New housemate

[NewYearsRevolution2020]

We are 4 people living in a 3 bed terrace. One of th edownstairs living rooms is used as a bedroom - the other living room is shared living space.

New hsemate has moved a lot of big furniture and her stuff into shared living room and 'designed' it so it has gone from a bare but spacious room with a sofa, bookcase and some bits and pieces to a very clutterd room with desk, wardrobe, paintings on wall, wall hangings, etc. The two bikes that are used in the house are also keot in there. We also use it hang our washing when it is drying.

The romm is no longer usable in any practical sense - it is too clutterd to realx in and some of the furniture is so cumbersome it just makes you want to close the door. I have been here a long time, she has been here 6 months and did this without saying anything to anyone. Other hsemates are new, dont have much stuff and havent said anything.

She has also done the same to the garden. I mentioned several times that I want to do veg. She planted flowers all over the borders, and in every single space in the harden and left me a narrow space about 3 inches wide to use.

In her defence she is enthusiastic and some of here stuff is nice but when I look in the drawers and cupboards in the living room (it's for us all!) it is full of her stuff. She has also taken a huge cupboard upstairs that is originally for everyone.

She is not easy to approach, has seemingly already got te other female housemate eating out of her hand. She is not here much but I just feel she has used the communal spaces as a dumping ground for her stuff at our expense.

I have a large room so keep everything up here but feel that I shouldn't have to keep my fixed exercise bike/printer. etc in my room if we have lost the living room to her stuff.

AIBU?

If it's any comfort (!) these people generally need drama and a target. Once you remove yourself as a target she'll find something else to stir the pot. It really isn't as personal as it seems.

Any more parcel malarkey - either via postie or neighbours, before you sign for it or take it, just explain politely, "I'm terrible sorry, I am not authorised to accept it on xxx's behalf". No need to get upset or shakeup become a professional fuckwit handler

Meant to add, if she gives you grief over it - "if you want me to accept your packages in future, I need that in writing". Then smile and walk away.

@Notwiththeseknees

I think the fact that she assumed I was answering the door to her post when in fact I wasn't in and had I been, wouldn't have known the post was for her anyway is the extraordinary part.

wasn't answering the door - sorry

Ask your landlord outright to let you out of your contract early and if she won't ask her can you sublet your room, if she allows that find a tenant to take your room. Ignore your housemates texts. If she approaches you I person just tell her to fuck off you are not dealing with her. If she has questions she can direct them to the landlord.
You are losing focus and letting her control you because you are becoming obsessive about the situation. You are 48 for fucks sake!

@Howyiz

I am! Hsemate says these things in kitchen/hallway and I have stood up for myself.

I think, actually, she is losing focus as she is not getting the response she needs hence her nitpicking is escalating.

I am trying not to let the situation control me and rush into taking any old room just to get out. I am not being pushed out of here.

No, you keep justifying yourself to her. Stop. You don't owe her any explanation!
Have you directly asked your landlady to let you out of your contract early? What did she say?

@Howyiz I get you. Yes, I am trying to be reasonable but yes, I see what you are saying.

I am just waiting to hear back from landlady and moving my stuff tomorrow into storage.

Just RTFT and the mind boggles! You're doing the best thing removing yourself from the situation, best of luck!

@ QueQueQue I am, I think as I don't think this is acceptable or rational behaviour and not sure how safe it is to be around it, tbh.

She does believe in angels, etc and I think her emotional state is quite fraught however I am usually kind towards people like that whilst keeping a healthy perspective - this is different, feels like a targeted aggressive attack that is very poised and vengeful?

@Asimovsfutureishere2020 who cares why she does it. Why try to 'understand' her motives? Stop feeding into the drama!
And before you say you aren't, you are!

Because I'm hurt, Howyiz. I brought most of my stuff to storage today and I just didn't want to come home. I 've been walking around and sitting in cafes trying to figure out what I can do to avoid anything like this happening again. I'm on my own here (which is why I posted on MN) even though its the city I grew up in and I'm desperately trying to figure out how I have got to this age and still haven't got it together in the city I was born in. I'm educated and hard working and I have gone out of my way to help and accommodate the people in this house and yet this morning two of them watched me struggle to put the boxes into a taxi.

I know the thing to focus on is that the guy who lives here did lift them downstairs and I get on fine with him but he also gets on fine with the others (perhaps better, I don't know) but I am just fed up feeling hated and I have no clue why.

So, no I don't like drama and I don't respond to it - I am trying to figure out how to avoid this and I don't really understand why you are responding to this thread.

@Asimovsfutureishere2020 please please don't blame yourself or allow yourself to get depressed and upset. Focus on how strong you are to have survived this toxic person, she sounds like a bully and a manipulator.

The next few months must feel daunting you've had a an awful experience but it will get better. Don't let this nut job spoil your life.

When are you moving? Use the time you have to really research options for accommodation for you. Do this for you. Be kind to yourself - you and your future are what matters most - not the nut -job and her dramas 💐

@mondaypolomint

Thank you, Monday. Technically the contract is up in 2 months although I think it is best to go asap - I just don't want to be rushed into making a decision I'd regret. I need to find somewhere else to go first.

In 5 years, there have been 10 people who have lived here. One guy had a problem with everyone, one guy was difficult about bills and then this woman. I am trying to keep my perspective on this.

I look after the internet and council tax for the house, I do a huge amount of the cleaning and I have never complained to anyone or asked them to change their ways for anything. It is the kind of old terraced London house that accumulates dust and as it is old, you never get a look of it being really clean. I had to reset the router the other day and the dust under the cupboard where difficult woman sad she hoovered is horrendous.

This is making me think that actually, They don't want a clean house - just a look of one iyswim. They complain about people not being environmentally friendly enough yet put washing machine on highest spin and longest wash for 2 or 3 pairs of socks, smoke in the house when it is a non smoking house, I could smell marijuana from a room last week, throw out scourers , etc once used once and have bought a load of plastic tat for kitchen and bathroom and thrown out all the other stuff. Its is as though they are trying to create an aesthetic yet this is a rundown old rental that we are in because it is cheap.

I can not believe that the other woman in this house is doing the cleaning of the difficult woman - she cleaned her shelf in the fridge which was fetid and did her share of the rota duties and yet complained to me that when I cleaned the fridge it wasn't done properly underneath one shelf.

Apologies if that all sounds a bit random - reading it back I've just realised how flipping crazy they are - I don't complain but it is though they want to see themselves as superior to me not equal. I hope it is not prejudice.

Tonight I cleaned the fridge (my turn). Got text

‘Hi everyone my food in the fridge was messed up by someone. If this was an action of micro aggression, I don’t tolerate such behavior. Talked to me in person or let it go.’

I cleaned that fridge spotless. Each shelf cleared of food and washes off in sink.

This was from the other woman in the house too! Not the really nasty one.

Don’t do anything for anyone else in the house anymore - no cleaning communal areas, taking bin out, taking in post/deliveries, tidying, putting new toilet rolls on holders - nothing. They certainly don’t appreciate it. Just do stuff to get your deposit back.

Keep your head down and move on to somewhere new.

@Ghostontoast

Thanks, Ghost. I woke up last night to that text and was just so stunned. Hopefully only here for two more weeks as seeing flats today.

Cheers for responding - I appreciate and will follow advice.

Hope flat viewing is successful

When you’ve sorted out a leaving date don’t forget post redirection (identity fraud), taking your name off council tax and internet bill etc. If they need to sort out new contracts/router then it’s for the lazy lumps to do!

they sound like utter bitches 🌺

I agree with others - just stop interacting with this person, and focus your energies on finding a new place to live asap - I'm sure with enough notice LL won't mind if you go a few weeks before the your contract is up, especially it sounds like the other housemates are willing to find the new tenant. By the by, it is correct that students don't have to pay council tax - if the house contains only students it is exempt, if it contains some working people and some students then council tax is calculated as if only the working people lived there.

@mauvais

Only if they are full time students. This house is £400 per room and it is two minutes from a train station, lovely and spacious.

They have such a bargain here, it is unreal and I was very clear when they came to visit that council tax was payable.

@BumbleBeee69

Yep.

Hi,

If anyone remembers this I have recently found out that housemate fraudently used my name on the broadband account. She left a month after I left the property.