To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

Really? The drug trade is just tickety-boo is it? Just a deeply ethical industry waiting for legalisation. This isn't a bit of weed grown by a hippy behind the barn ffs.
I was actually referring to the fact that although alcohol is legal... that is not morally right to be getting smashed and heavily drinking with kids around..

I'm not undermining the drug trade.
But how many of you buy clothes from companies that have been notorious for sweat shops?
All responsible sourced, vegan, free range, straight edge MN users yes?

Sometimes I think I must be the only person in the world who has NOT taken any illegal drugs (or been offered any, come to that).
Actually, I am not even sure I would know where to find any if I wanted them!!
I dont think I have been to those sort of gatherings, or if so, I really have not noticed it at all.
(I don't smoke, but do have the occassional glass of alcohol)

Not just you, milveycrohn! I drink fairly moderately but regularly, but that's all. I do think there's a case for root and branch evidence-based review of the law around mind-altering substances of all kinds, but while things are as they are, cocaine is illegal and surely nobody can be unaware of the crime and violence linked to the production overseas and the distribution here via county lines, often ruining the lives of children and teenagers who get sucked into it.

What's the matter with those of you would do this to those kids? Do you just compartmentalise and think 'Well, not my kids' and get on with it? Shameful.

I’d have left too. It’s immoral and definitely irresponsible parenting.

Sorry for misinterpreting you Trying.

I would report every single one of them, and it is very common unfortunately.

I had a period of time in my early 20s where I took coke regularly and it turned me into a selfish bastard who made awful decisions. Absolutely no way would I touch the stuff again now especially now that I'm a mother. I would steer clear of anyone using it, using it around kids is unacceptable, it's illegal for a reason.

@pallisers
No problem!

I'm not trying to say taking Coke in front of children is any kind of responsible action.. but all was fine and dandy with OP whilst she knew it was just heavy drinking. It only changed when the word Coke was mentioned.
To me.. drinking in this situation holds it's own moral irresponsibility. Different to drugs. Yes. But still not responsible in anyway

This is absolute bullshit

Why?

What are the chances that this man has had a long association with these friends -who are such frequent users they have to use even when their children are around and will presumably drinking and driving afterwards too - and never dabbled or accepted any offers in the past himself?

Then there's the casual assumption that his new girlfriend will be totally a ok with being offered. Not something you do unless you think your friend has no qualms, so why would she?

The behaviour suggests he has been happy to partake in the past.

And yes she is doomed if their morals are incompatible.

You sound a bit narrow minded and boring.

Hey, you can go party with your like minded friends at Wormwood Scrubs!

I don't agree with cocaine use, but more for reasons of social responsibility and general health.

I may have tried it in the past and I would have thought it no worse than looking after kids while drunk (obviously as long as there is no chance of them getting hold of it)

@pallisers I only disagree with your comment of

OP, I doubt very much that your dp has given up drugs. Maybe he has but chances are he is still a user occasionally - just not with you

But that's only based on my own personal experience.

What are the chances that this man has had a long association with these friends -who are such frequent users they have to use even when their children are around and will presumably drinking and driving afterwards too - and never dabbled or accepted any offers in the past himself?*

He admits he has previously.
So yes he has dabbled. And admitted it.

I have long friendships. With those that partake.
I have partaken a number of years ago.
I am still friends with them
They still partake. I have been around them at the time. I have been offered. I have declined. I no longer partake.

It's as simple as that.
It's not impossible for him to not take drugs or be tempted.

You sound a bit narrow minded and boring.

And you sound like a twat.

There's nothing, fun edgy or cool about snorting cocaine up your nose on a night out. It makes people act like complete and utter dicks, it can also cause heart attacks and strokes. Imagine if one of these knobheads children found them dead because they'd had a bad reaction to it?

I attended a wedding a few years ago where many of the guests were openly snorting cocaine in the toilets, not even attempting to hide it. The atmopshere was utterly horrible, and I've been to a few weddings where people have got very pissed and had bust ups. This was something else entirely though.

It felt very, very umcomfortable and many of us left early because it. There were children in attendance as well.

Thing is with cocaine it can be cut with ANYTHING. If they're all taking the same batch then that could render them totally unable to take care of children.

Also, even the 'nicest' drug dealers can be fairly nasty in my experience, I wouldn't want them near my house with my kids in!

It's totally different to alcohol is these 2 regards because 1 I know what's in my wine and 2 I dont have to buy it from criminal

Do both parents drink loads when out (or in) when responsible for children? Surely thats neglect?

But I think there is a huge difference between a glass of wine and repeatly taken cocaine.

Yes, I am that judgy parent who will make a comment if you have more than a glass of wine when in charge of kids. I do think it's awful, especially at a social gatherings where there are no parents looking after the safety of there kids and just use games as a distraction for your habit!!

What if a child took sick or a child serious hurt themselves and needed medical help?

There's nothing, fun edgy or cool about snorting cocaine up your nose on a night out. It makes people act like complete and utter dicks, it can also cause heart attacks and strokes.

And you end up with a nose like Danniella Westbrook. Jesus, that should be enough to put anyone off!!

I’d be shocked if I went to a party and people were just casually doing class A illegal drugs especially if there were children present.
I too would have left any wouldn’t have anything to do with any of them again.
I would also keeping a eye on my DP he obviously doesn’t think it’s a big deal.

I wouldn't be spending any time with them in future, YANBU.

It's totally different to alcohol is these 2 regards because 1 I know what's in my wine and 2 I dont have to buy it from criminal

I think you're scraping around to avoid the main complaint, which is that even your single malt from Waitrose sourced ethically, bought from as nice middle-class lady at the till and containing nothing but the purest ethanol renders you incapable of minding children, just as it renders you incapable of driving.

And you end up with a nose like Danniella Westbrook. Jesus, that should be enough to put anyone off!!

As opposed to a liver like George Best.

Is it because the nose is visible that it's worse..?

I’m amazed nearly 20% of MNers think you’re being unreasonable!

As well as the whole thing about taking care of children when affected by illegal Class A drugs what about the effects of all the drug gangs, etc on kids in countries where cocaine comes from? I don’t think you can ignore the origin of illegal drugs and the impact on those countries.

• There's nothing, fun edgy or cool about snorting cocaine up your nose on a night out. It makes people act like complete and utter dicks, it can also cause heart attacks and strokes

This. One of my cousins died in his late 20s from snorting cocaine at a party. I was only a kid, so no idea how much of a regular user he was but he was young, fit, held a decent job down and dropped down dead one night.

I probably am “boring” I only drink about twice a year🤷‍♀️ Guess I don’t need alcohol or drugs to enjoy myself.

It’s absolutely rife amongst people with a bit of money around here. DH and I feel strongly about drugs as do our immediate circle of six to eight friends but its definitely happening at most parties we go to. I can’t remember it being the same 15 years or so ago but maybe I was a bit more sheltered then! I 100% won’t have the children around it, if we socialise with the children it’s a glass of wine in a restaurant maybe two at most and one of us driving but I think it’s more common than we realise.

‘You’re boring’, the refrain of people acting billy big baws.