returning the favour. “You alright for one?” isn’t really doing that, so it’s borderline impolite, at least for where I grew up. “You alright for a drink?” is more like something you’d say to be polite if you’re getting yourself another having already bought your round.

I’d take that as an offer to buy a round, I definitely think it’s regional.

YANBU! I can't believe how many people think you are!

This is exactly what you say when you are getting yourself a drink and hoping to avoid buying anyone else one! There are hundreds of better ways to ask without pressuring anyone to drink beyond their limit on a school night
"Same again?"
"What are you drinking?"
"What can I get you?"
"What's everyone having?"

Don't accept a drink in a round if you're going to dodge your turn with a 'you guys all look OK, I'll just get myself one...' Definitely a tight git!

We all said we were fine

I think, for some reason, he probably got the impression that you did not want a drink.

I think he worded it to get out of buying a round.

He's a tight arse.. who keeps his hands firmly in his pocket...

Going off MN, there are large proportion of people who interpret any phrasing which is not familiar to them to indicate the most mendacious motivation from the other party. This happens on many threads about idioms which seem entirely normal to me and becomes positively fevered when discussing slight differences in manners.

I have only ever heard this phrase used to ask if anyone would like a drink so yes, I think he was offering.

I think it’s a tight way of offering....
I’d be less likely to take someone up on the offer of a drink if they said that...rather than “can I get you a drink?” Or “would you like a drink?”

If you hadn't bought a round before I would say he was offering but if two people had bought a round I wouldn't word it like that, I would say 'what you having?' And insist on buying a round

It's an offer where I am, I use it myself and I'm not tight.

FWIW I'm half Yorkshire, now live in London, and it's always been perfectly normal wording among people I know. No curmudgeonly intentions here.

I think this is tight of him. I would word it like this if I arrived late and didn’t really want to get into rounds. I wouldn’t take a drink off anyone else though and probably say no thanks I’ll get my own.
I agree that asking like this after accepting earlier drinks is a bit rude. When you are already in rounds I would say right my turn, what does everyone want?

Interesting though how people interpret differently and how buying drinks culture differs. Personally I prefer it when just buying in 2s and 3s - feels more controllable and less to go wrong/cause offence.

Irish weddings (or in the pub in general) are a bloody nightmare for this - absolutely enormous rounds, everyone coming back from the bar with tonnes of pints, not being able to keep track of who the fuck has bought you a drink and then having to buy the biggest round ever and having to remember what everyone wants, argh!

We always do a kitty if there's more than a couple of us!

Complete with piece of paper with everyone's drinks on!

I see lots of people saying it's like 'you'll have had your tea' - I've never heard that phrase - what situation is it used in? Is it a Northern thing?

It's a weak offer! He should have said, what would you like?

It's definitely a way of trying to weasel out of getting a round in. Like putting "Regards" instead of "Kind regards" at the end of an email to indicate your white-hot fury at the recipient.

Rounds are so bloody awkward and should go back to the dark ages where they belong

As far as I'm aware you'll have had your tea is a phrase used to describe tight folk, usually from Edinburgh. As in you go to visit them and they don't give you any food and that's their statement to excuse it.

I don’t know if he is Northern actually! He lives in the East Midlands and has no discernible accent, but don’t know where he grew up.

^

Now this is really interesting!

Deslynam : a kitty?!?

(I know what one is, just surprised you do one)