Have you ever had negative comments for dressing well going to work?

[Shedidnt]

I suppose they were not negative in my case but I don't have much confidence really, so I think women (in both cases) wouldn't know that.

I dress well going to work. Pencil skirts or dresses. On two occasions how I dress has been commented on (and not complimentary).

First one was a girl who said 'you look like you're dressed up to go out - I wouldn't get dressed up to come into this place'. I felt like an eejit for trying too hard.

Second one were two female colleagues talking among themselves and one saying 'oh well, she's always overdressed'.

I like to dress well as it gives me confidence. But I feel women particularly hated me for it. The women I befriended never commented apart from maybe to say, that's a nice top - where did you get it (usually primark), but it has left me feeling self conscious about what I wear in case I look like a try-hard or something?

Please tell me some of you dress up to go to work?

Another factor might be an ex (who used to beat me up) told me I was dressing up for the men at work and in fact some of the beatings I took were to make my face bruised so that I couldn't go to work.

The photos look great. Enjoy.

Thanks all for the lovely compliments. I feel embarrassed now.

I took those photos for a dating website, I wouldn't normally be posing!

Are you the only person wearing high heels and pencil dresses at your career level in your work place? If so I’d re-think your outfits for work. It’s not about jealousy, but dressing to reflect your job role and status within the company. And about dressing in a way that fits in with your team.

In my line of work, only senior management wear ‘corporate’ dress eg tailored fitted dresses with heels, pencil skirts and blazers, suits with heels. The rest of us dress down a bit. When I started the job I wore business dress like you and got funny looks (the dress code stated business casual and I was used to a team who took that seriously). Within weeks I ditched the heels and pencil dresses for tunics and leggings, flats, long cardigans over jersey dresses with opaque tights and ankle boots. I was more comfortable AND I fitted in.

Of course nobody can stop you wearing the clothes you love, but it seems those comments have rattled you or you wouldn’t be questioning your outfits.

If you’re using work to show off your figure or trying to dress like higher management, I don’t think that’s wise. Work isn’t a place for looking sexy. It will put your colleagues backs up or make them think you’re showing off.

You can still express your individuality and love of fashion without setting yourself apart from your team.

I wear make up to work, have my nails manicured, blow dry my hair, and spend quite a bit on well fitting clothes that suit me yet allow me to fit in with my colleagues. I love experimenting with textures, colours, shapes and accessories. A lot of my cardigans are cashmere or merino wool. I have some designer dresses (secondhand) that I love pairing with trainers and colourful tights! Some days I wear black jeggings with a big snuggly jumper.

I would re think your priorities. Do you want to look sexy? Approachable? Stand out? Part of your team? Comfortable?

Maybe keep the heels and tight tailored dresses for weekends and tone it down for work.

One of my old colleagues used to dress sexily all the time, she was in her 50s and had a great figure, but it seemed totally inappropriate for the job. She wore tight bodycon dresses, stilettos and blazers and people used to giggle behind her back (not kind but she stood out like a sore thumb!)

Most of the women in my office dress like you OP. It's smart, practical (unless you can't wear high heels like me) and professional looking.

The examples of comments you've posted don't strike me as negative, but given what you went through with your ex I can see why you might read them that way.

People will always comment on your appearance if you stand out, mostly because it's an easy conversation to start, not necessarily to be negative. And a lot of the "I couldn't dress like you" or "that's too much effort for me" comments will be people either just making conversation or justifying why they don't dress like you do. I know I do it - in fact have done it in this post with the comment about high heels.

I wouldn't take it personally honestly. As long as you are happy with what you are wearing and it's appropriate them who cares what anyone else thinks.

@OneStepSideways

I don't want to fit in with casual clothing. I want to wear what I feel good in. Thanks for the essay though.

I'm a PA, so am expected to be reflective of my bosses position. I am frequently greeting clients on his behalf, so I have to look professional.

The outfits you posted look stunning, but unless you work in a very corporate job where all the women dress like that, I’d ditch the heels and bare legs as it looks like you’re showing off (you have beautiful toned legs but work isn’t really the place to flaunt them!)

The same outfits would look great with tights and flats IMO. And a cropped cardigan (or longline cardigan) instead of the jacket would make the first outfit look much softer and less higher management.

If you’re using work to show off your figure or trying to dress like higher management

I'm not sure why you would think I was trying to show off my figure

I'm not dressing like higher management - I'm dressing appropriate to my role.

I am wearing tights in both of those pics

Lovely photos. Keep it up.
In some sectors how you dress does have an impact. In law if you have meetings with clients (I am a lawyer) you tend to need to look what they would expect a lawyer to look like - jacket etc.

I work at home now so the jacket only needs to go on if I am seeing a client.

If I was a male PA, what would you expect me to wear?

My workplace is weird. I'm the only female and some days (like today) I'm in an oversized jumper and jeans. Other days I'm in a pencil skirt and blouse. I dress for how I feel each day. Today im tired and want to be cozy, other days I'm feeling super driven and want to take on the world. The chaps I work with all vary from hoodies and jeans to shirts and trews, but even the shirts and trews squad often have little rips in the cuff or unironed.

We work in IT.

I always make an effort for work. I tend to wear skirt suits, pencil skirts or tailored dresses most days, almost always with hosiery, and I’ve never had any negative comments personally although two issues come to mind:

1. When I first started my current job, there was a lady who worked here. She’s now sadly passed away but she also did some part time modelling. She had amazing, long legs and often wore different types of patterned hosiery. On my second day, she walked past the bank of desks I was working at. She had quite a short skirt on and nude stockings with a black back seam. The two ladies opposite me looked at each other, raised their eyebrows and tutted. I resolved never to wear seamed stockings in the office after this, even though I love the way they look and my hem lengths would never be as short as hers sometimes were.

1. I was at the coffee machine getting a drink when a lady behind me, who I knew a little but not well, asked if I was wearing stockings. It turned out I’d underestimated how thick/tight my skirt was and she could make out the bumps from my suspender belt. She didn’t say anything negative but did comment that she didn’t know how I could wear ‘things like that’ to work.

🙄

@StreetwiseHercules are you male?

Sorry, but no way does “dress code” form part of any employee appraisal for a remotely professional business. Not since the 1950s anyway.

I have had this too op. I work in a very professional environment where you have to look smart and I always make an effort to look smart. I love clothes and fashion though but am definitely a classic dresser rather than dressing very young for my age (I'm 46). I once worked with a woman who commented every single day on my clothes. At first I thought she was being nice but after a while it got really boring and draining and the comments were getting more and more annoying. She'd say things like "another new top" ....god how many clothes have you got?"
...look so and so (another colleague) have you seen tan, another new dress/top, so many clothes that one" etc etc etc. Every bastard day.

It wasn't until other colleagues pointed out they felt uncomfortable when she said it that I lost it one day and just told her to fuck off in the nicest possible way. This was after a very long time I might add!

That looks fine to me for a smart dress code office role. Similar to what a lot of our junior staff wear.

People do comment on what people wear and not just the women. A dear friend of mine has quite individual style which can be perceived as a bit tight and ott for the place we work but whilst her style ethic is not mine, it's hers and doesn't detract from her abilities. It's the male bosses who comment both directly and indirectly to her.

I always look scruffy even when I try to look smart so sometimes it's not why you wear it's how you are. I remember a school friend of mine who always looked immaculate even if, in the way of teens, 4 of us had pretty much the same outfit. I'd look like the mess, she'd look like a prim princess and the others would look average. She got a lot of stick from the bitchy mean girl crowd whereas I didn't at all.

We have someone in our office who is the master of the sly backhanded compliment. Even though she doesn't actually say anything nasty we all know and tense up around her as she's so critical behind people's backs. I just take her with a pinch of salt and avoid anything other than light office chat now.

I can 100% vouch for dress code being on my appraisal.

Sorry, I didn't actually make a point in my post.
OP I don't think there is anything wrong with dressing up (or down) as long as your outfit is appropriate. In my old workplace we couldn't have open toe shoes or slingbacks or heels above 3 inches for H&S reasons so me wearing one of those would be inappropriate. Dressing to feel good is one of the joys we have nowadays. It doesn't cost the earth to make an effort but you absolutely don't have to. It's completely individual.

Yes, but is there a dress code regulation?

I'm not dressing like higher management - I'm dressing appropriate to my role

So why are your colleagues making overdressed comments that upset you? How do the other PAs dress? How do the female bosses dress?

I couldn’t tell you were wearing tights. If you want to wear the same pencil skirts and tailored dresses but look less overdressed, you could always wear opaque black or coloured tights instead of ones that look barely there, with a lower heel or flat shoes. Then change back to heels and skin colour tights after work if you have a date.

Lovely, with your figure you could be dressed in a potato sack and still stand out. You’ve got absolutely killer legs, you’re one of ‘those’ people 😂.

Cardigans, guys, seriously?!!!

OP, are you quite young? Red shoes are fun, but what you want to project is subtle elegance. Look up Chie Mihara, she makes beautiful quirky shoes that you can walk in. The rule of thumb is one striking element in your outfit and you nailed it in the second photo with that asymmetric hem. It didn’t need silver shoes, black would have been perfectly appropriate. :)

It forms part of our contract, so yes, we are expected and contracted to conform to it. As I said - think engineers going out on site a lot. Perhaps they had issues with them dressing down too much so introduced it. I very much doubt it was introduced for office based staff.

How do male PAs dress? In my workplace they wear skinny jeans, trainers and shirts!

OneStepSideways, I'd rather die than wear coloured tights ffs. Have you no taste?

I couldn’t tell you were wearing tights.

That's the genius of it

Trainers are not allowed in my workplace.