Would you date someone who had a coldsore in the past?

[Onewardsup]

YABU - no
YANBU - yes

Not talking an active one and a date right now, just someone that gets them, maybe just one coldsore (so Herpes), a year, 2 years, 5 years ago!

And yes I have another thread to those who have read it. Just wanting a poll, thanks.

Just read your update. Please stop posting on here as it’ll worsen your anxiety. You have been through something horrific. Focus on your mental health

My niece had terrible sores from her primary outbreak and it was hsv1. Different people will have different severity of symptoms

OP have you spoken to anyone about your anxiety about this? I know you’ve spoken to HCPs about the herpes virus but you’re worries about this are above and beyond what is reasonable. Have you seen a counsellor to talk through your feelings about your diagnosis? You’ve been through a lot and you can’t let your worries about this rule your life.

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who has never had one

Do you ask?

FWIW I have never had one and neither has dh. We are both 46y. 17y DD has never had one either.

As to whether I'd date someone who'd once had a coldsore - how would I even know unless they had one at that time?

Considering pretty much most of the population have herpes either genital or mouth , to say no is ridiculous.

Most folks have it and are completely unaware.

I need to not date and accept it for now.

You can date, get to know someone and then tell them if you trust them enough. take things slowly. Just don't have sex until you've told them.

Interesting CodenameVillanelle thank you. I actually get cold sores on my mouth but they’re just mildly annoying and last a couple of days. They’re not sore or angry. I get about one every 3 years.

*"coldsore on the lips” - don’t talk about it, totally dateable.
**
“Coldsore on the genitals” - must tell, basically a leper.

But no on can verbalise to me why.*

Because one is a lot more contagious than the other (I think genital heroes can be passed on even if you're not having an outbreak but I may be wrong!) and is generally only passed on through sexual contact. The assumption is that (barring exceptions like you OP) people who have genital herpes have led a more promiscuous life and had unprotected sex.

Also factor in how painful genital herpes are, people don't want to put themselves through that.

Cold sores are not on the same level, as plenty of posters have explained to you most people start with them in CHILDHOOD.

I think genital heroes can be passed on even if you're not having an outbreak but I may be wrong!

So can coldsores on the face, unfortunately.

Because one is a lot more contagious than the other (I think genital heroes can be passed on even if you're not having an outbreak but I may be wrong!)

Any type of herpes can

Cold sores are not on the same level, as plenty of posters have explained to you most people start with them in CHILDHOOD.

And that makes a difference why?

Cold sore on the face are also Herpes. They can also be passed on without an outbreak.

Cold sore = hsv1
Genital herpes = hsv2

how ridiculous.

I have had two coldsores in my life, ive still managed to find someone to marry me even though im clearly a leper.

Equally, to all the people saying they dont think theyve ever met someone who gets coldsores, do you ask them? Its not something I bring up in casual convo tbh

Frang

You do realise most people who get genital herpes don't know they have it, never have the initial painful outbreak , only a small % show symptoms

If you have sex there is a high change you have herpes, you just don't know it.

OP, unless its reoccurring and you have active sores there is absolutely no need to tell anyone, keep it to yourself if it bothers you and don't have sex if you have a active sore

Unless you partner is a virgin with no kind of sexual contact before them it's highly likely they have been exposed to it anyway . A bit like HPV in women.

Honestly don't fret over it , it's not a big deal.

Considering pretty much most of the population have herpes either genital or mouth , to say no is ridiculous.

We don’t actually know this statistic is true though, do we? People aren’t routinely tested.

Herpes simplex viruses are categorized into two types: herpes type 1 (HSV-1, or oral herpes) and herpes type 2 (HSV-2, or genital herpes). Most commonly, herpes type 1 causes sores around the mouth and lips (sometimes called fever blisters or cold sores). HSV-1 can cause genital herpes, but most cases of genital herpes are caused by herpes type 2. In HSV-2, the infected person may have sores around the genitals or rectum. Although HSV-2 sores may occur in other locations, these sores usually are found below the waist.

Cold sores wouldn't be a problem not attractive but stick on some cream, refrain from kissing etc, and deal with it. Most genital herpes is HSV-2 and while in the same herpes family it is quite different in the symptoms and treatment to relieve pain so not really comparable to cold sores. During an outbreak keeping the area clean, using ice pack for pain, pouring water over yourself while peeing to prevent the sting all makes it harder to manage day to day and very unpleasant.

For me I would avoid dating someone with it 99.9% of the time. It would need to be an already pretty strong attraction/chemistry to someone who I also felt was extremely trustworthy and responsible before I would consider putting myself at risk.

Sorry you are going through this OP, I agree with other posters, you should date and get to know someone for a longer period of time and only discuss if the relationship were to progress to sexual.

I get them at times of stress, along with migraines. In 6 yrs and 2 dc I've managed to not give one to any of my family as I recognise and treat them and keep my mouth to myself when they're active!

www.who.int/news-room/detail/28-10-2015-globally-an-estimated-two-thirds-of-the-population-under-50-are-infected-with-herpes-simplex-virus-type-1

The number of people getting hsv1 on the genitals is increasing though

We should just not kiss, ever!

Someone kissed me as a kid and I got my first when I was about 4 I think. I had them HORRENDOUSLY as a kid, my lips would split. I haven't had one in over 2 years currently.

I also kissed my newborn a lot just before I felt the first tingle so many have passed on the virus to him

Like I said.... just make kissing illegal. Problem solved.

I managed to avoid this until into my 40s then Dd came home from Nursery with one and low and behold now I get them too but not for a long time

I've suffered from cold sores from being a toddler ( HSV-1 ) and fortunately it's never put anyone off me, nor would it put me off them.
I've always been careful if one has occurred and fortunately, due to being careful I've never passed it on to my husband or kids.
People are very dramatic when it comes to bog standard cold sores.

So that link suggests that the WHO estimates that whilst 2/3 of the population (3.7 billion) might have Type 1 (oral) herpes virus but only 417million have the genital STD.

I've got one right now. Should I tell my husband to leave me. What a bizarre question

OP - you'll definitely be able to meet someone eventually who will be understanding and not see it as a big deal, rest assured of that. For now, just focus on your mental health and the rest will fall into place. Asking on here and getting all these "ewww" reactions from misinformed people won't help sadly.