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Original poster

To be annoyed about friend's daughter coming along

302 replies

Misscromwellrocks · 07/01/2020 13:36

I have a weekend in Paris booked in March with a few old uni friends. It's the first time in years that we've all gone away together.

One friend has now announced that her 18 year old daughter will be coming along. Most of us haven't seen this girl since she was about 12 and in any event this is meant to be a meet up of old friends.

I've only spoken to one other member of the group since we heard about this, and she's annoyed too.

WWBU to contact friend and try to tactfully dissuade her? I don't want to cause a row or hurt anyone's feelings.

OP posts:
Dio23489432489234 · 07/01/2020 19:14

Who said anything about being frantic?

Broken2020 · 07/01/2020 19:14

*see

bubblesforlife · 07/01/2020 19:17

Be upfront,
“Oh, ok, however I’m not interested in sight seeing, been there done that, but crack on with that both of you”

MorrisZapp · 07/01/2020 19:17

I met a fiercely independent person once. I hid behind a pyramid of baked bean tins until they went away.

Look, it's not just 'reminiscing', is it? I know that two wines in, my old friends and I get pretty raw. What if there are relationship issues they want to thrash out? There's always relationship issues. Or discussion of each others families etc, none of this is suitable for teen ears.

Talking about the old days is a tiny part of it. When good old friends get together, they want to talk about their lives right now.

ConstanceL · 07/01/2020 19:21

Who said anything about being frantic?
Just the implication that if you were in a different city and weren't spending your time sightseeing then what was the point in going - this made me think of someone rushing around trying to see all the sights and ignoring everything else a city had to offer :)

BottleOfJameson · 07/01/2020 19:22

I agree that as well as just reminiscing people might want the opportunity to open up about their lives and probably won't feel as comfortable with a teenager they barely know there.

CatInTheDaytime · 07/01/2020 19:27

Yes I met up with an old friend recently and some of the discussion was definitely not for our kids' ears. We arranged it that way so we could chat freely.

Molly2016 · 07/01/2020 19:29

“@Molly2016, an 18 year old is an adult“

@FlickingVees my apologies, I didn’t realise that when someone’s child turned 18 they were no longer categorised as their child.

18 or not, this person is their friends child. Totally changes the dynamic of the group to bring her on the trip.

MiniGuinness · 07/01/2020 19:34

I want to know what OP and friends were going to do all day in a foreign city if they didn't want to sightsee. Why not just stay in England? Is that all you do when you go somewhere new? The OP has already said bars, restaurants, markets. Then there are galleries, quirky neighbourhoods, street food, etc. I think just seeing the “sights” (especially if you’ve done it all before) is pretty dull.

Dio23489432489234 · 07/01/2020 19:44

Is that all you do when you go somewhere new? The OP has already said bars, restaurants, markets. Then there are galleries, quirky neighbourhoods, street food, etc. I think just seeing the “sights” (especially if you’ve done it all before) is pretty dull

Oh, I guess I would call going to galleries, quirky neighbourhoods, specific food places, etc. all as part of "seeing the sights", rather than JUST famous tourist places.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 07/01/2020 19:48

I have a couple of friends who do this sort of thing. One has never got beyond the pfb stage (dd is now 23) and she genuinely thinks that there's nothing anyone would like more than to spend time with her beautiful, clever DD. She thinks it's a treat that everyone will appreciate and would be gobsmacked if anyone suggested otherwise. I think OP's friend is in this category. She wouldn't ask first because she can't imagine that anyone would demur.

Second friend is just a CF. We invited her and her DP to dinner in a nice restaurant as our treat to thank them for a favour that friend had done for us. They rocked up with her DP's 17 yr old DS in tow Hmm, explaining that as it was his Dad's weekend with him, they didn't want to leave him at home. Didn't seem to occur to them that they could have made an alternative date with us given that they weren't actually free that evening. The DS was nice enough, but he was the focus of the conversation because his dad hadn't seen him for a while so the rest of us just had to go along with it. And we paid.

When I made a thread on here asking for opinions about the dinner scenario, I got my arse handed to me so I'm surprised to see so much sympathy for the OP, although I think her friend needs a slap.

drinkygin · 07/01/2020 19:54

@FlickingVees are...are you the friend?

Ragwort · 07/01/2020 19:57

How cringeworthy ‘’I’d bring my fiercely independent DD for a bit of interesting company” ..... what ‘fiercely independent’ young person would want to tag along with their mum & her friends Hmm.

I have a teenager, there is no way he would be included in my DH’s uni reunions.

I do find it odd that parents can’t bear to be separated from their children.

WorldsOnFire · 07/01/2020 20:02

Unsure of friends financial/personal situation but is there a chance that your DF actually finds the prospect of your ‘girls trip’ a bit overwhelming and by combining it with her and DD having a little holiday (especially if money is tight) she can then dip in and out of your activities whilst enjoying her own trip too??

My ‘girl friends’ are all big drinkers and don’t have the same idea of fun as me. I love having a meal with them though 👍🏻 I often get around this by going to the same place at the same time they’ve asked me to but bringing DH and staying in a different hotel!
DH and I spend the day’s (whilst they’re hungover or recovering) exploring and I just join for a nice meal or a quick drink.

The only difference is I’m upfront about it! So they know that it’s not ‘DH joining the girls trip’ it’s ‘Me and DH having a weekend away that luckily means I can join for one or two events’.

🤔 Those saying it’ll be miserable for an 18yo to eat one meal alone....are you kidding? Hundreds of thousands of 18yo’s travel the world alone. Both me and DH have done this, she’ll make it through one evening I’m sure.

Yeahnah2020 · 07/01/2020 20:08

Your message was pretty pathetic OP. You didn’t really support your friend at all. You watered it down. Why such a push over? Hopefully your friend has got the message from what your friend said.

billy1966 · 07/01/2020 20:10

I definitely believe it was devious and deliberate.

Or could she really be so obtuse as to imagine that it would go without comment that a Uni reunion would now include a teenager?🙄

They have a What'sapp group and the friend couldn't stick up a quick one liner "Ladies, are you all ok if I bring my 18 year old?"
Still presumptuous, but at least she asking was it a possibility.

People with an ounce of cop on or basic manners wouldn't dream of doing what this woman has done.

That 18 year old's comfort, will end up being a primary consideration, even though it was a weekend break that the others were leaving their children at home for.

An extremely selfish and rude thing to do, without the slightest consideration for the other members of the group.

sonjadog · 07/01/2020 20:28

Nothing says "fiercy independent" like gatecrashing a weekend with your Mum and her friends...

MorrisZapp · 07/01/2020 20:40

There's only one thing worse than fiercely independent and it's 'ferociously well read'.

LolalolaLola · 07/01/2020 20:42

'Fiercely Independent' sounds so hilariously pretentious. You have to say it with a Zoolanderish pout and hair-flick though, for full effect.

TitianaTitsling · 07/01/2020 20:47

🎶all of you women, fiercely independent, throw your hands up at me🎶 (and crash a holiday with your mum's friends...)

MeganChips · 07/01/2020 20:47

I have a friend whose 15 year old son would occasionally turn up on nights out. We tolerated it through gritted teeth a couple of times then on the 3rd time told him to go home unless he wanted to hear about the gory details of our menopauses.

She was most put out because she “hadn’t seen him all day” even though I think he was incredibly relieved!

No matter how lovely they may be, it definitely changes the dynamic and is incredibly rude not to even ask if you mind.

MsTSwift · 07/01/2020 20:55

Obviously agree with the majority how thick and unself aware must this woman be?

I find other people’s teenagers that hang around our mums evening meet ups utterly tedious. Mine vanish upstairs like ghosts at the first cackle or pop of cava bottle. I have trained them well though frankly they would be more likely to fly to the moon than choose to stay. My friends dd same age as my older one hangs about like a bad smell so we all have to pretend to be interested in her gcse options and flute practice.

FrancisCrawford · 07/01/2020 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amusedbush · 07/01/2020 21:16

I can’t stand when anyone invites random hangers-on to events but bringing your kid along is beyond odd. I’m almost 30 and I still don’t want to hear about what my mum got up to when she was younger - it’s uncomfortable and there are some things I just don’t need to know 🤷🏻‍♀️

At 18 I’d have been mortified! If the daughter does end up joining you (and the mum will angle for that!) you’d have to completely censor your conversation. It changes everything.

MorrisZapp · 07/01/2020 21:18

You can't really let rip and slag off your husband with Miss Instagram sitting there.