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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date someone who had a coldsore in the past?

438 replies

Onewardsup · 05/01/2020 12:11

YABU - no
YANBU - yes

Not talking an active one and a date right now, just someone that gets them, maybe just one coldsore (so Herpes), a year, 2 years, 5 years ago!

And yes I have another thread to those who have read it. Just wanting a poll, thanks.

OP posts:
ButterflyRuns · 05/01/2020 20:14

My bad, just read a bit of the thread and realised it's referring to genital herpes. I always assumed coldsores were referring just to the mouth, you learn something new everyday.

lboogy · 05/01/2020 20:15

Funny I used to get them at least once every 3 months in my 20s. I can't say I've had one in the last 5 years. not sure why that could be. I've done nothing different

DonnaMckanny · 05/01/2020 20:16

No , that’s skanky

CodenameVillanelle · 05/01/2020 20:19

@lboogy you get them less and less often as time goes on

Frequency · 05/01/2020 20:31

I always used to get them on the corners of my mouth. I hated it. Everytime I ate or yawned the sores would crack and bleed and being a naive and ignorant teenager I would then worry about them getting on my tongue because I couldn't eat without my mouth shedding 'cold sore blood' all over my sandwiches. I would eat soup and things that didn't require me to open my mouth very wide to fit it in Grin

Now I'm older I get them under my lower lip. They're much less painful there. I still get them relative often but my diet and sleep patterns are truly shocking. They often accompany very mild flu like symptoms that last a day or so. I always assumed the flu like symptoms were causing the cold sores i.e catching a mild bug made me more run down than normal = cold sore appearing. Now, I'm wondering whether the herpes virus is causing the mild flu like symptoms.

Letseatgrandma · 05/01/2020 20:35

Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be being intentionally cruel. The OP asked and I answered. I wouldn’t knowingly sleep with someone with genital herpes or any other std.

SirChing · 05/01/2020 20:39

No , that’s skanky

Far less "skanky" than your manners.

"Skanky" also implies a lack of cleanliness which has nothing to do with transmission of the virus and, frankly, shows a woeful level of ignorance to both medical facts AND the feelings of others.

PlomBear · 05/01/2020 20:46

I get one a year, lysine helps keep them at bay. I was dating my now DH when I had a cold sore and text him saying I could understand if he didn’t want to see me that day. He told me not to be so silly!

My ex partner shouted at me when he saw I had a cold sore...

Many years ago, I was a waitress as a teenager in a “naice” hotel. I worked the breakfast shift during the holidays.

Anyway, I had one horrible woman refused to me served by me as I had a cold sore! The assistant manager sent me home with no pay and told me then not to come back until it was fully healed.

The manager then sacked me for being off sick.

🤷🏻‍♀️

SirChing · 05/01/2020 20:49

@PlomBear That's awful! You poor thing. If there was any justice, all three of them would have developed a temporary yet prominent sore right on the end of their nose!

PlomBear · 05/01/2020 20:54

@SirChing people can be so unkind to teenagers! Sad I was awkward and shy so being treated like that made me feel much worse.

I used to be cabin crew and having a cold sore was a valid reason to call in sick! I think you could have 3 occurrences a year and they would be discounted from the sickness absence policy.

I now work in offices where nobody cares. I use those Compeed blister plasters and then put some concealer on top so it doesn’t look too bad.

I’ll keep taking lysine and hopefully I won’t get another one...

CtrlU · 05/01/2020 20:57

I would prefer not to as I’ve never had cold sores and don’t want them in future however I can’t imagine knowing if someone I’m dating would get them without seeing them with one so I’m not sure.

Frequency · 05/01/2020 20:58

Plom, I find if I put Zovirax or similar on at the first tingle I don't get a full blown sore, just a tiny, itchy blister that I can cover with lip liner. After much reading I learned I don't need to buy a new lip liner every time I have a cold sore. The virus can't survive for more than a few seconds when it's not in contact with human skin and it certainly can't live on lip liners (or towels, which is another common myth).

HowManyToes · 05/01/2020 21:01

To those of you who get cold sores - LIPIVIR is wonderful! I haven’t had one in aaaaaaaages and I’m usually quite bad with them in cold weather.

IdiotInDisguise · 05/01/2020 21:08

Hand cleaning gel and ice, does the trick if you catch it before it breaks (just put the ice in a kitchen towel to avoid being burnt by it)

anonymoooose · 05/01/2020 21:15

To Onewardsup - I've always been clean when it comes to sex but my last partner (sons dad) passed the herpes onto me. I am very anxious about dating again and whether I should tell the guy. Most of these answers are reassuring but you just never know how someone might react. I get outbreaks (down there, not cold sores) when I have been crying a lot of have a depressive episode so it would impact on my sex life for a few days. Just hope whoever I meet isn't small minded

herpesnamechangeforthis · 05/01/2020 21:26

OP I totally understand. I get cold sores and have done since childhood. Never passed on to DS. I have also had an outbreak of herpes thanks to a cheating and abusive ex. It is a horrible and I feel ashamed.

I have been single for many years and don't even attempt dating - one of the reasons being I couldn't face being made to feel 'dirty' (which I do)

Have name changed for this by the way

herpesnamechangeforthis · 05/01/2020 21:27

Snap anon. It's such a horrible feeling

Designerenvy · 05/01/2020 21:30

God, I'm married and I get them . Glad that wasnt one of my DH 's criteria when we got together !

EmmaC78 · 05/01/2020 21:54

It wouldn't bother me at all. I would expect to be told when someone was having an outbreak but aside from that I wouldn't care.

Medi19 · 05/01/2020 22:04

Yes, my DP gets them

SirChing · 05/01/2020 22:04

@PlomBear

people can be so unkind to teenagers!

Yes, and waiting staff. I am glad that you can handle them easily now.

Happiedays · 05/01/2020 22:05

This should clear up all the myths about hsv1 and hsv1... Hsv1 is associated with the lips and hsv2 with the genitals but you can get both on either location. herpes.org.uk/

Beansandcoffee · 05/01/2020 22:07

My mum use to get them. My ExH gets them. I’ve never got them and out kids don’t suffer either.

Cheeseboardcriminal · 05/01/2020 22:44

I have read the whole thread and will be honest.

Initially I would be put off is someone told me they have herpes, that is my knee jerk reaction, and if this person was someone I had been on one, maybe two dates with then I might walk away.

If I had gotten to know someone and felt invested with them and all other STD checks were clear I would be much more likely to do a bit of research and see how much of a risk it was to me.

The reason I would find it difficult is that once you have it then that's it, you have the virus for keeps, I wouldn't want to face the stigma and judgement evident on this thread or deal with outbreaks.

Sorry if that makes me a hypocrite, I suffer with coldaores on mouth, just trying to be honest.

So not necessarily a deal breaker for me but would depend how much I knew and liked the other person.

PenelopeFlintstone · 06/01/2020 01:18

Of course.