New housemate

[NewYearsRevolution2020]

We are 4 people living in a 3 bed terrace. One of th edownstairs living rooms is used as a bedroom - the other living room is shared living space.

New hsemate has moved a lot of big furniture and her stuff into shared living room and 'designed' it so it has gone from a bare but spacious room with a sofa, bookcase and some bits and pieces to a very clutterd room with desk, wardrobe, paintings on wall, wall hangings, etc. The two bikes that are used in the house are also keot in there. We also use it hang our washing when it is drying.

The romm is no longer usable in any practical sense - it is too clutterd to realx in and some of the furniture is so cumbersome it just makes you want to close the door. I have been here a long time, she has been here 6 months and did this without saying anything to anyone. Other hsemates are new, dont have much stuff and havent said anything.

She has also done the same to the garden. I mentioned several times that I want to do veg. She planted flowers all over the borders, and in every single space in the harden and left me a narrow space about 3 inches wide to use.

In her defence she is enthusiastic and some of here stuff is nice but when I look in the drawers and cupboards in the living room (it's for us all!) it is full of her stuff. She has also taken a huge cupboard upstairs that is originally for everyone.

She is not easy to approach, has seemingly already got te other female housemate eating out of her hand. She is not here much but I just feel she has used the communal spaces as a dumping ground for her stuff at our expense.

I have a large room so keep everything up here but feel that I shouldn't have to keep my fixed exercise bike/printer. etc in my room if we have lost the living room to her stuff.

AIBU?

@Hefzi I have come to the conclusion that talking reasonably only works when you are dealing with reasonable, mature people. I am, by nature, mostly unbothered by most things and just want a quiet life! But I can recognise someone with no boundaries and my concern is that these things can easily get bigger if not kept in check.

This houseshare has been difficult and at every stage I have checked in with myself and questioned whether I am being reasonable or not. Truthfully, in most of the circumstances, it has been nothing to do with anything I have done just a clash of very different kinds of people.

This is meant to be a professional/semi professional house share. We are all postgrads but some have come from more communal style initiatives in Holland/Germany - one even wrote a house 'manifesto'! ( which he couldnt keep to himself).

That's pretty unusable, but to be fair I'd say that's more down to it being a small space which is being used to store two bikes and dry two racks of laundry! And that's not down to the housemate in question. I'd give up and accept that it's just a multipurpose storage unit, bike shed and laundry room, and retreat into your own room!

Oh my god. That room would do my head in. Tell her to move her stuff.

@Verily1 yes, that's the plan. And part of me thinks the same - don't waste any emotional energy on trying to change this. I genuinely wanted to know whether I was being fair or not in complaining as I seem to have lost confidence over these things due, in no small part in dealing with some uncompromising people and the fact that I think it is probably best to stay put until I have the surgery (as my bedroom is large, clean, dry, etc).

You could ask the landlady if she gave permission for all the stuff? And ask her to swing by and decide if it’s acceptable or not?

@FiddlesticksAkimbo yes, but the wardrobe with books on top, the table and chair at the back, the black trunk on the floor and everything in the alcove on the right is hers.

So, just keep it as storage I think is the best and I will put my printer and bike in there, too.

The thing is this house was so beautifully clear and had a feeling of space that is rare to get in a terrace. The architect llady employed did some things (extended kitchen/added skylight) so it is actually really lovely and had a great feeling of openness. That is why I have stayed here. I hate clutter and chintz. (and twigs in vases/driftwood on shelves)

Cant you use the greenhouse/sort out an area in the garden for bikes?

Everyone can dry their own laundry in their rooms

The wardrobe has got to either be moved to irritating flatmate's room or be removed from the house.

Then the room can be usable again.

Might be mentioning that that level of clutter is a fire risk and may impede escape from the house if a fire were to start

TBF OP, she's put her stuff in corners etc. The black chest is where a coffee table might be.

I thinks its the bikes and laundry thats causing the problem. I think a more sensible route would be to ask people to dry their clothes in their rooms as theres now no space for drying racks because of all the extra furniture thats been moved in there. I think thats fair and she might get the hint then.

Also if you have a large bedroom why not move your books to your own room and lead by example?

If you make it a case of everyone needs to keep their belongings in their own spaces then it becomes less focused on just one person (and therefore more reasonable)

@AmberDino yes, my first concern particularly as it is the room with the broadband router but also on the other side (which you can't see in the picture) she has put a lamp. the plug for the lamp is behind a heavy bookcase. i would rather this wasn't left plugged in when unused so over Christmas when I thought the house would be empty, I unplugged it. she has put some delicate glass thingy on a shelf that rest on top so of course the whole thing fell down smashing one of the glass thingies. This is what I was dreading - it becomes impractical and then i end up breaking things by accident.

I do feel very uncomfortable at things like that being left unplugged (especially in an overcrowded room).

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

She moved the stuff that was there (a smaller bookcase and coffee table out - think they are in the loft) to move her stuff in and rearranged it so that they are in the corners.

Most of my stuff is in my room - some books are down there but nothing like the amount she has.

There is only one thing you can do with people like this, kill them. The 2nd option is to go ballistic, ask her who the fuck she thinks she is, get her damned flowers out of your vegetable patch and put all her clutter and shit in her own room.
Option 2 is surprisingly effective if you shout loud enough.

@madcatladyforever !!!!! It 's a plan...

this is fascistic, she is marching into territory and annexing it by occupying it with her junk. taking control by fait a compli.
ditto the garden. no consultation. regards herself as in charge.
behaving as if she owns the place. could be narcissistic. v difficult to deal with.
I don't agree with the drying laundry, for health reasons better to keep it out of bedrooms, can cause damp, spores can be inhaled.

Well clear your room OP and store your exercise bike in the now designated storage room and turn your own room into more a sanctuary for yourself.
It doesn't look like she has arranged that room at all except to store her stuff. It looks a tip tbh...and if her stuff gets broken then it's tough luck on her leaving it there.
So take a leaf out of her book and do the same and don't even engage with the woman.
Don't bother with the garden just enjoy all her hard work when she's finished faffing.
Step back and just leave them all to it and don't give it anymore headspace.

@MsPepperPotts wise words. I have so much stuff to get on with my own life atm.

I think I will do this: when we have the house meeting suggest we either decide if it is to be a storage room or living space. If living space, then bikes go in the garden, laundry in kitchen - come spring it will be out doors anyway. If storage space, I'll move my stuff down there (bike/printer,etc).

Keep it all neutral and about practicalities.

And keep saving for that deposit.....

@alexdgr8

I agree

Also @MiddleClassProblem upthread said 'have sex on the desk' (have just seen it)

I will call that Plan B...

Ah this must be so annoying for you! I house shared in a cramped Victorian terrace with 3 others and can imagine how you’re feeling.

It’s hard with the bikes as it depends on the access you have. There are some metal loops you can affix to the pavement and lock your bike to that - might work for the cyclists to keep bikes outside. Alternatively some councils in London have on street bike storage.

For the laundry, think about investing in a heated clothes airer. Best thing I ever did. You can take it with you when you move but it could be communal for now?

For the garden stuff, depends when you were going to get around to planting veg. I’d be pleased I had a housemate who was that into gardening!

I think approach the house meeting from a “do we all want a space to socialise?” point of view.

@Ciunasbotharcailinbainne

That's a very good way to frame it.

QVC UK has a Lakeland heated drying rack and cover for £144 today. Or three payments and zero interest. Try for 30 days. If you don’t like send back for the cost of your postage.

@Elieza Thank you - I will look into it.

Thank you all for your advice - much appreciated !

Just wondering if insurance might come into this is any way. Either the Landlords or individuals property insurance. Might be another angle to come from?