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Original poster

To be annoyed about friend's daughter coming along

302 replies

Misscromwellrocks · 07/01/2020 13:36

I have a weekend in Paris booked in March with a few old uni friends. It's the first time in years that we've all gone away together.

One friend has now announced that her 18 year old daughter will be coming along. Most of us haven't seen this girl since she was about 12 and in any event this is meant to be a meet up of old friends.

I've only spoken to one other member of the group since we heard about this, and she's annoyed too.

WWBU to contact friend and try to tactfully dissuade her? I don't want to cause a row or hurt anyone's feelings.

OP posts:
ConstanceL · 07/01/2020 18:02

Pretty shit trip for the 18 year old too having to sit and eat dinner on her own in a hotel.
Pretty shit for everyone else if the random teen that none of them know was joining them for dinner! OP it's between your friend and her DD what their dinner arrangements are, don't let yourself be guilt-tripped into inviting the daughter along.

ferrier · 07/01/2020 18:04

It's a shame that the dd's mum will miss out on so much of the reminiscing though. Unless perhaps she feels a bit uncertain about picking up again after the few years gap. Maybe she's taking dd along for her own moral support?
(Agreed she should have asked first though).

Properfatty · 07/01/2020 18:05

I’m envisioning “girls trip”

IrmaFayLear · 07/01/2020 18:05

Of course no one "owns" Paris or anywhere else, but it is definitely off when a group have decided to go somewhere together - particularly when they are in all likelihood going to be having a laugh about old times - and for one of the group to decide unilaterally to bring along another person, whether it be their 18-year-old dd, their dh or their 90-year-old mother.

Btw, of course the dd will be joining you for dinner. No one is going to stand by and let her sit in the hotel room with a club sandwich all evening.

Howyiz · 07/01/2020 18:05

@FlickingVees you do understand that if the friend didn't want to come to a college reunion weekend she didn't have to?
If she wants to deviate from the proposed trip she is fully entitled to, what she isn't entitled to do is change the dynamic for everyone else as well, especially without so much as a by your leave.
Manners cost nothing and funny enough it doesn't cost anything to grow up and realise other people aren't just bit players in your life and they have their own wants and desires.

MiniGuinness · 07/01/2020 18:27

I know I’d probably bring my fiercely independent dd as well, for a bit of interesting company..
Why would your fiercely independent daughter want to go on a trip with her mum? And her mum’s friends? Doesn’t she have friends of her own? And just because you find your daughter fascinating, doesn’t mean anyone else would..

BottleOfJameson · 07/01/2020 18:29

I know I’d probably bring my fiercely independent dd as well, for a bit of interesting company..

If you didn't find your friends interesting company surely you'd just decline the trip in the first place!

WhenOneDoorClosesAnotherOpens · 07/01/2020 18:34

Tbh, maybe your mate finds you all very boring at this stage of her life, harping back to college, and old places you used to see when you were young... and not going to see anything new or cultural.

Then why did she agree to go for the reunion weekend? She could have said she was 'busy' and then took her DD to Paris any other time. Why spoil the reunion weekend for everyone else?

unlikelytobe · 07/01/2020 18:35

She may have 'copped on' that you don't want the DD there all the time but once in Paris she'll be guilt -tripping you all into including the DD more and amending plans accordingly.

Why does she want to bring her 18 year old to something like this anyway? Can't you have a chat with her about it?

Dustarr73 · 07/01/2020 18:44

I know I’d probably bring my fiercely independent dd as well, for a bit of interesting company

If your dd is so fiercelyin

FruitcakeOfHate · 07/01/2020 18:44

I don’t understand why some people can’t leave the house without one of their children attached to their hip.

Or their husband. My sister is like this. It's tedious AF.

She hasn't got the message, OP. People like this are obtuse AF, thick AF, too.

I know I’d probably bring my fiercely independent dd as well, for a bit of interesting company..

Then why bother going with your friends at all? Why foist someone's company on them without asking them if they find it 'interesting'?

Dustarr73 · 07/01/2020 18:45

Sorry posted too soon.If your dd was so fiercely independent,why is she gatecrashing your holiday.

Dio23489432489234 · 07/01/2020 18:48

Since OP and her friends made it so clear that they won't be sightseeing, maybe this friend figured the days would be kind of empty so she decided to combine the trip to sightsee with her daughter during the day and go out for dinner and drink with her friends in the evening?

FilledSoda · 07/01/2020 18:49

Incredibly rude of her but it looks like she's taken the hint.
Just make sure the goal posts aren't moved when you're over there .

Cohle · 07/01/2020 18:54

It sounds like the friend's taken the hint.

Honestly any awkwardness is her own fault for being rude enough to spring it on you without any discussion first. I don't think you should have to feel guilty about not wanting to spend time with the daughter or change plans to suit her.

Thymelord · 07/01/2020 18:54

I know I’d probably bring my fiercely independent dd as well, for a bit of interesting company

You'd do that without checking with the other people first? That's spectacularly rude.

If you wanted to spend a weekend with your fiercely independent kid why would you encroach on a prearranged event? I can't believe some people are so lacking in self awareness.

Aliceinunderland · 07/01/2020 18:55

Unpopular opinion but I don't see the problem. I see my friends (and their children) as extended family and hope they view me (and my children) the same. I wouldn't mind a friend bringing her adult daughter, just adds something new to the group and she's not a complete stranger. Maybe the daughter would really love to hear all the stories about her mum when she was younger and chances are, you might even find her good company if she's like your friend. Change is good.

Noshowlomo · 07/01/2020 18:58

It’s all very weird. She doesn’t get it though, she hasn’t from the start.
Why bring your daughter to a trip that lets you be carefree and reminisce?!?
Whatever happen I hope you have fun OP! Just drink all the wine and eat all the bread.

MulticolourMophead · 07/01/2020 19:02

Change is good.

I like change, but it's not always the right thing to do.

In this case the friend has unilaterally made a decision affecting everyone on the trip. That is seriously rude. It changes the dynamic and given that this group of people don't meet up often it really isn't fair on the others.

There are also different expectations going on. Friend and her DD want to go sightseeing, which wasn't part of the original plan, given they've all been there, done that.

If I were going on a trip like this, for which I'd be paying my share, I would not be at all happy to find someone else changing things without any reference to me, and assuming I'd be happy with their changes.

Dio23489432489234 · 07/01/2020 19:04

I want to know what OP and friends were going to do all day in a foreign city if they didn't want to sightsee. Why not just stay in England?

StCharlotte · 07/01/2020 19:09

I know I’d probably bring my fiercely independent dd as well, for a bit of interesting company.

Spare us from fiercely independent daughters!

ConstanceL · 07/01/2020 19:11

I want to know what OP and friends were going to do all day in a foreign city if they didn't want to sightsee. Why not just stay in England?
Erm maybe eat French good, do a bit of shopping, soak up the Parisian atmosphere? You don't have to frantically sightsee just because you are in a different country!

ConstanceL · 07/01/2020 19:12

*food

Broken2020 · 07/01/2020 19:12

I think you need to be straight with her OP. Like you said, there's a member of the group who is likely to change the goalposts and potentially land you all sightseeing!

Broken2020 · 07/01/2020 19:14

@Aliceinunderland These aren't close friends they are regularly though, this is a reunion trip.

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