To think that this is incredibly irresponsible parenting?

[Dailydup]

DP is part of a large friend group, mostly made up of middle class professional couples all in their 30s who have young children and all socialise together regularly. DP and I were invited along to a New Year’s Eve party at one of the friend’s houses. It was made clear that all of the children were welcome and the host had got lots of party things in for the kids to enjoy whilst there. DP and I have no DC, but the majority of the other friends all brought their children along to play together.

Whilst there, I was shocked when one of DP’s friends called me in to the bathroom and casually offered me some cocaine. I’d been oblivious to the fact that they’d been regularly sneaking in to the bathroom to do this throughout the night and that DP and I were actually the only two not partaking in the drug taking. Once I became aware of what was going on I felt extremely uncomfortable being there and asked DP if we could go home, meaning we left before midnight. I should point out that DP and I have been together just over a year, so I don’t know his friend group particularly well but would never have suspected them of this. The majority of them are highly successful, well educated and appear on the outside to be doting parents.

When we left I told DP how shocked and disgusted I was that they had been taking drugs in the presence of and whilst responsible for caring for their young children. DP seemed v blasé and said that they do it regularly at social gatherings and always ensure its done away from the DC (i.e. by sneaking in to the toilet ) so doesn’t see the problem. AIBU in thinking that this is utterly irresponsible parenting and possibly even a matter for social services to investigate?

What do posters think of legalising cocaine to remove the criminal element of it?

I think, it is still an illegal drug, it has a vile trade with terror, misery and exploitation of men, women and children throughout the supply chain, it is also a massive health risk, so it is an irrelevant question to the thread subject of illegal drug use.

Jesus Christ. Is this even up for discussion, OP?
Run!

Remember this is MN so this is the middle class typical response. I think for me what I cannot stand with the idea of this more so than anything is, it only takes a pissed up coked up idiot to leave a few lines somewhere in a bathroom and a curious child to ingest those lines and then there's a child dead. Whereas atleast with alcohol one quick sip when a parents back is turned is not going to kill a child and it tends to be more supervised because alcohol is usually kept in the kitchen on counters or directly in front of people. To me it feels dirty for some scumbag people to be off their faces in front of their children and honestly I can say I've seen the effect on people and it tends to make them loud and agressive.

Honestly the response would have been so much more outraged if you had told us this family were on universal credit and threw a party in their council flat with there children there. The hypocrisy of this site is ridiculous. Anyway I would be avoiding these scumbags from now on. God help their children because children are alot more perceptive than you think. There is a time and a place to get off ya face and it's not with your little cherubs around.

I was at a party on the 21st, no kids were at it. And.found a bag of coke on the floor in the kitchen that had fallen out someones pocket. Imagine that happened with little kids running round 😱 they would presume it was sherbet I imagine!

Id have left too op. Can’t stand drug taking and people who think it’s all a bit of a laugh.
Didn’t the police recently say that the rise in stabbing at the moment, is linked directly to cocaine use, and all those middle class users need to realise they are contributing to these deaths.

Is anyone else playing 'spot the cokehead' whilst reading the thread?

There is is something very grubby about cocaine use IMO. I'd probably turn a blind eye to it in younger, single, childless care free types, but I very harshly judge parents who do it. Doing it when the kids are actually present is a whole new level of low though. Utter scum!

I often wonder if users realise how pathetic they come across when coked up to the eyeballs?

Saddos who can't even go one evening without doing cocaine whilst children are under their care. Fucking pathetic.

This would really upset me and put me off spending time with those people, but I do think it's really common - in fact, enough so that social services don't usually investigate if the "only" complaint is drug use - the parents have to be actually abusing/neglecting the children as well for there to be a concern. I don't think this is out of a live and let live policy (though it may be out of a do no harm policy) - the main issue seems to be that if they investigated every parent who ever took drugs they wouldn't have time for any more serious allegations.

It is grim and I’m amazed there are people on here pretending it is ok. I’m very much in the demographic mentioned and I have never seen it. I did go to one hen night where the hen’s other friendship group were all taking drugs which made me very uncomfortable. I imagine they would do the same now they have children. If you asked one of them, they would say it’s just the same as drinking etc like people on here. There’s clearly a bubble where people think it’s ok because their friend does it too. It’s really not that hard not to take drugs when in charge of your children.

YANBU at all. I don't know anyone who takes cocaine and I wouldn't hang around people that do. It is irresponsible parenting to do it with kids around.

I think you should have phoned the police to let them know what was going on. But I'm not sure what they would have done.

What this issue always brings home to me is how very localised behaviour is across social circles, and how normalised things can be in those circles. And of course anyone who does something arguably dodgy will insist that "everyone does it".

Fwiw I'm a MC London professional with kids, DH ditto, friends ditto ditto. I've never done coke, never been offered coke, never been to a party with kids where there was coke. Nor has DH. I think it's fucking grim and I'd absolutely end a friendship if I found someone was doing coke in front of their/my kids. On top of the blood on users' hands from the supply chain and the fact that cokeheads and drunks tie for thinking they're brilliant and hilarious while actually being boring and irritating, it must be quite frightening for the children. Mine are very sensitive and would absolutely notice it if I were acting oddly. And no, I don't get drunk in front of them or even when they're in bed, if I'm responsible for them. I would have two drinks at a family party, or so.

OP, to your specific dilemma. I would not go to any more of their parties, and I would consider how you feel about the fairly high probability that your new DP does coke at least occasionally.

i would (and do) judge people I know who use it especially as they are also the ones to try "Veganuary" or only buy organic!

I know a couple of these and there is little I get this worked up about but I do about such god awful hypocrites.

Needless to say one of the two is a would be Instagram influencer who bangs on about knitting with “gently sourced” alpaca wool (because picking it out of hedges vs shearing a fucking llama is so important as long as you look away from propping up the destruction of young lives at home and abroad because you want to get off your tits at Bestival whilst dressed as a fucking unicorn)

Both parties both have two under 5s - but no more kids for them yeah as they really care about the planet, yah?

Actually hate these types.

And sorry to say it OP but your DP will be a user too. If it’s such a normal thing and these folk are his circle you’re doomed.

Only scum do drugs in a situation like this. I don't agree with being drunk around children either, druggies and drunks can be unpredictable and frightening for children (and other people). Do all you coke heads know what a mess you look like on that shite with your jaw swinging off its hinges? Grim as fuck. Of course I'm judging this shit and if that makes me boring then so be it, I'd rather be 'boring' and a good parent than an exciting person and a druggy or a piss head.

Got no time for drug users at all, especially those who do it when kids are present. I couldn’t be friends with them.

Wow I’m certainly no angel and have definitely experimented previously but at a party with children no way.

It would be way to easy for a child to end up hurt or ill - just wouldn’t be worth it. Surely when you become a parent part of that process is growing up a bit and thinking about your child.

If parents still want to party surely they can get a babysitter and go to a club or festival. I’d be horrified at this around my little one.

but I do think it's really common

Me too. I'm surprised OP was surprised.

And sorry to say it OP but your DP will be a user too. If it’s such a normal thing and these folk are his circle you’re doomed

This is absolute bullshit

...social services don't usually investigate if the "only" complaint is drug use - the parents have to be actually abusing/neglecting the children as well for there to be a concern. I don't think this is out of a live and let live policy (though it may be out of a do no harm policy) - the main issue seems to be that if they investigated every parent who ever took drugs they wouldn't have time for any more serious allegations.

I presume also because from a child-safety perspective it is very hard for social services to justify taking action against cocaine users and not against drinkers. And that would expose a whole different level of hypocrisy!

It is amazing how the same people who condemn anyone who shops at Primark for contributing to exploitation, are happy to go along with funding the even more horrible consequences of the drug trade.

I'd have been out of there as soon as I saw that too and made it clear I wouldn't be around any of them again. I'm not an uptight old sod either, but I would want nothing to do with that.

And sorry to say it OP but your DP will be a user too. If it’s such a normal thing and these folk are his circle you’re doomed

I would actually agree with this purely on the basis that he didn’t warn you about it beforehand. When I was in circles where this behaviour was rife, I would always warn anyone I was bringing to an event/party beforehand. A- So they weren’t taken by surprise B- To establish that I didn’t do it and didn’t think it was normal.

I would think it odd that he didn’t warn you when he obviously knows about it and because of this I would suggest that he either partakes himself or at the very least thinks it’s perfectly normal and fine.

I have done it in this environment before with other parents

The word parent here is so unwholesome. I have done this before with other neglectful parents.

How anyone can think this is the good and right way to parent their kids is beyond me. Just so grubby. No matter how middle class.

God, what if the poor kids accidentally got hold of the drugs?! Agh

Legality does not always equal morality.

Really? The drug trade is just tickety-boo is it? Just a deeply ethical industry waiting for legalisation. This isn't a bit of weed grown by a hippy behind the barn ffs.

I would judge a party in which every parent was getting shit faced on alcohol while children were around too.

OP, I doubt very much that your dp has given up drugs. Maybe he has but chances are he is still a user occasionally - just not with you.