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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think asking “Are you alright for a drink”? Is not offering someone a drink?

442 replies

SproutMuncher · 07/01/2020 16:53

Last night I went to the pub with 3 friends, one of whom brought her new(ish) partner, so there were 5 of us. I arrived last, and said I was going to the bar and asked if anyone would like a drink, to which they all said yes and I bought the round - fine.

When we finished our drinks, one of my friends did the same - fine.

When my friend’s boyfriend finished his drink, he asked his girlfriend if she wanted a another red wine, then as he got up to go, said to the rest of us “are you guys alright for a drink?”. We all said we were fine but it narked me a bit.

I know it isn’t a massive deal and actually this aside I really liked the guy, but just interested in people’s thoughts. AIBU to think this isn’t really offering to buy us drinks at all?

OP posts:
DENMAN03 · 07/01/2020 19:13

I live in the South and will ask 'everyone all right for drinks?' when heading to the bar. It totally means I'm buying and get your orders in if you would like a drink. Certainly not getting out of my round!

Honeyroar · 07/01/2020 19:14

I think it’s a leading question, it pretty much expects a yes I’m fine type answer because the asker has suggested you’re still ok for drinks. People who weren’t confident might feel awkward saying they’d like a drink. It’s much politer, and clearer to say “does anyone want a drink?” Especially if you’ve bought rounds.

TabbyMumz · 07/01/2020 19:15

So...you went out with 3 friends and one of their boyfriends. (5of you). You arrived late and bought a round. Presume they were all drinking a round when you got there, but we dont know who bought these drinks? Perhaps the boyfriend had bought a round already? You then say another person bought a round, he then got drinks for himself and the girlfriend, then the other friend bought a round and you then left. So I'm thinking, before you got there either him or his girlfriend had bought drinks.

CallofDoodee · 07/01/2020 19:18

I live in the South and will ask 'everyone all right for drinks?' when heading to the bar. It totally means I'm buying and get your orders in if you would like a drink.

I'm from the South and would never use that phrase if it was actually my round.

If it's my round I'm buying you a drink, and it's up to you to tell me that you dont want one if that's the case, not up to you to tell me that you do want one.

notacooldad · 07/01/2020 19:18

He was pretty clear when he said do you want another red wine to gf. He was just looking after his gf and himself.
I disagree. My Dh knows me and my drinking habits and it is seth he would say. A few rounds into the night we would say the same. If someone wants another drink , fine, if they dont fine. Same back at us. No one is being tight.

TabbyMumz · 07/01/2020 19:18

"Yes! 'Let me know if I can do anything' is not an offer of help, it's just a platitude. Everyone who has ever actually been in a situation of needing help knows that."
Yes. Someone said this to me once, then avoided me like the plague for weeks. She definately didnt want to help. Shes recently organised a night out but not invited me!!!

lowwintersun · 07/01/2020 19:19

That was a half offer. I definitely read that as a you'll have had your tea type thing. Did your friend buy a drink after that round or was he buying her round?

sirfredfredgeorge · 07/01/2020 19:19

I live in the South and will ask 'everyone all right for drinks?' when heading to the bar. It totally means I'm buying and get your orders in if you would like a drink. Certainly not getting out of my round!

Here too, and even more so when I'm with people who I don't know that well, as I want to avoid the suggestion that I'm encouraging/forcing/leading etc. someone into drinking more than they might want to. If I knew you never said no before the 10th shot, then I might phrase it differently.

CallofDoodee · 07/01/2020 19:19

Presume they were all drinking a round when you got there, but we dont know who bought these drinks? Perhaps the boyfriend had bought a round already?

Oooh, see now if this is the case then I would say that 'are you alright for a drink' is more acceptable.

donquixotedelamancha · 07/01/2020 19:19

Be gentle with them. Conversing with posters from North of the Watford Gap on MN is about as edgy as it gets for some people...

But they do it out of kindness, so they can educate them on the Proper Way to Speak.

In fairness to Southerners, the MN Hyacinths are equally disbelieving if anyone working class from anywhere in the UK tries to describe their social circle.

This thread would have been a lot nastier if the poor BF had called someone 'love'.

MarshaBradyo · 07/01/2020 19:20

If it's my round I'm buying you a drink, and it's up to you to tell me that you dont want one if that's the case, not up to you to tell me that you do want one

Yep

NWQM · 07/01/2020 19:22

I would also have thought that he wasn't really angling to buy. More common would be to ask 'same again?'

ProggyMat · 07/01/2020 19:24

@Tempotempo
I’m further ooop North and would read are you alright for a drink to mean the same you!
Dodged a round me finks.

@SproutMuncher I don’t think YABU at all!

fedup21 · 07/01/2020 19:24

I live in the South and will ask 'everyone all right for drinks?' when heading to the bar. It totally means I'm buying and get your orders in if you would like a drink

I live in the south and have never heard that used except by tight people wanting to get out of buying a round.

That is absolutely in the same category as

‘You alright for a drink?’

The onus is on the other person, to say, ‘erm, well no actually-I’m not alright’ and puts them in an uncomfortable position.

What’s wrong with

What are you drinking?
What would you like from the bar?
Same again for you?

Original poster
SproutMuncher · 07/01/2020 19:24

Presume they were all drinking a round when you got there

No they weren’t! Don’t know how long they had been there when I arrived but although I got there last, I wasn’t late, so I assume they had not been there long.

Did your friend buy a drink after that round or was he buying her round?

We left after that set of drinks (him buying for himself and gf, and my friend buying for us 3) so she didn’t but because of circumstance, not because she thought she didn’t need to.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 07/01/2020 19:26

Did your friend (the girlfriend) look embarrassed or notice the strange way in which he asked?

CallofDoodee · 07/01/2020 19:26

I would also have thought that he wasn't really angling to buy. More common would be to ask 'same again?'

Yes, 'same again?' assumes that the person does want another drink in a way that 'are you alright for a drink?' doesn't. And if that person has already bought you a drink and it's your round then surely it's good manners to go for the question that assumes they do want a drink.

Can't believe how strongly I feel about this, especially as initially I thought the OP was being ridiculous! 😂

TabbyMumz · 07/01/2020 19:27

So they were all sat there with no drinks? That's a bit odd, unless they had literally walked in in front of you?

ittakes2 · 07/01/2020 19:28

Offering! Some people like me don’t drink a lot or might be driving - I would prefer someone asked me if I wanted/needed another drink rather than put one in front of me. I would feel bad about wasting their money if I did not want to drink anymore.

MarshaBradyo · 07/01/2020 19:31

Ittakes everyone asks - not just buys- they just do it in a direct way which is more effective than this guy
Same again?
What would you like?

More effective unless getting out of the round..

notacooldad · 07/01/2020 19:32

*What’s wrong with

What are you drinking?
What would you like from the bar?
Same again for you?

Nothing us wrong with those lines, 'are you alright.....? ' is just another variation of the same thing

MarshaBradyo · 07/01/2020 19:33

CallofD your post made me laugh, re feeling strongly me too Grin

Good scenario by op

fedup21 · 07/01/2020 19:33

Nothing us wrong with those lines, 'are you alright.....? ' is just another variation of the same thing

Presumably if it was a regional variation in the area the OP lived, she would have heard of it before.

CallofDoodee · 07/01/2020 19:34

Offering! Some people like me don’t drink a lot or might be driving - I would prefer someone asked me if I wanted/needed another drink rather than put one in front of me. I would feel bad about wasting their money if I did not want to drink anymore.

Well no, if someone asks 'same again?' or whatever you just say 'oh no thanks' if you don't want one. Unless they are a wanker and start going 'oh go on etc' then it's usually where it ends, maybe with a small 'are you sure'?

Much better than having to actively ask for a drink in answer to the question 'are you alright for a drink'.

fedup21 · 07/01/2020 19:36

I would prefer someone asked me if I wanted/needed another drink rather than put one in front of me.

I haven’t seen anyone say they would simply buy people drinks and plonk them down in front of them without asking if they wanted one!?