Were you spanked or hit growing up in the '80s (or earlier)?

[SilverSurfer2020]

I grew up in the 80s and while I was only "spanked" once by a male teacher at primary school and never spanked or hit by my parents (that I can recall) ... I was very aware of the ever present talk of rulers, canes, hitting at the rural primary school I attended, of stories of older children having been hit, and on too of that my older siblings were hit occasionally by my parents.

Was this normal for the time?
I always got the impression it was fairly normal for people a bit older than me, and further back.

I wonder what impact it had on their (and our) perception of physical violence within families, partners etc.

What do you think?

Aibu - no, it was not common.
Aibu - yes, it was common.

(The impact question is not part of this aibu just looking for additional opinions. Maybe I could do a separate aibu for it).

@Loveletters123

That to me is abuse.

Actually it highlights the fact that allowing corporal punishment at all.enablers abusers to justify abuse to themselves and children and puts the kids in a position where its ambiguous that they are being abused.

Never at school, yes at home. Now NC.

We don’t use physical punishment ever on our children. It is illegal and punishable to physically hurt another adult so quite why it’s ok to do so to a child is beyond me.

When we were small our mum would smack us. Remember the handprint lasting ages.
When we got to our teens I remember our father chasing us around the house with his belt in his hand to hit us with. The violence terrified me and I remember sitting in my room with the door shut with my back against it and my legs against the bunk bed barring his entry on one occasion. Still got belted later (with extra for my defiance).
My father frequently lost control while punishing us. It's why I've never hit my dc.
Sent to the headmaster for the cane on occasion too. Was dying out as a practice as I moved on to sixth form and college.

Born mid 60s. The cane and the ruler were commonplace in school. Parents used to threaten The Wooden Spoon but if it was ever used, I don’t remember so obviously didn’t find it traumatic.

1950's born, never at school but my dad was quite excessive with the slaps, wound up by a totally bat shit mother

Smacked often and constantly shouted at at home.

Not so much at school but I was born 88 so I think I just escaped the school being allowed to

My first 'live with' boyfriend hit me and threw things at me. I wonder if it was my unstable upbringing tho rather than solely smacking.

I'd never dream of laying a hand on my boy however and me and husband dont shout at all. Hoping to learn from parents mistakes rather than repeating

@SilverSurfer2020 the way I was brought up has definitely impacted my adult relationships in a negative way and I find myself avoiding confrontation wherever possible and I feel scared around aggressive people

I remember going over my dad’s knee on several occasions and being smacked. I think the shame of it was worse than the pain but I also remember that it really hurt. I think it was probably very common for children of our era. I don’t think it did me any lasting damage.

I wasn’t smacked, I was hit, slapped, dragged around and on one occasion hit with a riding whip when I was around 12. I can remember telling a school friend when I was about 9 that my mum keeps hitting me and she in turn told her mum who said I need to tell a teacher but I was too scared too. I can remember my mums rages, one of the worst was being told to play in silence I knew she was in one of her moods and was terrified, I tried to take myself out of the way by going upstairs but she wouldn’t let me, she was looking for an excuse to attack me, I was playing with my Lego and the noise of me clipping the bricks together was all it took and she flew at me, I curled in a ball while sh3 hit me and screamed at me that she wanted me to cry so I wouldn’t it was the only control I had, both her and my father were emotionally abusive as well so I have ended up with Anxiety as a result. I left home and married as soon as I could to get away from them. I’m LC with them and don’t really know how I feel about them tbh, I guess anything I do is out of duty and that’s it. I never once have smacked my child, I couldn’t bring myself to harm or humiliate her and as a result I have a happy, confident child and a great relationship with her

Actually it highlights the fact that allowing corporal punishment at all.enablers abusers to justify abuse to themselves and children and puts the kids in a position where its ambiguous that they are being abused.

ABSOLUTELY THIS.

Even as an adult the fact that smacking was commonplace allows my parents to believe that they only did what everyone else did, and still makes me doubt what I know to be true.

I was born in 87 mum would do the smacking...with her hand or a slipper.. I can still feel the cold rubber sole
The worst would be running up the stairs thinking you'd gotten away only to have your ankle grabbed at the last second

I was born in the late 80s and my mother would whack us something good!! My father never did.

Actually it highlights the fact that allowing corporal punishment at all.enablers abusers to justify abuse to themselves and children and puts the kids in a position where its ambiguous that they are being abused.

I was smacked as a child and a few times as a teenager by my father, once it was so hard I fell over and he proceeded to kick me between the legs. He maintains that he didn't mean to kick me there and was instead aiming for my side, as if it makes any difference. He thought it was okay, because it's discipline and I was 'naughty', by his own arbitrary definition. "It was done out of love" my parents say now which absolutely enrages me as I can't ever imagine hurting a child. I certainly didn't feel loved when I was being dragged toward my father by my wrist because I'd gotten toothpaste on a clean towel.

I've also had a string of nasty boyfriends and felt like I deserved a lot of the smacks and screaming at me until I learned disconnect the connection between being loved and nurtured, and being hit so that I would comply with how the people I loved wanted me to behave.

FWIW, I entirely reject the notion that corporal punishment is or ever was necessary to properly raise respectful and well-behaved children. None of my children were hit, smacked or anything of the sort, and I know people think their own kids are perfect but mine have turned out to be very polite, nice and kind people which is all one can hope for their children imo.

I was born in 1981 and my parents smacked me occasionally. At least two of the neighbours smacked their kids too, so I assumed it was normal.

I have never smacked my own DD, but I have been tempted when she’s been particularly defiant. However, I believe that DD needs to develop her own moral compass and use it to control her behaviour and do the right thing, even when nobody’s watching.

I’ve always found it particularly hypocritical when parents smack their children for hurting others. I’m trying to help DD develop empathy by discussing what other people (and animals) are feeling, especially when we read storybooks together.

Born in late 80s and was smacked as a child, not often. Twice that I can remember though possibly more. Only by parents though it wouldn't have happened in school. I don't feel it's had any lasting effect on me.

Havent smacked my DC but have been thinking about tapping my 6 year old on the hand to get her to stop sometimes. Don't know if that is considered the same as smacking. Her behaviour has been very challenging and nothing I do is working

Yes at home and at school.

Born in the late 60s, whipped with a belt by my dad for minor infractions, usually when he was angry. One time he whipped my sister and I on the front lawn in front of all the neighbors because my sister and I were bickering while picking up the thorny hedge trimmings bare-handed. I'm still angry all these years later. I have never smacked my daughter. I have never spoken to her with harsh words. I hope I have broken the cycle of violence in my family.

I started Infant school in about 75/76 and the head of the infant and junior school used corporal punishment as mentioned. My eldest started primary in 2008 by which time obviously CP was unthinkable. I remember being at a school meeting for my children and thinking how weird it was to imagine it being used in a primary school. I guess the teachers must have just thought it was normal. I remember a couple of teachers saying they wished they could smack children. (I assume only the heads were allowed to as they were the only ones who ever did)

Me and my sister used to have physical fights as teenagers. My own (never smacked) children would never do that.(Eldest is 15) I assume the fact i was hit a lot as a kid would have encouraged a culture of violence in the family.

Although I was very occasionally smacked and I don’t bear my parents any ill will, I don’t think it is the right thing to do. My dad said that when he was young in his area it was considered ok for a man to give his wife a wee slap to keep her in order. This is unthinkable today. In years to come hitting a child will be just as unthinkable.

Shamefully when my son was playing up (hitting and biting me), I threatened to give him a smack if he did it again. He hit me again. I went to smack him and then realised that I couldn’t actually do it. I gave him a very tiny tap with my index finger on his hand and told him that was was a smack. I still feel awful about it as although it couldn’t have possibly hurt (it was the absolute tiniest tap with one finger; my hand didn’t move at all), I basically scared him and as an adult, it was not great parenting. The next day I called the HV to get some support in managing his behaviour which was very helpful. I’ve not “smacked” him again since: but I fear that it is an event he will remember.