New housemate

[NewYearsRevolution2020]

We are 4 people living in a 3 bed terrace. One of th edownstairs living rooms is used as a bedroom - the other living room is shared living space.

New hsemate has moved a lot of big furniture and her stuff into shared living room and 'designed' it so it has gone from a bare but spacious room with a sofa, bookcase and some bits and pieces to a very clutterd room with desk, wardrobe, paintings on wall, wall hangings, etc. The two bikes that are used in the house are also keot in there. We also use it hang our washing when it is drying.

The romm is no longer usable in any practical sense - it is too clutterd to realx in and some of the furniture is so cumbersome it just makes you want to close the door. I have been here a long time, she has been here 6 months and did this without saying anything to anyone. Other hsemates are new, dont have much stuff and havent said anything.

She has also done the same to the garden. I mentioned several times that I want to do veg. She planted flowers all over the borders, and in every single space in the harden and left me a narrow space about 3 inches wide to use.

In her defence she is enthusiastic and some of here stuff is nice but when I look in the drawers and cupboards in the living room (it's for us all!) it is full of her stuff. She has also taken a huge cupboard upstairs that is originally for everyone.

She is not easy to approach, has seemingly already got te other female housemate eating out of her hand. She is not here much but I just feel she has used the communal spaces as a dumping ground for her stuff at our expense.

I have a large room so keep everything up here but feel that I shouldn't have to keep my fixed exercise bike/printer. etc in my room if we have lost the living room to her stuff.

AIBU?

I think the way she has assumed my room is hers is telling. In the past, when someone moves out we have always left it out there for anyone to take fairly.

I mean, let anyone who wants I have a go and then if two people wanted it, toss a coin. I actually think the person who has been in the longest should have first say, which is her but would be nice to let others have a chance. (As longest in house wasn’t something others at time followed).

She is an ardent environmentalist and seems to have a visceral response to things. I am an environmentalist too. She complained that I bought some cleaner that wasn’t part of the set she wants the house to abuse- they were for my computer and I don’t normally buy them it was a one off but it seemed such a controlling thing to raise. I also turn the plug off at the switch which is why her kettle of water didn’t boil (my fault of course). These are housesharing niggles as was the comment from the other hsemate that I didn’t clean the underside of my fridge shel for sufficiently (whilst ignoring all the other stuff I did and not mentioning that the main woman has does no cleaning.

In my mind this is just nasty petty behaviour but I cannot understand where this venom comes from and why would someone sustain it? I understand if you have a bad day and lash out but this is sustained intimidation.

I stick to my room. I clean fine. I do more than my fair share. She moved a bag of mine that was behind the sofa and moved a wardrobe of her clothes plus baskets of shoes and boots into the living room - so my stuff out, hers in. Prior to her redesign some things were kept in there by all of us , usually tucked away.

I am sitting in a restaurant as I had to get out of the house. Today I got a text saying she was checking I am definitely moving out as I said I was as she needs to start hunting for new tenant and I need to sort it. I pointed out that if she was taking my room, it’s her room that needs to be shown to people and I am happy to advertise bu expect they want to meet the prospective tenants.

I am being so helpful yet I get constant defensive smarminess back.

Also contract is for another 3 months yet

Leave something unpleasant and smelly hidden in your room when you leave, tell her its an ambivalent angel spirit.

@Twisique !!!!!!!

Karmic angel

I couldn’t do that - that’s the thing. I ave thought over the last week that she is troubled. She feels like she is running on anxiety and she very nervous about people she cannot control. I can see that with the others so with general use messages I am very polite, friendly etc as is she and then I get these personal texts from her that leave me shocked.

Its not your job or responsibility to advertise her or your room, don't do any of that. How much notice are you required to give? Give it to the landlady not her.

Also, block her number, you don't need personal texts from her.

No idea what this was about-

Please try and be more considerate of noise. yesterday and today you’ve stormed past my room in the morning and up and down the stairs. You know how noise travels in the house please try and think of others.

Hey - have you started looking for your new place? I’d like to start interviewing for a new housemate soon!

Can’t you give me an update.

Received last two today time stamped at the same time.

She is acting as if she is in charge, she isn't. You're contact should be with the landlady and just the landlady.

I don’t stomp but she does know I am disabled and have problems with my leg plus house has wooden floors.

Please push some shrimps into the lining of the curtains in your room when you leave. Maybe a few down a floorboard or 2.
.

@Twisique. Yes, completely. She is a lady in need of a mansion and servants. That I think is the role she has in her head.

No problem with me as long as it stays there but she can’t take control of things. She blanks, gets things wrong and then lashes out at me when I have to sort it out.

Regarding the council tax when she moved in I was very clear that as a house we pay it. She then sent me Ann email from a fairly dubious source that as a student (which she wasn’t but was going to be soon!) she didn’t have to pay. I have explained until I am blue in the face that if you move into a house where someone is working then the house is liable for council tax. At the time all 4 including her were working p/t jobs. She started a part time course in Sept and then lost her temper shouting at me that she doesn’t have to pay as she is now a student and I explained part time don’t qualify and she is till in house of people working. She then started screaming that we are all paying for your council tax. She is working too!

I can’t believe people are this irrational and there is no redress here. Two of the guys in the past were bad and it was always over cleaning/council tax. The rules are clear.

Sorry to go on guys - I just had to get out of the house.

She is going through something I think. Problem is I would normally have infinite patience with people when I can sense they are emotionally troubled but at the moment I am exhausted and struggling myself. I feel with her and one of the guys in the past they resent me for not helping them but I am doing everything I can and actually the only thing that will satisfy them is a power thing, not an emotional thing. I think they believe they are superior.

I have told her that my room is noisy as she is noise sensitive (strangely irregular) and this room is incredibly noisy and cold I just don’t complain. It is also a mouse haven as it has an open fire place that you hear the wind down at night.

The worst noise however is from next door who have obviously converted the adjoining wall into an en-suite. From about 6 o clock onwards I hear the guy next door, who I can only say is not that healthy, as I hear retching, farting and dumping very clearly throughout the whole evening.

Actually, a bit worried about him. Retching noises are awful and go on for ages.

Its not long until you leave, try and dis-engage with her.

@Twisique

There are two events that coincide with people lashing out in this house. The first was when we moved to a joint tenancy - that really changed the atmosphere as I don’t think some people felt comfortable being tied to people they didn’t know.

The second sadly is Brexit - I have an eu passport - they don’t.

Could be wrong - happy to be.

I’d just start calling her out on all this... message back saying “haven’t decided if I’m moving out yet, my room is none of your business.” And maybe even “I can only assume that by “stomping” you’re referring to my disability. Perhaps you’re the one who needs to show greater consideration.” Etc.

I don’t expect the landlady will get involved, but it’s only another 3 months. Give your notice to the landlady and leave her and the rest of them to it, you don’t owe them anything. Just start standing up to her and get ready to move on from all the drama.

YANBU at all, but you are being passive! Why not just be straight about it. It's a room for everyone to share. It was empty and usable - now it's not. As a PP has suggested why not have a house chat - be straight, say how the room was kept and used in the past - as a shared space and guest room for all tenants. It is a shame it has become a storage room. What would they prefer? Be upfront about you operation and need to sleep downstairs for a short period. Really OP what have you got to lose by being assertive? Most people in the house will benefit. If you think it would be more effective talk to the land lady. But you need to do something.

Why on Earth are you accepting messages from her about anything? Block her and ignore all her messages left for you. Engaging is encouraging her.

These have been my responses:

To the text about noise On the stairs

That’s unnecessary, xxxxx and you know it. I don’t storm anywhere - certainly not with a bad leg. I was woken up in the night by whoever came in and was making noise - I don’t know who it was but would never send a message out like yours. Perhaps the consideration should come from you?

To the request about moving t. I don’t storm anywhere - certainly not with a bad leg. I was woken up in the night by whoever came in and was making noise - I don’t know who it was but would never send a message out like yours. Perhaps the consideration should come from you?

To the request about moving out -

t. I don’t storm anywhere - certainly not with a bad leg. I was woken up in the night by whoever came in and was making noise - I don’t know who it was but would never send a message out like yours. Perhaps the consideration should come from you?

To the request about moving Out -

We have 3 months left so no, not yet. Think it is a good idea we put these messages and everything to do with the house in the main house group in case someone here wants to take my room.

I am happy to give updates when I have them!

I thought they were assertive, not passive?

Sorry , something has repeated there. Think you can get the gist?

I have tentatively raised issues with the others and they are not interested. The guy is possibly moving out - not sure.

Other woman is also an artist and seems to get on with her.

I am nervous with confrontation but don’t let that stop me if I have something to say. I just think reason is not a language she hears.

Oh no I’ve driven you all away

Would it be worth asking the landlady if she will release you from your contract earlier, if need be? Tell her the reason why (communal space unworkable as a space to relax now the she-devil has commandeered the available space, etc).

Also maybe let the landlady have a heads-up that the she-devil seems to be assuming she will decide who the next sharer will be. If she says you can give notice earlier then you can ramp up the search for a new place to live. (I'm not sure how good, reasonable or viable the above suggestions are.)