Were you spanked or hit growing up in the '80s (or earlier)?

[SilverSurfer2020]

I grew up in the 80s and while I was only "spanked" once by a male teacher at primary school and never spanked or hit by my parents (that I can recall) ... I was very aware of the ever present talk of rulers, canes, hitting at the rural primary school I attended, of stories of older children having been hit, and on too of that my older siblings were hit occasionally by my parents.

Was this normal for the time?
I always got the impression it was fairly normal for people a bit older than me, and further back.

I wonder what impact it had on their (and our) perception of physical violence within families, partners etc.

What do you think?

Aibu - no, it was not common.
Aibu - yes, it was common.

(The impact question is not part of this aibu just looking for additional opinions. Maybe I could do a separate aibu for it).

Smack on the bum at home but was reserved for when being deliberately really naughty - endlessly winding up mum, persisting in doing something I had been told off for repeatedly. I dont bear a grudge, it didn't hurt that much and i always knew it was coming when playing up, and it was effective in reminding me that sometimes you need to do as parents say just because. I'm not a believer in children ruling the roost - you can be in control when you are paying the bills.

Never anything at all at school. Born in the 80s.

I was born in 1981 and was never hit.

I started school in 1984 and I don’t remember ever but hit there. I can’t imagine any of my teachers doing so as they were all really nice.

As far as I can recall, my dad smacked me and my brother once. He still feels bad about it now!! But it didn’t bother us at the time or now. However, I know my dad was regularly beaten as a child and it really affected him so he was upset that he had smacked us.

He used to say “you’re cruising for a bruising” if we were being particularly naughty but it was just a verbal telling off, we knew he wouldn’t actually hurt us.

@FreedomfromPE, that's what it was, a level of fear. Later on the fear of pregnancy and being a unmarried mother etc kept us under control.

We weren't any nicer people or children.

Actually I said I was smacked when naughty by my parents but I think that was anecdotal. I can't actually remember being smacked. Maybe I was threatened with a smack but then behaved so wasn't actually smacked?

@Mia1415
"I was born in 1981 and was never hit."

As said, there was a change in attitude around 1983 and we started to think more around the emotional needs of a child.

Yes I was smacked as a child. And made to stand in the corner facing the wall with my hands on my head. Both by my parents.

At school, I was hit over the knuckles with a ruler by a teacher. That was in what would now be year 1. The headmaster had a plimsoll (it was called the white tornado) which was used to 'slipper' children.

Born 1973, smacked on the bum by my dad, hit wherever by my mother and stepfather. The latter two lashed out when they were fed up or frustrated and it was considered normal/acceptable. At school (private prep), boys were hit with a slipper, girls not. I had to tell my DPs when my DC were born that if they ever hit them then that would the last time they saw them.

I was smacked occasionally by my Caribbean dad, born in (93). It's still a thing from what I hear from family.

All these smacking and corporal punishment stories

Another one here with parents who deny ever laying a hand on me but I was often smacked hard (once across the face) if my parents didn’t like the way I had spoken/looked at them ( I wasn’t a naughty child; too afraid). Hit with a ruler at school for talking. I would never ever smack my child; I still feel the fear of upsetting my parents and never want her to feel like that.

I was slapped and smacked as a child in the nineties, mostly by my dad rather than my mom, usually if I’d been playing up for a bit and he lost his temper. It was very common on our working class estate and is still fairly common, to be honest.

Mom feels extremely guilty about it because she has constant mom guilt about everything she did. They both came from abusive households where their moms/themselves being beaten was normal, as well as emotional and financial abuse. They used to also shove each other and things during arguments, which doesn’t seem to happen now.

I don’t hit my children and they wouldn’t hit them either. The last time my dad hit/shoved me was a slap across the face at 17 and a shove across the room at 20. In both cases, I had barged into him with my shoulder first, though I was much smaller and weaker than him and he had been acting aggressively towards me. It seemed completely normal to me then and I also thought it wasn’t a big deal to shove or slap your partner during an argument, as long as you didn’t really hurt them. I obviously wouldn’t tolerate that from my dad now but I can’t see the situation arising anyway since I don’t live there and we don’t argue. If it did somehow happen I’d make it clear he wouldn’t be seeing his grandchildren again. I do not tolerate any kind of violence in my relationship but I think they still have different views. A little shove during a row would be something you know you shouldn’t have done in temper but not a big deal. A partner once grabbed my arm during an argument and hurt me. I was upset and spoke to my mom about it and she struggled a bit because she knew it was wrong and that I was very unhappy with it but didn’t see it as a big relationship issue herself.

I was smacked occasionally - "I'll put you over my knee" type smacking - when I had become too much hard work, which wasn't often. It was clearly a frustration release for my parents.

At school there was not much violence from teachers, so when it happened it was a huge big deal. eg A friend got slapped on the face by the PE teacher for crying...no way would that be allowed now but I don't even think her parents complained.

I smacked one child once when he bit me, it took me by surprise and I slapped his bare bottom. Made us both cry. Other than that never been tempted to hit dc. I don't understand my parents' generation in so many ways.

I was smacked at home (infrequently) but never at school. Born in the 70s.

Oh and I recall a time at school, I must've been 8 or 9 when a dad was speaking to the head teacher about his son and the dad got angry and punched him in the arm. Headteacher did nothing, but looked away awkwardly.

Wondering if this is also a cultural thing as the dad was Spanish. The boy was in one of my classes in sixth form and he seemed quite troubled, very disruptive.

I was at school in the 70’s and 80’s.
At primary kids were slapped on the back of the legs bare by the deputy head. It was in view of others. He was a lovely guy and I’m certain only doing it because it was the norm.
My elder siblings at g thy hat time were caned at secondary.

At secondary we were hit on the bare bum with a leather sandal or hairbrush by a same sex teacher in private. I think boys got the cane.

AFAIK it was made officially illegal around ‘82 but was fading out during the late 70’s.

Never hit at school, grew up in the 80's but that was never a thing AFAIR. Definitely smacked at home, no lasting effects.

Smacked at school, smacked by parents during primary school. Not smacked by extended family.
During secondary school, my parents only needed to give me/sibling a look and we stopped misbehaving.
I continue to believe it's a very healthy and reasonable way of disciplining children.

I have an extremely vivid memory of a classmate returning to class with huge welts on his hand where he had been caned by the deputy headteacher. I can see them now, and the tears in his eyes. He was 10 years old, and this was in 1979. This was no less than a brutal, sadistic assault by a teacher , a grown up, on a small child.

It doesn't matter what he did..that punishment was awful. My parent was a teacher at the same school, and recently memories like this have bothered me greatly. I can't see that child growing into a youth then a man without a simmering resentment, and somehow getting his own back on someone, somewhere.

I have spoken to my now elderly parent about it, and she has been quite dismissive in a ' well that was how it was done' way. Whilst I was never really physically punished by my parents, I know my parent as a teacher in the '70s was complicit in assaults on children.

I hate these threads so many people are still proud to admit they think it's acceptable to hit children. I do actually hope your children learn a better way of life and cut you out of theirs.

If we'd been really naughty we'd get one smack from parents. Never from anyone else. We usually deserved it.

Born in late 70s in Australia, semi regularly given the ruler (1m long, teacher had a pet name for it) and got caned a few times too.

Can't remember if parents did or didn't, they probably did

Born in the late 60s and students were caned or hit with the slipper at my schools - no personal experience.

I was born in the early 90s so no smacking at school when I was there. I remember my mum smacking my bum once. I had those scissors that make fancy shapes when you cut paper. I decided to serve if they would cut anything else. Tried it on my mums indoor plant, one of those expensive ones with the big waxy leaves. Turns out it worked. Mum asked me when she noticed if I'd cut the leaf. I said no. She said hmm. (She obv knew I did). Then later on while she was cooking tea i did it again. This time she caught me red handed. She smacked my bum and sent me to my room until tea was ready. The smack didn't hurt me but it shocked me. I didnt destroy anything again.

Yep 80’s born, regularly hit by my parents and regularly saw teachers lose it with kids - but it was banned.

Do I think it scarred me, no. But I do remember just wanting a cuddle to calm down but being met with a hit instead.