Were you spanked or hit growing up in the '80s (or earlier)?

[SilverSurfer2020]

I grew up in the 80s and while I was only "spanked" once by a male teacher at primary school and never spanked or hit by my parents (that I can recall) ... I was very aware of the ever present talk of rulers, canes, hitting at the rural primary school I attended, of stories of older children having been hit, and on too of that my older siblings were hit occasionally by my parents.

Was this normal for the time?
I always got the impression it was fairly normal for people a bit older than me, and further back.

I wonder what impact it had on their (and our) perception of physical violence within families, partners etc.

What do you think?

Aibu - no, it was not common.
Aibu - yes, it was common.

(The impact question is not part of this aibu just looking for additional opinions. Maybe I could do a separate aibu for it).

I was a child in the 90s and smacked occasionally by both parents when I was misbehaving. Just seemed normal at the time.

*But once when I was 18 in the 90s my dad slapped my face because I swore at him.
And when I lived with him at 24 in 2001 we kept rowing & he shut my hand in a drawer in anger, I moved out shortly after that.

Happily I found that myself & my dad got on much better living apart.
We have a good relationship now & he helps me out a lot.*

You're very forgiving.

I think my sister tried to forgive my dad -though his was considerably worse than the above - but I don't think she really could.

(He apparently also hit her face once but I didnt see that at the time and only heard years later via her).

Growing up in the 60s, I was smacked occasionally, it was only after I had been warned a couple of times that it would happen if I didn't stop what I was doing.
I didn't smack my children, there were times when I felt like it, but would remove myself from the situation, then would explain to DC why I was cross etc., because I didn't want to react in anger.
I think physical punishment is reducing with each generation, my father was given the belt by his father.

I grew up in the 80's and no I was never hit by parents or in school, never saw anyone else get hit in school either (I'm in Ireland)

I was hit at school and hair pulled. Teacher and teacher assistant.
I was hit and punched at home and pushed down stairs and threatened with a gun.

I was beaten a lot and pretty bad by my mum. Never by my dad. We were growing up in a 2 bed flat sink estate in London. 4 in a room and mum dad in the other room. If one child was out of line, mum would line us up in a row and beat us each till our knees dropped. If I came home with a grade B I was beaten with a cane and made to read an encyclopedia all night. I was argued with my mum that women were not to be blamed if they were raped and my mum threw a China plate at me and I still have the scars on my hands from the plate breaking on me. My mother was extremely unhinged. We went through 10 broken telephones and she also pulled me into the bathroom once and pulled her top up and showed her breasts at me as punishment when I was 13. I have no idea as the punishment never seemed to meet the crime. We were very obedient scared children until we each left home as early as possible.

Still I would look back and feel pity at my mum. She never had a life living in poverty. Stuck in 4 walls with no money and a husband with severe vices. Then all topped off with dad having a stroke at age 55 and m sentenced to a lifetime of caring for him. He's now paralysed.

If you made it this far. Being beaten was the norm and almost every week occurance. But I think what goes round comes round. Social services was close a few times but we always gave a good front. Namely having an outstanding school report kept things at bay but I'll always look back with complete appreciation and how things for my kids is so much better. I know how to parent well, happily with mine and never need to lay a finger.

Yes in the 70s when I was small; at school (primary) there was a gym shoe and in the 80s at a mixed secondary there was a cane. I never got those. I suspect, though it doesn't make it right, I was smacked for hurting my brother or for being dangerous (I remember my brother climbing around in the car when my mum was driving, he'd have been 8 and he got smacked. I also know that many parents these days use a loud shout or pulling a child sharply to keep them safe when normally they are very gentle)

I was hit and punched at home and pushed down stairs and threatened with a gun

By your parents or siblings?

Christ.

I wasn't smacked often and never by my dad but my mum smacked me a few times growing up.

It seemed entirely normal to me back than.

Yes, it was the "culture" back then, mostly by mum, very rarely dad. But dad only hit me when i did something extremely bad, mum would hit me on regular basis, whenever i pissed her off somehow, i.e. not wanting to eat, sleep, or got my clothes dirty. I have little respect for her for that.

I was born in 81 and was smacked by my parents. Smacking in school however was not allowed. I recall one teacher who didn't seem to like boys at all and would regularly hit them. There was a certain pupil she would always slap or smack and even slammed his head down on his desk once so hard that we all ran up to his mum after school and told her. Unfortunately for the teacher, the boy's mum was the type to take no prisoners. She marched in to school and started yelling at the teacher and whether the teacher became physical or not, the mum ended up physically throwing the teacher into a sink! Like, right into the big ceramic sink, arse first into the soaking paint pots.
Her son said she had made complaints plenty of times before and this time, according to Primary legend, the teacher disappeared because she was sacked immediately. The kid got to stay though.

Obtw, we're Asian and mum from communist country. No such thing as verbal warnings. And growing up here in UK was a parallel universe. Being blamed was being virtuas and being beaten and feeling the pain was a sign of respect. It's totally not on but it's the only means of control when verbal dialogue is non existent.

Yes at home.
Never at school, never messed around or was naughty at school tbh. Only the incredibly naughty kids were given the slipper.

70s and 80s schooling here and yes, it was common both at school and home.

At home, we had the belt, slipper and cane.

At school, we had the slipper (boys) and cane (girls).

Knocking heads together and having a rubber thrown at you were common too. The rubber was the size and weight of a shoe.

I dont think it affected me. Ive never been violent or been the victim of violence. Everyone says I’m kind and thoughtful. I could see why corporal punishment was used but in my case it was unfair: I was dragged into the boys toilets by a fifth year weighing 12 stone. Was i meant to suddenly over power him? He received no punishment.

I was smacked by my parents, and once by a teacher who felt awful, phoned my mum and told her what she had done expecting to get shouted at, and instead my mum said I must have done something to deserve it and not to worry. My dad once told me if I came home whining about being pushed by the other kids in our close when I was older and bigger than them, and hadn't given them a whack, I would get a good hiding myself. Sounds barbaric now but at the time was normal - all my friends were smacked by their parents too.

Never at school but my DM was a smacker. She also did a great line in pinching the back of arms. I didn't enjoy it when I was young, but as I got older I remember running away from her, and it being really funny. I only remember DF smacking me once or twice, which was much worse, as it hurt more emotionally, as I was very close to him. Looking back now, DM was not a nice person, she is still alive, and I do resent her lack of love as a child. I have never smacked my children.

Sorry, I don't understand your vote, but it was normal to be smacked at home and at school in the 70's.
I was smacked daily by teachers as have difficulties, and couldn't do the work.
My life was hell and I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have experienced my childhood.
I have had years of therapy to overcome the effects of abuse from childhood.

It was common at work too. Slapping and punching were common. One boss used to see of sales reps with his shotgun.

@SilverSurfer2020 I know but I think it was the case that our father daughter relationship was at breaking point, everything I did seemed to drive my dad mad but he was too polite to ask me to move out.
It wasn't a good time. I hated going home from work.
I was lucky to rent a room somewhere.
It was the start of a better time when I'd moved out & we rebuilt our relationship.

We were smacked at home, yes. Late 1970s to mid-1980s born.

By both parents, for medium to major "bad" behaviour.

I put bad in quotes because I still have vivid memories of being a young child and the sense of injustice (albeit I wouldn't have known that word at 4, I still remember the feeling).

Typical example: I have an extremely vivid memory of needing to pee. My mum bumped into a friend and stood chatting at the supermarket for a long time. I desperately needed to go and tried to hold it in. I knew I'd get hit if I had an accident, but I also knew interrupting adults talking was bad. I tried to time my "mum I need the toilet" when there's a moment's fucking silence in the conversation but it's impossible to judge as a child since I can't understand what they're talking about. I end up interrupting my mum, and get the biggest row (and later slap) but end up not pissing myself thankfully.

I look at my mum now she's older and frailer and needing my emotional and financial help, and despite loving her, and the abuse not being awful like some children... It impacts me because it pops into my head at random moments with her. She was cruel at times and I can't understand why she did these things. She's just a selfish and horrid person at her core.

Or when I look at my DC, I often think how I'd have been treated... I can't imagine doing the same.

I was smacked as a child, I dont do it with my own. I do see parents still smacking their children when answering back, being naughty and such and it turns my stomach to be honest. There's no need.

A teacher smacked a child when I was at secondary. Not hard from all accounts, but I think it lead to a police caution. It was very late 90s I think.

This thread makes you think. thankfully this is not allowed these days. A lot is made over children being under increased pressures these days.

But at least they are not hit like a few decades ago. But sometimes it is seen as a kind of 'golden age' before the pressures of social media etc. Maybe there is a tendency of looking back with rose tinted glasses.

I grew up in the 80's and no I was never hit by parents or in school, never saw anyone else get hit in school either (I'm in Ireland)

I'm referring to Northern Ireland.

Tbh I'm surprised because I thought things were even worse in the republic of Ireland (if that's where you are) as most (all?) were run by priests and nuns. Guys I know who went to Christian brothers schools in NI said it was standard.

I grew up in the 60's and no, I was never hit at home or at school. I never hit my children either, in the 80's.

Grew up in the 80s, never smacked at school but very occasionally at home. Dad used to do 1...2...3 and if we hadn't stopped what we were doing by the time he got to 3 we'd get a smack but he rarely got to 3 even adding in 2 and a 1/2 and 3/4 but occasionally we got a smack just to know he meant it.
Didn't do me any harm and I was much better behaved for it than my darlings.