Were you spanked or hit growing up in the '80s (or earlier)?

[SilverSurfer2020]

I grew up in the 80s and while I was only "spanked" once by a male teacher at primary school and never spanked or hit by my parents (that I can recall) ... I was very aware of the ever present talk of rulers, canes, hitting at the rural primary school I attended, of stories of older children having been hit, and on too of that my older siblings were hit occasionally by my parents.

Was this normal for the time?
I always got the impression it was fairly normal for people a bit older than me, and further back.

I wonder what impact it had on their (and our) perception of physical violence within families, partners etc.

What do you think?

Aibu - no, it was not common.
Aibu - yes, it was common.

(The impact question is not part of this aibu just looking for additional opinions. Maybe I could do a separate aibu for it).

I was smacked at home and unsurprising my brother was very violent with me - we had loads of physical scuffles which I thought was normal until I got older and realised most families don't allow violence between siblings - mine just let us get on with it! Have a pretty poor relationship with my mum and brother but no idea if that contributed. My mum would hit in anger which as a parent myself now I find really abhorrent. I could never, ever hit my child.

Generation X (JUST about. born 65)

My mum would sometimes slap the back of my leg if I had been OTT naughty but it was rare
My darling Dad only ever slapped me ONCE and I think, looking back, that was a reaction of fear and anger . One slap top of the leg . He went off and cried (so said Mum years on). I had gone missing over an hour and everyone had been seeking me out but, apart from those occasions, no spanking and certainly never hit with an object etc.

I was always far more worried about disappointing my Dad who never struck me and rarely raised his voice than being on the receiving end of frequent painful punishment from Mum.

I have never slapped, pinched, pulled the hair of my children.

Born in 1981. I was often hit by my egg donor but never at school. She would often get frustrated and hit me through anger though, in my memory I was being a child and not especially naughty.

My childhood was fairly turbulent though as I remember, she was a single parent with children but 3 different fathers (she refused them access to their children), 2 children with serious illnesses and she was very controlled by her own mother.

Looking back, she was depressed but abusive. She took out her frustrations on me (not the others, I'm the oldest) and I've made sure that I don't model myself on my own upbringing and try my best to ensure I don't even speak like her to my DC. I pride myself on the fact that I can say, when naughty stepping my DC "have I ever hit you? No? Don't hit me then, we do not hit people"

I went NC years ago and I've never been happier.

I'm reading 'Boy' by Roald Dahl to DS2 (7) at the moment and it contains several brutal descriptions of being caned at school (in the '20s so before your timeframe OP). DS was absolutely horrified that this was an acceptable, and indeed expected, way to treat small children. I admit I once tapped him on the back of the legs when he was tiny and driving me absolutely up the wall. I feel absolutely dreadful about it to this day - he has no memory of it at all but I regret losing control like that even though it was only a light tap.

I was smacked around the legs at infant school in the 70s. Can't imagine what for as I was such a timid, quiet child. It still rankles me.

I was also regularly smacked round the head by both parents. My 'D'M also gave permission to my aunt to do the same when I went to stay with her although she never took up the offer.

No contact with my highly narcissistic family now although more for the emotional abuse and dysfunction. They weren't big on physical punishment, more the psychological kind.

Born '84. Smacked by mum, never dad. Pretty sure it was illegal by the time I started as school. (1989).
My ballet teacher used to say she wished she was still allowed to "give us a tap" with her stick. Always said in a nice way if that makes sense. She was wonderful.

I was born in the early 80s. Not smacked at school and wasn't aware of anyone who was. I was smacked at home one time by my mum, I vaguely remember it not being hard and her crying after. Never after that by anyone.

Never smacked in school, although I do remember one boy in my class getting "the belt" - he had to go to the headmaster's office and request it! I got an occasional smack at home, across the bum with a hand, if I did something really naughty or dangerous. There was always a warning that it would happen before it did, and that was usually enough to stop whatever the behaviour was.

Both my parents hit me on occasion, but not often. However, particularly where my father was concerned, the threat was enough.

At primary school (from the late 60s), caning and hitting with a slipper were both common. The headmaster actually kept a 6ft bamboo cane on view in his study though I can't help thinking that was for show.

At secondary school, several teachers and the headmaster used the cane, though I never heard of corporal punishment being used on a girl. With boys, it was relatively common for things like fighting and smoking. The (exclusively male) teachers who used corporal punishment got off on the power, I think. A nasty bunch.

Punishment in my childhood was being slapped across the face, being hit around the head with a wooden spoon and being hit across a naked back and bottom with a belt until I bled. Being made to sit in a freezing cold bath was a punishment if I was sick in bed. I won’t even go into the emotional abuse. I would be lying if I said it hadn’t mentally scarred me. I’ve never hit my daughter. I believe it’s very wrong. In my mind I can’t differentiate between a slap on the legs and the abuse I suffered. I’ve only ever been hit on the hand with a ruler once at primary school.

I think it was common and I remember many of the things you say.

I was hit by my father and the effect is has had is that I hate him for it and would never lay a finger on my DC. It has definitely affected my mental health too. At the time my perception was that physical violence was normal but I was terrified of it and I felt I had no control over it. I felt inside it was wrong because of how bad it made me feel. Subconsciously I think it made me put up with physical violence in an adult relationship more than I should as I felt it was normal and I deserved it.

The physical violence at school used to really scare me too.

My mum hit us when she lost her temper which was often. The worst was being repeatedly thumped on my back with her fist and she broke a stick across my brothers back.
My dad only smacked me twice, literally a tiny tap and I had misbehaved all day.
Neither me or my siblings are the least bit violent if any thing we have no self esteem.
I was smacked both at primary and a French teacher clipped me across my head when I was 15.
I have tapped my own dc probably twice each on the leg when they were about 4 and had nearly killed themselves.( run in the road) I'm not proud of it but they have no memory of being smacked.
My dh has never smacked our dc and his parents never smacked him.

Growing up in the 60's and 70's the cane was something we knew existed but only one boy ever got caned in my school days and that was after we had been caught in the pub at lunch time. For some reason the girls were never caned.

I was at primary in the seventies. There was the threat of the slipper if you were really really naughty- it was fairly legendary and I can only think of a couple of times it was used- it was a very small school. I never got it. Older kids used to terrify us with stories about being caned at secondary school but by the time I went, they had stopped it.

My mum smacked us occasionally. I can still remember the occasions so I guess it left a scar. My elderly great aunts had their own ways of punishing us- mainly ear pulling and pinching. They were born in the late victorian years though so I guess that was normal lol

Child of the 60's here. I was spanked by both parents, only occasionally because my Mum had perfected the death stare and low menacing voice.
We had a music teacher who was notorious for throwing a board rubber across the classroom, we learnt to duck pretty quickly or get hit.
He later became the organist at our local crematorium, always wondered if he had a board rubber hidden to throw at mourners who weren't singing loudly and clearly.

I was born in 1973, remember getting put over the teacher's knee in Kindergarten for talking out of turn and spanked, and thinking, 'you call this punishment?'. It was nothing compared to what my parents doled out.

Got caned at school also (that was much worse), but really my point is that it you have to appreciate how widespread it was. I remember being in a bus queue once, splashing in and out of puddles because I was bored, and a total stranger bent down and slapped me on my bare legs. My mother wasn't happy about it, but can you imagine what would happen now?

I've never touched my kids, only ever raised my voice to them or given them time-outs. And I never wanted my parents to babysit, but fortunately that wasn't an issue. I think that corporal punishment does work (although it causes a lot of damage in the process) but so does a raised voice, so why go nuclear?

@Jomarchsburntskirt - that sounds awful

Geoffreythecat. I remember that punishment from primary school, naughty kids had to stand facing the wall outside headmasters office, for x amount of time, dependant upon severity, with hands on head and not speak to anyone. You had to walk past them at playtime and they wouldn't be able to speak to you.
I don't think its used anymore ?

Why are you only asking about the 80s or before? Everyone born in the 90s is at least 21 years old now.

Because it was banned in schools around 1980, was it not (?)

The home/parent situation is obviously a separate issue.

I'm 61. I was smacked relatively regularly by my mother (never my dad) and once at primary school.

The time at school was when I was 6 - for not going to the toilet at playtime (I didn't need to go). I felt at the time that this was a tad unreasonable.

At my secondary school, children (usually boys) were regularly caned.

I'm so glad my children don't have to grow up being frightened at school and home.

I was at school throughout the 80's. The headmaster used to smack the boys on the bum and the girls round the back of the legs if we were naughty. It happened to me once, I was very young, maybe 5 or 6. I remember crying before I even got through the office door.

I'd get hit with a slipper at home or sometimes with a hand if my mum was too angry to wait. She is still someone who lashes out now in anger or frustration.

I've never hit my child or ever come close to it, no matter how angry I am. DH is just the same. We don't use corporal punishment in our prisons, even murderers are not physical punished in that way. (I'm not naive to prison violence btw, but that's a different issue).

We are aghast with countries who use corporal punishment, stoning, lashing etc. Smacking kids as a way of punishment doesn't work. It teaches fear instead of respect.

I felt it was normal but at the same time disturbing and still not right.

Subconsciously I think it made me put up with physical violence in an adult relationship more than I should as I felt it was normal and I deserved it.

That's what I wonder - it seems likely doesn't it.

@Jomarchsburntskirt

Was that a boarding school.

A cold bath if you were sick?! Were they trying to give children pneumonia???

That's sadism. That's the problem with "corporal punishment" - it attracts sadists, and can move into sadism or at the very least malice.