Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Manners with guests?

153 replies

AmbitiouslyFit · 02/01/2020 02:38

Had my brother over, he usually is shy and hardly talks and is still young- just hit 20s.

DH has been generous and bought us meat which I used to make meat balls and got us all sorts of things.

I prepared a meat ball dish that requires wrap bread seeing that DH bought some wrap bread. However for lunch we used some of the wrap bread for hummus as well.

Brother was staying over and I told him to help himself to anything except he was quite embarrassed and I think only when I went to sleep he helped himself.

Come time for dinner and I was setting the table and I asked DH where the wrap bread was (assuming he packed it away when I was asleep) and he said he doesn’t know. So I checked fridge and I told him I think there is non left.

Now here is the issue ...

Everyone is sat in the living room. He asks me to check the fridge and I say it’s not there. So I say I will make rice as we won’t be eating it with wraps. He kept insisting there is wraps left.. and I told him no...

H then proceeds to tell me to check the bin in case someone has eaten it which I found weird as brothers were both sat there and it felt odd to be doing this little investigation. I I repeated to DH with a frtrates rone that the bread has finished and that’s that let’s move on and I’m making rice.

He then turns to my brother and asks him directly where the bread is... he was being polite but he was persistent and saying things like “where is it I left it right here” at which point I snap and I tell him to stop asking useless questions and move on.

He is now offended saying that I made him sound stingey like he had an agenda and that all he wanted was to know where the bread was.

But I was pissed off because to me you don’t make a scene out of a missing 2 wraps of bread.. and you don’t expect them to answer to you if they have eaten it especially when we told them to make themselves at home and they hardly did.

He then came to me if I was upset and was within war shot of my brother and I said to please leave it for another time and I think he was very rude the way he handled this.

He is one upset now and I feel I should’ve been more appreciative of the fact he bought stuff for dinner for everyone and went out of his way to make bread and make them happy

How would you have handled this ?

OP posts:
custardbear · 02/01/2020 06:25

My interpretation is
You have visitors
They feel uncomfortable in your home - perhaps due to previous behaviours of people in your home (?)
Visitor doesn't feel comfortable helping himself until you go to bed ... ask yourself why here?!
Visitor eats bread when you go to bed becuSe was told to help himself
So he does - possibly reluctantly
Your DH makes a song and dance about bread, visitor realises he's made a mistake but too scared to confess
Your DH gets the hump
Your poor brother is mortified and wouldn't have eaten the freakin bread had he known it's off limits
Moral - better communication

Shedidnt · 02/01/2020 06:30

@custardbear You've nailed it.

The OP sounds like a lovely host. Pitta about her DH. sorry, I'm giddy this morning and Bobbin set me off

nakedavengeragain · 02/01/2020 06:30

Even after the explanation this all remains extremely odd.
15 minutes isn't far to buy food!
When you have guests you tend to feed them. Your DH isn't 'generous' buying mince, wraps and nibbles which comes to about £20. Unless you usually request visitors pay their share of dinner, which would be very tight.
Demanding to know the location of bread to the extent of riffling though bins is really really odd and/or a passive aggressive dig at your brother. He sounds unhinged and stingy.

And then a PP said they would have done something silly with the wraps like 'hide them in my DH's pockets or on his pillow to make us all laugh'. Confused

I feel like I'm in another dimension.

WatchingTheMoon · 02/01/2020 06:33

You have very low expectations of your husband if 15 minutes is considered going out of his way.

I can understand your brother, at 20, I was so painfully shy, I can imagine reacting in exactly the same way.

Shedidnt · 02/01/2020 06:35

I'm trying to think of a similar scenario. Say I had planned on having sandwiches or something but when I went to the fridge, the loaf was empty. I'd probably have called out to DH - 'Hey, we're out of bread, can you nip to the shop and pick some up?' If he then proceeded to interrogate everyone to establish the phantom of the bread, I'd have eaten him and told him to get a grip and just go and get more!

I realise maybe the ingredients and wrap bread were possibly not as easy to source on the day that was in it, but still, I'd have killed my DH for making my guests feel uncomfortable.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 02/01/2020 06:44

Is your DB shy around your DH as he is a controlling monster OP? I would genuinely LTB for thinking he is a prince among men for travelling afar (15 minutes) to generously pay c£3.99 for mince, then demanding a full scale hunt in order to track down the exact location of two wrap breads.

PlumsGalore · 02/01/2020 06:51

Yes, the statement about how generous your husband was to buy meat and bread is bizarre.

Ps I do lamb meatballs with salad and yoghurt and mint sauce in wraps and they are very popular in this house 😀 the meat and bread is paid for with family money so no round of applause needed.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 02/01/2020 06:55

I hate helping myself in another person's house for this exact reason, we're currently staying with DH family. He's happy to help himself, but I'm not, currently waiting on DH getting up so I can have breakfast!

Ullupullu · 02/01/2020 07:00

DH went out of his way for paying for all the food. This is v unusual in your latest reply too OP. There should be a shared household budget for food. He's not being generous

No wonder your brother is "shy" - the atmosphere sounds toxic.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/01/2020 07:02

If he then proceeded to interrogate everyone to establish the phantom of the bread, I'd have eaten him

I really hope this isn't a typo Grin

OP id also like the recipe please! Presumably it's lamb mince?

SpudsAreLife84 · 02/01/2020 07:03

Blimey, tense times in your house OP Shock No wonder they kept quiet about eating the wraps if that is how he behaves! Suggest that next time he buy several packs and get the fuck over it!

Are you expected to be grateful every time he buys food for you?! I really bloody hope not!

Elindab · 02/01/2020 07:20

Could I have the recipe as well please.

This. It sounds so delicious, OP.

isit2020yet · 02/01/2020 07:27

@Shedidnt humous in a wrap is lovely 😋try it with falafel and cucumber 🥒

NewName73 · 02/01/2020 07:28

OP, I agree your DH was rude.

And posters who think you only eat meatballs with pasta need to broaden their cultural horizons a bit.

TokyoSushi · 02/01/2020 07:31

ConfusedGrin

Shedidnt · 02/01/2020 07:37

I'm always interested in getting authentic recipes from other cultures rather than Jamie Oliver trying to cook Indian or Italian or something. We're all waiting OP for the recipe!

brassbrass · 02/01/2020 07:46

Why didn't your brother just say oh I had it earlier.

Not sure that your DH was particularly out of order. Why were you pussyfooting around your brother so much? Surely a "did you finish the bread just checking? If so not a problem I'll make rice".

You were a bit melodramatic I think.

Shedidnt · 02/01/2020 07:47

@brassbrass The OP has explained that her brother is shy.

Shedidnt · 02/01/2020 07:49

It's in the first line of her OP

Had my brother over, he usually is shy and hardly talks and is still young- just hit 20s.

LemonPrism · 02/01/2020 07:49

Why's anyone calling it 'wrap bread'?! They're just called wraps... at most tortillas.

I think your DB will be going hungry if he ever stays at yours again after that pathetic and rude show from DH.

If DPs family had done that I'd have been quiet and humiliated too - he acted like your DB had stolen it. In future if something bf S needed for tea you have to mention it

Sayhellotothethings · 02/01/2020 07:56

This reminds me of the time I got invited to somebody's house for dinner, but on arrival they said they couldn't afford to feed me.

Why is it being called wrap bread.

Your brother should have said that he ate it.

FamilyOfAliens · 02/01/2020 07:56

This. It sounds so delicious, OP.

How can it sound delicious? The OP has only listed a couple of the ingredients. It’s impossible to know what it tastes like from that.

brassbrass · 02/01/2020 07:57

So what? No one's asking for a presentation with jazz hands. Just politely say yeah breads finished.

Creeping around eating food after everyone has gone to bed is weird. Instead of enabling all these awkward behaviours teach him some coping/social skills. He's not mute. If he can't even communicate with his own sister then how does he manage in other aspects of his life?

Shedidnt · 02/01/2020 08:02

Well presumably normal people don't interrogate him for eating when he was told to help himself. Having been pathologically shy in my youth, I would have been completely mortified. I'd have gone bright red and vowed never to eat again!

brassbrass · 02/01/2020 08:08

Doesn't really excuse being in someone else's home and not answering a simple question. It escalated because the brother didn't speak up and because OP overreacted to her DH asking about it which made him pursue it even more. All contributed to it but brother could have nipped it in the bud right at the beginning. He is ground zero of the problem.