Were you spanked or hit growing up in the '80s (or earlier)?

[SilverSurfer2020]

I grew up in the 80s and while I was only "spanked" once by a male teacher at primary school and never spanked or hit by my parents (that I can recall) ... I was very aware of the ever present talk of rulers, canes, hitting at the rural primary school I attended, of stories of older children having been hit, and on too of that my older siblings were hit occasionally by my parents.

Was this normal for the time?
I always got the impression it was fairly normal for people a bit older than me, and further back.

I wonder what impact it had on their (and our) perception of physical violence within families, partners etc.

What do you think?

Aibu - no, it was not common.
Aibu - yes, it was common.

(The impact question is not part of this aibu just looking for additional opinions. Maybe I could do a separate aibu for it).

My exH was also smacked a lot in the 80s/90s and my DP was belted and made to face the wall or other physical punishments in the 90s and beyond. Just awful.

hit on the bottom with a wooden spoon by my mum, who now denies it and says she only threatened us with it.

Giver her a few hits with it and then say she imagined it, you only threatened her with it.

I'm surprised the "yes it was common" is so high. Also depressed by it.

@SilverSurfer2020 Thing is, I wouldn't be depressed by it. It was what is what, and we just dealt with it. The important thing is that we put a stop to it, and didn't hand it onto the next generation.

Ask who still spanks their kids, and you'll get a much different reaction. And that's actually quite uplifting.

*what it was, sorry

Never hit at school during 80s. I do remember a girl aged no more than 7 being smacked by the teacher for slapping her book down on the desk. A boy being praised in assembly for improved behaviour after an earlier caning.

Was hit at home, mostly by my mother, I was an unhappy child so could be rude but not awful, I did as I was told. I remember running in fear to my room to barricade the door as she would push it open to get at me to hit me. I was smacked in the face for rudeness by her and my father. The final time she hit me I was about 17/18. I remember being backed into the stairs and being prone as I was hit, so I kicked back (not proud) and her response was; “She’s hit me, her mother!” Never touched me again. She banged mine and my sister’s heads together once, she has admitted regret at that. Rubbed my nose in wet knickers like a dog, I had a urine infection at the time. I hide it as was afraid.

There was a lot of tension between my parents when I was growing up, father had a lot of affairs I learned as an adult. Doesn’t excuse it. No way as bad as some of my classmates at the time. Much more acceptable back then.

Born in mid 80s and was smacked a few times as a child by my mum (never by my dad) and it hasn’t done me any harm 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think I was smacked on the occasions that I was being really cheeky

I was spanked regularly by my mother. She pretty much always used implements: wooden spoon, wooden handled breadboards, shoes, slippers, feather duster (with plastic coated metal handle), bamboo cane.

I was born in the 70's. Spanked through the 80's up until I turned 16 in the early 90's. For any reason she fancied. I'd often get a hiding for being the eldest and not keeping the other kids in line.

Born in the late 70s. Smacking was banned by the time I went to primary but I remember when living abroad, seeing one teacher throw his chalk at an 11 yo girl who had dozed off during class and hit her in the face with it, and another teacher punch a 12 yo boy in the head, making him cry. Both incidents were in front of the whole class and I was shocked by them.

I was ‘smacked’ often by both parents until the age of about 13. This included a black eye from my father and being hit repeatedly around the body by my mother with her shoe in front of my friends after she saw me doing something dangerous aged 8.

Not something I would do myself but didn’t consider myself ‘abused’ at the time and am relatively sanguine about it now.

Born in 80s and was smacked/hit/kicked at home until I was about 13/14 regularly mainly by my mum. As were my older sis and less so my younger bro. This carried on well into 90s.

Never smacked at school. Haven't voted as it's confusing.

I was spanked a few times at home but only when I'd really pushed it. Never hit for other reasons.

Never hit at school but classmates were caned! It did work as a deterrent for me let me tell you! This would be c1980/1981 - one teacher in particular was vile. I often wonder if he's still around. His name as Mr 'Best' - beast more like

Although smacking was outlawed by the time I started school the headmaster still got away with it. He would do it in assembly but the others teachers weren't there - I always used to think that was why he got away with being so brutal as none of the other teachers were like that. I think because hitting was normal (albeit not physical violence like that) we never said anything to our parents. I think 'a smack on the bottom' was the thin edge of the wedge and allowed others to get away with worse. I think it still is and smacking children should be completely banned to make it clear physical violence is unacceptable.

I was born in the 70s and was smacked a lot by my mother. She used to break a stick from the tree in the garden and wallop me with it. It was terrifying and I'll never forget it. I was actually a very quiet child but of course like all children I fought with my sister. She used to corner me and hit me so hard with the stick that it often broke. My dad never ever once laid his hand on me. I don't think he even knew how much she used to beat us as he was away at work all day. I would never ever do that to my own children and I always feel sad about that time in my life, as I love my children unconditionally and could never subject them to such punishment. Looking back I wouldn't have minded a smack on the bottom for being naughty but certainly not the wallops that I endured which has affected me and the relationship that I have with my mother. I can truly say that I never loved her because of the way she treated me as a child, even though she is a different person today.

Born 70s. Got smacked very occasionally. Usually for answering back very provocatively and pushing buttons so I can see why. Not bothered by it.

Yanbu.

My brothers and I often got a clip round the ear, particularly from my mum. My dad once hit me with a stick. Can't remember why.

One brother had a belt taken to him by my mum because he had, aged 11, urinated on the boy next door.

Teachers often lightly swiped pupils' heads or threw stuff like blackboard rubbers about the classroom, sometimes aiming at someone, sometimes not.

I remember one teacher slamming a 10 year old boy up against the wall. The wall had a nail in it. Whoops.

There had to be repercussions from that for the teacher. Actually, I'm not sure there were any repercussions.

Smacking kids as a way of punishment doesn't work. It teaches fear instead of respect.

I think perhaps it also teaches physical punishment/violence (if that's not too strong a word) is normal and acceptable to some level in the home.

I'm trying to unpickbif it's one if the reasons I didn't react the way I should have to a partner being violent (not hitting but still violence), both at the time and after.

My mum v occasionally smacked, my dad rarely did anything but there were two incidents I remember from my childhood involving hitting my elder sister/s with a stick/brush shaft or similar - and once violently attacking one of my elder sisters. It was v disturbing. My mum interceded but nothing more was done about it and my mum did not leave, nor was there a hint she would (well not one I heard as a child).

(That sister eventually moved out/was asked to leave just before she was 18 when she asked to stay behind while we went on holiday and we returned to find the house trashed from a party she'd had and the police called. Her behaviour was like that from about 13 and I realise now, from watching decades of her behaviour, she probably has a personality disorder ... But it was still utterly wrong).

Anyway I wonder if those experiences, particularly life going on as usual and the family staying together etc affected my behaviour in the relationship.

Born in the early 80's and never hit at school. Was regularly thrashed by my parents when they lost control of their tempers. Has definitely damaged me.

Child during 80's, teenagers during 90's.
No, but a not very close visitor witnessed my brother behaving badly and asked why my parents don't beat him up. My dad said 'Life will beat him'.
I know that my classmates were hit.
My daughter told me her friend cried after a test in school and told her she is beaten when getting 'bad' result. In 2019

I was smacked mainly by my mum in the 80s when me & my sister drove her mad!
She kept us in line by threatening to smack us if we were bad but rarely did it. Fair enough.

But once when I was 18 in the 90s my dad slapped my face because I swore at him.
And when I lived with him at 24 in 2001 we kept rowing & he shut my hand in a drawer in anger, I moved out shortly after that.

Happily I found that myself & my dad got on much better living apart.
We have a good relationship now & he helps me out a lot.

@moggiemonster - that sounds awful especially the wet knickers. I remember being very unwell with diarrhoea once as a child - and my father giving me a smacking when I soiled my knickers - brings back awful memories.

Actually my dsis smacks her dc's bottoms. The youngest punched my dp in the face as he thought it was funny, so my dsis smacked his bottom whilst shouting 'we don't hit!'. The fucking irony.....

I was born in 1980 and I must have been in reception but definitely remember the deputy head smacking a boy called Andrew on the back of his legs. It was in assembly in front of the whole school. I remember it very vaguely but the name of the teacher and the child have stuck with me since then.
She lay him over her lap and gave smacked him whilst explaining that he had been naughty. It's the only instance I remember which might be an indication of how it scared me but also that it was made illegal to smack in schools probably around that time.( I'm not sure of this but that's what I think anyway) off to Google!

I think perhaps it also teaches physical punishment/violence (if that's not too strong a word) is normal and acceptable to some level in the home.

Sorry, forgot to add - and the stuff in school makes it seem generally normal/acceptable too.

I remember being very unwell with diarrhoea once as a child - and my father giving me a smacking when I soiled my knickers - brings back awful memories.

Jesus effing ....

Things like that are so depressing to read.

Home - regularly walloped hard by my mother, usually when my older brother was already being violent towards me. She is now frail and old and I can't forget it.

School - I remember being at primary when the headteacher came in and beat a child with a plimsoll on front of the whole class. A child at my table wet himself in fear.