Were you spanked or hit growing up in the '80s (or earlier)?

[SilverSurfer2020]

I grew up in the 80s and while I was only "spanked" once by a male teacher at primary school and never spanked or hit by my parents (that I can recall) ... I was very aware of the ever present talk of rulers, canes, hitting at the rural primary school I attended, of stories of older children having been hit, and on too of that my older siblings were hit occasionally by my parents.

Was this normal for the time?
I always got the impression it was fairly normal for people a bit older than me, and further back.

I wonder what impact it had on their (and our) perception of physical violence within families, partners etc.

What do you think?

Aibu - no, it was not common.
Aibu - yes, it was common.

(The impact question is not part of this aibu just looking for additional opinions. Maybe I could do a separate aibu for it).

At my school the boys were hit with a football boot. The girls weren't hit at all. We had a teacher who used to shove his hands down your blouse though. I'd rather have been hit with the football boot.

Wacky not whacky actually.

Born 75 .. I had the leather belt once from my dad, mouth washed out with soap for swearing (only recall once) and smacked. No long term affect. I was a v rebellious teen and my mum once woke me up by kicking me while I was in bed. She thought I was sleeping with men for money (never ever have done that) because I was dating an older man. She stood me in front of the mirror to 'get a look at myself' because i refused to wear a bra (small boobs anyways and embarrassed by bras at that time), told me I looked a state and to get my hair cut. That all hurt more than the belt/smacking. I was 17

Was only parents not teachers or more distant relatives (that was my parents' experience), and it was only when we'd done something that risked someone's life (eg pushing a sibling into the road), it was a deliberate act, and we understood what we'd done - usually because we'd done whatever it was after being told it was dangerous.

I don't remember the actual punishment, but I do remember how upset my parents were at having to punish one of us, mum would be sobbing, dad who stereotypically never cried would have tears streaming down his face - they would also explain what was about to happen and why. I do remember cuddles afterwards and that it was made very clear to us that we weren't 'bad' it was what we had done/the choices we made that were 'bad'.

I'm not defending it; I would like to point out however that not every person/parent who 'smacked' their children were lashing out in anger.

I'm also sure that the children of tomorrow will have different values and equally judge us for something that is generally considered normal (eg keeping pets, eating meat, overuse of antibiotics, owning/driving cars, using known carcinogens in beauty products, ecigs, wasting clean water in toilets, vanity cosmetic surgery, having more than 2 children, one person housing etc)

I was born in 1991 and I remember my brother and I being smacked by my mum and dad several times.

I think for me, it was more the humiliation of being smacked (sometimes in public, sometimes at home) that caused lasting damage for me.

I was at a Christmas market last month and saw a mother smack her two young children. They were running around and knocked a wooden table over (solid wood!) so could have hurt themselves... but I found it very odd and quite ironic/hypocritical that she hit them whilst shouting "YOU COULD HAVE HURT YOURSELVES!" Go figure.

Spanking wasn't seen as abusive in the 80s like it is now it had been allowed in schools for years and a lot of people thought that within reason it was being cruel to be kind.

I think the humiliation is a good point. That and look as of bodily autonomy. Some adults don't seem to really get that even a small child can feel humiliation but they do.

At the end of the day it's also a kind of assault, and that's upsetting (and angering).

I remember anger being a major feature of my response when the headmaster hit my legs (I think, I was v young). He did it in his office so I wasn't humiliated by other people else seeing it.

I had my bottom smacked on more than one occasion. I don't think it affected me. I don't smack or hit my children. Times change.

*lack of bodily autonomy

Born late 70s. The family in our rural village who didn't smack their kids were seen as rather hippyish.

I was occasionally spanked, but not hit at my state school. Others I know who went to prep schools were hit (and tweaked and had ears twisted )

I mean spanked by my parents

Yes, silver surfer - it's the humiliation of being put over a knee and smacked on the bum that I remember rather than any pain. I do have a very good relationship with my parents, but don't hit my own dc.

Thank you everyone for your responses; it has been enlightening (and depressing) about just how common the attitude & behaviour in my school was (and at home to some extent)..

The incidents at home are tricky because I think they happened against the above context of corporal punishment being seen as acceptable by many (majority probably?) of parents; but the ones I remember definitely escalated/crossed into abuse & assault.

Which means I suppose my question about impact on values, expectations etc of relationships & families mostly applies to those who also felt their parents behaviour crossed into abuse/assault.

(Though obviously I realise some posters who dont feel it did still feel it damaged them .. abs possibly affected their relationships).

My Dad never once smacked me, yet he was the 'scary' parent. My mum caned me on my bare bum when I was 5. That was 44 years ago and I still remember it quite vividly. She felt bad for doing it as apologised repeatedly over the years. I was quite gobby as a teenager and was always getting a thick ear or a slap round the back of the legs. It was all pretty normal then. Doesnt mean it was right though and I do not agree with it one bit.

Born in late 70s. Never hit or spanked at home or in school (state). Lots of talk about what they used to do to naughty kids at school and I remember reading about caning etc in books. Was really aware that it had only recently been made illegal. Neither of my parents would ever have hit us and I don't ever remember being scared although they both lost their temper on occasion and sent us to our rooms, grounded us, took away privileges etc.

@SignOnTheWindow

Horrible - such a probe, helpless, vulnerable & powerless position to be forced into. I suppose it's symbolic as well.as physical - though I doubt know if kids think.about that.

I grew up in 1950s and 60s. Yes I was smacked sometimes by parents, not severely. I certainly resented it and vowed that if I had children, I would never raise a hand to them nor allow anyone else to do so. I knew people of my generation who did spank their kids and believed it was their right. Charming - not.

*don't know

Spanked? We were fucking leathered left right and centre by parents and school.

I don't like smacking full stop but actually think I ed the knee type stuff is worse for the above reasons than just doing it while the child us standing.

Still horrible to see though.

*prone not probe

I am a 90's kid and definitely was smacked.

Of all the things that that my parents may have done wrong, the smacking is the thing I disapprove of the least (as it usually was ''justified'') , there was time where it did cross the line, though.

I'll never forget coming home late one day (I was playing at the downstairs neighbour's house, so not out in the streets and they knew where I was) and may have been about 9, and my stepdad hitting me with a bar as soon as I got home so hard I had the mark of it for a week printed into my back. Now that was abusive to me and totally out of line.

That being said, it didn't cause me any damage, and definitely hasn't normalized violence for me, I still stand up to violence, though I'll admit that I don't see a quick smack to the bum (not the face!) as outrageous, not saying I will use it for my kids just that I won't necessarily be on the phone to SS if I see it happen (well depending on the circumstances).

Yes. No details though, you could be anybody.

I don’t remember ever being smacked at school (born in 1980) but was smacked by both parents and if caught talking in bed my sister and I were hit with canes. I remember my sister being smacked so hard on one occasion by our dad that it left a hand print. Mum would use her slipper and on one occasion my sister was punched in the mouth by our dad which split her lip. Not a nice way to grow up 🙁

My Mum used to slap my legs, I have a very vivid memory of her chasing me up the stairs slapping my legs as we went. Didn’t have any negative effects at all. Slapping was considered perfectly normal when kids played up, or had put themselves in danger. i.e. being too near the fire. Disrespecting adults was considered a heinous offence and would definitely result in a walloping.