Manners with guests?

[AmbitiouslyFit]

Had my brother over, he usually is shy and hardly talks and is still young- just hit 20s.

DH has been generous and bought us meat which I used to make meat balls and got us all sorts of things.

I prepared a meat ball dish that requires wrap bread seeing that DH bought some wrap bread. However for lunch we used some of the wrap bread for hummus as well.

Brother was staying over and I told him to help himself to anything except he was quite embarrassed and I think only when I went to sleep he helped himself.

Come time for dinner and I was setting the table and I asked DH where the wrap bread was (assuming he packed it away when I was asleep) and he said he doesn’t know. So I checked fridge and I told him I think there is non left.

Now here is the issue ...

Everyone is sat in the living room. He asks me to check the fridge and I say it’s not there. So I say I will make rice as we won’t be eating it with wraps. He kept insisting there is wraps left.. and I told him no...

H then proceeds to tell me to check the bin in case someone has eaten it which I found weird as brothers were both sat there and it felt odd to be doing this little investigation. I I repeated to DH with a frtrates rone that the bread has finished and that’s that let’s move on and I’m making rice.

He then turns to my brother and asks him directly where the bread is... he was being polite but he was persistent and saying things like “where is it I left it right here” at which point I snap and I tell him to stop asking useless questions and move on.

He is now offended saying that I made him sound stingey like he had an agenda and that all he wanted was to know where the bread was.

But I was pissed off because to me you don’t make a scene out of a missing 2 wraps of bread.. and you don’t expect them to answer to you if they have eaten it especially when we told them to make themselves at home and they hardly did.

He then came to me if I was upset and was within war shot of my brother and I said to please leave it for another time and I think he was very rude the way he handled this.

He is one upset now and I feel I should’ve been more appreciative of the fact he bought stuff for dinner for everyone and went out of his way to make bread and make them happy

How would you have handled this ?

Your DH was out of order to humiliate you DBS.like that. It was a none issue as you could easily provide an alternative.

As you said, your DB is shy and probably felt awkward, but if you say to someone help yourself - you need to be be prepared for them to help themselves. If it was that integral to the meal you should have put it away or said 'but not the wraps they are for tomorrow'

Honestly, the thing that strikes me as weirdest in your post is that you describe your DH as being ‘generous’ in buying some meat — isn’t it quite usual for a partner/spouse/co-parent to provide food for the family?

And why was your 20 year old brother ‘embarrassed’ — are you saying he only helped himself to food after you’d gone to bed? Are you saying he ate the bread?

I was going to say the exact same thing! Dh has been generous and bought us meat oddest statement I have read in a while

Look this whole thing is weird, your reaction to him buying meat, his reaction to two wraps, your brother just sitting there and not saying "Oh I had a wrap last night I was starving", the whole thing is odd.

This whole drama could have been averted if your brother just said he ate the bread. Shy or not, if someone asks you where something they had was and you don’t say that you moved or ate it, they’re going to keep on questioning and looking. And surely you could have just said “I expect they were eaten, we’ll get more later” rather than dance around telling DH not to ask questions. Whole scenario sounds bizarre, tbh.

How does your DH behave when he is not being generous?

...

I agree that your statement DH had been generous and bought us meat stands out, as, if you are able to invite your DB to help himself from the kitchen, I can't think you are necessary struggling financially.
Your husband took advantage of an opportunity to show everyone who's boss, however calmly and 'politely' as in very, very rudely , by cornering a young person who was already out of their comfort zone and embarrassing them in front of others. Mean-spirited and unkind.

I don't understand

If your brother ate it why not just say so. I would have reacted the same way as your DH

and what's with the generous buying meat stuff.

He is now offended saying that I made him sound stingey like he had an agenda and that all he wanted was to know where the bread was.

He did it to himself and when you tried to get him to stop he refused to stop making an ass of himself.

Weird of your brother not to just say that he has eaten the bread. Unless you or your DH we’re making too much of a deal of it, which does sound likely to be honest. Odd all round.

Also confused by your husband being generous and buying meat.

Are you normally vegetarians?
If I ever have a husband generous enough to buy me meet I will be blessed 😂

I'm confused by your husband saying he didn't know where the wraps were but then soon afterwards saying, "I left it right here." HOW CAN BOTH STATEMENTS BE TRUE?

I think your husband ate them.

Weird about the meat, weird your brother wouldn't just say he ate them.

Your brother should have just admitted that he had eaten the wraps, but your DH hardly covered himself in glory. In fact, he made rather an arse of himself as he just wouldn't drop it.

I agree with others too that it is normal to buy meat and other food for family and guests, not an act of special generosity.

I bought chicken and beef for Sunday roast yesterday. So I must have been generous!!

How much plain “wrap bread” can one bloke eat that would feed a gathering of people? Besides the hubby’s generous meat offering should overwhelm this

Your dh was rude, and your brother should have just said he finished it off. By the way, super easy to make similar bread in a few minutes if ever in a pinch again.
www.allrecipes.com/recipe/233531/quick-whole-wheat-chapati/

I also came to jump on this comment DH has been generous and bought us meat

What does he usually buy you?

I mean....you made meatballs so I assume DH's generous offering was...mince?

And surely 2 'bread wraps' wouldn't have been enough for at least 4 of you anyway so you would have needed more

Why didn't either of you just say "does anyone know there the wrap bread is?"

Or "I'll pop out for some more" rather than trying to embarrass your already shy brother?

If you wanted to use the bread for something, you should've said "help yourself to x, y and z but the wrap bread is for dinner tomorrow."

I also agree you saying your husband is generous for buying food for the family is weird and presumably he's actually a bit of a knob, judging by that and the bread issue.

What a bizarre thread:

A brother that is too shy to eat until everyone is asleep

A meat buying husband is lauded as 'generous'

Demanding to know the location of bread that was insufficient to have fed the assembled party anyway

And then posting about the bread interrogation here

Who has meatballs in wraps anyway?

Do you mean pitta bread? I can't imagine eating hummus on a wrap. spectacularly misses point of thread

Also a little underwhelmed by the generosity of the DH.

That combined with embarrassing your DB suggests that he is in fact stingy.