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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think asking “Are you alright for a drink”? Is not offering someone a drink?

442 replies

SproutMuncher · 07/01/2020 16:53

Last night I went to the pub with 3 friends, one of whom brought her new(ish) partner, so there were 5 of us. I arrived last, and said I was going to the bar and asked if anyone would like a drink, to which they all said yes and I bought the round - fine.

When we finished our drinks, one of my friends did the same - fine.

When my friend’s boyfriend finished his drink, he asked his girlfriend if she wanted a another red wine, then as he got up to go, said to the rest of us “are you guys alright for a drink?”. We all said we were fine but it narked me a bit.

I know it isn’t a massive deal and actually this aside I really liked the guy, but just interested in people’s thoughts. AIBU to think this isn’t really offering to buy us drinks at all?

OP posts:
CallofDoodee · 07/01/2020 19:36

Nothing us wrong with those lines, 'are you alright.....? ' is just another variation of the same thing

No its not - the first 3 lines assume someone does want a drink. 'Are you alright....?' assumes they don't want a drink, just in the way it is phrased.

Doubleraspberry · 07/01/2020 19:41

I’ve never ever thought about those words before but I am southern, DH is northern, and both of us would say that as a way of offering to buy a round, as would our friends. Usually on nights when we’re buying fairly often and at different paces but it’s never meant as a way of avoiding a round, just checking who’s ready for another.

I would have been utterly mortified by the way if I’d asked like he did, everyone had said ‘no’, and then someone went off to buy a round as soon as I sat down. I would find that quite rude given that I’d just offered everyone a drink.

KenzoBaby · 07/01/2020 19:41

Agree with it's like "you'll have had your tea". (Scottish people like my good self trying to avoid having to feed people)

Jimdandy · 07/01/2020 19:43

Yes of course that was an offer to buy a drink!!

cosytoaster · 07/01/2020 19:46

I don't think he was offering at all. It's a way of getting out of buying whilst looking looking like you'e not.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 07/01/2020 19:51

This is why i dont drink in rounds....

Original poster
SproutMuncher · 07/01/2020 19:51

So they were all sat there with no drinks? That's a bit odd, unless they had literally walked in in front of you?

I don’t think it’s odd - unless one of us has contacted and said we are running late, we usually wait for each other. as I was on time they likely had only just got there, but I didn’t ask.

@fedup21 no she didn’t look like she thought anything of it and to be fair she really isn’t tight so she probably thought it meant offering too.

OP posts:
Doggybiccys · 07/01/2020 19:52

Slightly off topic. I went on a work thing to australia and at the end about 20 of us went out for lunch. We all sat at the table and the 5 brits started looking at the food and drinks menu, assuming a bill which would be spilt equally - but no, the 15 Oz based staff all ordered food and asked for individual bills then all went to the bar in a massive big queue and bought their own individual drinks. It took about 30 mins just to get served! Irony Beas they were drinking more booze than us - it was bizarre.

youllhavehadyourtea · 07/01/2020 19:52

you 're all right for a drink?

you'll have had your tea?

Doggybiccys · 07/01/2020 19:53

Irony was not Beas!

Dio23489432489234 · 07/01/2020 19:53

Mumsnet loves to argue on and on for days about fairly simple/innocuous things, but bottom line is this, OP: for seemingly a large proportion of people, this is a genuine and sincere way of offering to buy drinks. As you liked the guy otherwise and he's new to you all, it's probably best to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it was genuine from him, too. Really up to you though.

maddiemookins16mum · 07/01/2020 19:53

He was half heartedly offering, hoping you’d all be too polite to ask for one.

maddiemookins16mum · 07/01/2020 19:55

I had a blue check apron with ‘you’ll have had your tea’ on it.

youllhavehadyourtea · 07/01/2020 19:57

Ahem!
Agree with it's like "you'll have had your tea". (Scottish Edinburgh people like my good self trying to avoid having to feed people) Wink

MoonlightMistletoe · 07/01/2020 20:02

All you needed to say was "I will have another, cheers"

CarolinaPink · 07/01/2020 20:04

I’d have take it the same way as you, OP. Sounds like he’s inviting you to confirm you don’t want anything rather than asking what you’d like.

TheyAllFloat · 07/01/2020 20:06

I might ask if anyone wanted a drink like this and I definately wouldn't be secretly hoping they don't want one or trying to dissuade them from telling me.

Similarly, if asked like this I would just say "mmm, another G&T would be fantastic, thanks". It would never occur to me they were trying to keep the round down.

But maybe I have rhino skin Grin

deste · 07/01/2020 20:07

It was a half hearted offer with him hoping you would say no.

2020newme · 07/01/2020 20:11

I am in south east. "Are you alright for a drink?" is a completely normal and standard way of offering to buy drinks.

No undertones.

No ulterior motives.

Usually responded to with "I'll have X, Y Z thanks"

It seems no matter how many people say this, OP is still set on thinking badly of this poor chap Grin

UndertheCedartree · 07/01/2020 20:13

@paranoidmum2 - I'm not sure that asking for a drink when it's been offered could be called 'confrontational'!

Nomorepies · 07/01/2020 20:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/01/2020 20:18

If you're sitting there with an empty or very nearly empty glass, you could choose to assume his question is relating to what time you need to leave i.e. are you alright to have another drink or do you need to be going soon?

Therefore, you could look at your watch and exclaim "Oh, it's still early, I most certainly am - in fact, it's even earlier than I thought, so I've got time for a double, please!"

Thus, that same awkwardness he was counting on making you feel in order to get out of buying you a drink has turned right back around and bitten him square on the bahookie!

UndertheCedartree · 07/01/2020 20:19

@fedup21 - I've never heard that response - people always just say 'a white wine, please' etc

CallofDoodee · 07/01/2020 20:19

I'm not sure that asking for a drink when it's been offered could be called 'confrontational'!

But the drink hasn't been offered has it?

'Same again?' = offering a drink
'What are you drinking?' = offering a drink
'Another red wine?' = offering a drink

'Are you alright for a drink?' = you actively need to tell me if you require a beverage.

notacooldad · 07/01/2020 20:20

Nothing us wrong with those lines, 'are you alright.....? ' is just another variation of the same thing

No its not - the first 3 lines assume someone does want a drink. 'Are you alright....?' assumes they don't want a drink, just in the way it is phrased.

We are just going round in circles now. To me it's a pharse I hear around all the time and I've never come across it in a negative way.
Maybe I just have decent mates who don't dodge as some of you seem to have.