Manners with guests?

[AmbitiouslyFit]

Had my brother over, he usually is shy and hardly talks and is still young- just hit 20s.

DH has been generous and bought us meat which I used to make meat balls and got us all sorts of things.

I prepared a meat ball dish that requires wrap bread seeing that DH bought some wrap bread. However for lunch we used some of the wrap bread for hummus as well.

Brother was staying over and I told him to help himself to anything except he was quite embarrassed and I think only when I went to sleep he helped himself.

Come time for dinner and I was setting the table and I asked DH where the wrap bread was (assuming he packed it away when I was asleep) and he said he doesn’t know. So I checked fridge and I told him I think there is non left.

Now here is the issue ...

Everyone is sat in the living room. He asks me to check the fridge and I say it’s not there. So I say I will make rice as we won’t be eating it with wraps. He kept insisting there is wraps left.. and I told him no...

H then proceeds to tell me to check the bin in case someone has eaten it which I found weird as brothers were both sat there and it felt odd to be doing this little investigation. I I repeated to DH with a frtrates rone that the bread has finished and that’s that let’s move on and I’m making rice.

He then turns to my brother and asks him directly where the bread is... he was being polite but he was persistent and saying things like “where is it I left it right here” at which point I snap and I tell him to stop asking useless questions and move on.

He is now offended saying that I made him sound stingey like he had an agenda and that all he wanted was to know where the bread was.

But I was pissed off because to me you don’t make a scene out of a missing 2 wraps of bread.. and you don’t expect them to answer to you if they have eaten it especially when we told them to make themselves at home and they hardly did.

He then came to me if I was upset and was within war shot of my brother and I said to please leave it for another time and I think he was very rude the way he handled this.

He is one upset now and I feel I should’ve been more appreciative of the fact he bought stuff for dinner for everyone and went out of his way to make bread and make them happy

How would you have handled this ?

Sounds to me like the 'D'H was making a song and dance because he was so 'generous' enough to buy food and anted to make a huge point.

It was only two wraps, are you that hard up that someone eating a few wraps leaves your cupboards empty?

This thread is bonkers. It's bread FFS. Bread
I strongly suspect that my DH has taken a potato from the bag we keep in the kitchen. I will have to conduct a formal investigation and take the witness statements

The answer is to lock away all the food and install CCTV so that all food consumption can be observed and recorded.

I also suggest analysing the faeces of all visitors so as to determine exactly what people have eaten. If they have stolen from your kitchen there must be consequences.

Your poor brother. No wonder he's terrified of opening his mouth.

Plot twist

I found the bag of wraps under the table in a non visible location.

DH told me the reason behind the interrogation was because he was almost sure he saw it and was sure no one ate it as he was sat with dB.

Yes I sleep during the day as I have a newborn.

We make bread using a bread maker, we had half a loaf and the wraps were just to be on top.

Yes English isn’t my native language.

I think this was a misunderstanding and I apologized to DH for making it sound like he was embarrassing my brother. Turns out no one ate the bread and DH was just confused why I was assuming someone did.

I do think he should cut down on his habit of wanting to get to the bottom of things though, yes he is usually like this with everything even in his own stuff. I think it’s partly his OCD? Don’t think he can be judged as controlling from one incident.

Thanks everyone for the help. I’m curious whether your stances are the same now that the bread has been found !

Again the generous comment was because I was trying to show that DH wasn’t unhappy about the guests being there or about their consumption. We had food in the house, we have ingredients to last us a week of dinners, it’s just he insisted to buy what he knew was my brothers favorite meal, made him fresh bread himself, and all that... our finances are a bit all over the place but that’s a topic for another day and it’s not him to blame- how could he be without context ?

But he has a habit of digging for answers which is subconscious (yes his mother is like this).

Moral of the story is I think DH doesn’t realize how his habit of digging for the finest details makes people around him feel and needed to be told, but he certainty didn’t have any malicious intentions.

Why didn't someone just pop out to buy more wraps? Seems to be a big drama over nothing. 0

I found the bag of wraps under the table in a non visible location

. Obviously, my theory that your husband secretly are them can be rejected now. Still, the mystery remains of how they ended up there.

Best wishes for your pregnancy, OP. I'm glad you're getting a chance to rest in the day.

Wrapgate is only getting weirder now. So the wraps were under the kitchen table, and your DH ‘was almost sure he saw it’? (What? The wraps? The moment they fell? Someone hiding them?) And he was with your brother the entire time so knew your brother didn’t eat the damn wraps anyway, but just thought he’d waterboard him for information anyway? Did he point a finger and scream YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!’?

A few things stand out here -

1. Going to a supermarket (even one a whole 15 minutes away) is standard, everyday behaviour of the general population. Yes, it was nice of him to make the flatbread for your DB if this is his favourite, but to be fair, it’s only flatbread, and it sounds like you were doing the vast majority of the cooking for the lot of them while they say around. Do you regard your cooking as super-generous?

2. He did not buy flour, whatever and meat “for you”. He is your husband. Do you have split finances or something? This will not pan out well now that you have a baby and your mentality is that him buying you (or your family) food is a notable act of generosity.

3. What do you mean by “non-visible location” under the table? Was it hidden?

4. Finally, if your DH is so sure the bread has not been eaten, then, in the nicest possible way, why doesn’t he get off his own arse to find it, rather than sitting there with your DBs, directing you to rummage through the bin?

Give me strength!

I had a boyfriend like this, OP. The 'digging for the truth' used to keep me awake at night. 'I'm SURE I saw xxxxx, maybe...' and then some outrageous theory about what might possibly have happened, only to be followed by another, even more outrageous theory.

Does your DH see a doctor for his OCD? It sounds as though he may need medication - this sort of thing can really start to impact on family life, and the arrival of a new baby may have thrown him for a bit of a loop.

Absolutely. Those pesky babies, continually hiding their tiny socks and favourite cuddle toys and refusing to say where they are, and if they were involved in their disappearance.

With regard to the wrap bread I'm imagining the huge ones that are more like a naan/Greek pitta wrap that I source from either our local Turkish shop or Syrian bakery to go with out Cypriot meatballs. 1 is enough for lunch for me and 2 dc alongside salad etc. You can't just pop to Tesco and get one. DP definitely caused an unnecessary scene though, even though it's annoying when you've planned and are looking forward to something. Poor db probably won't dare help himself anymore

@happycamper11 I'm guessing though, that these were not special posh giant deli wraps. More likely Tesco. And just because you are satiated sharing one special posh giant deli wrap with your two DC, I imagine that the OPs husband and 2 DBs would very easily be able to eat a whole one 🤷‍♀️ As has already been demonstrated by the current Mysterious Disappearing Wraps conundrum...it wasn't the DH or OP...which only leaves...2 DBs as Prime Suspects 😂

Honestly, nobody would eat a whole one of these - well no adult with an average appetite, they intended for sharing and are about the size of a dustbin lid. They aren't posh either 😆. Cost a couple of quid from the very un posh Turkish discount supermarket not an artisan deli. Though I suppose to some anything not available is Tesco might be posh haha. Judging by the rest of the ingredients it does seem more likely it wasn't just a tortilla wrap, far more likely the bread would be in keeping with the rest of the meal, and also would explain why there were only 2 but could be wrong of course

A bag of homemade wraps hiding under the table. Quite the plot twist indeed! Can we now establish who put the wraps under the table?

I think I know the bread you're talking about. I don't know what it's called, but I get it sometimes from the shop across the road. It's like one giant sort of flat-bread about 3cm thick? It's actually only £1 where I am and you find it in all the Turkish shops. I know it goes stale after a day, so you'd only buy them if feeding a few people. It's in the bread section and I've often wondered whether people toast it/put fillings in. Hadn't occurred to me that it would be eaten with dinner.

Know the type you mean @happycamper11 — though anyone who uses them regularly and doesn’t have a local supply tends to bulk-buy and freeze, I imagine, like we do — but it’s even harder to imagine something that size lying invisibly under the table...

I hadn't read the plot twist when I posted so now not sure what to think but I've now planned kofta meatballs, wraps and humous for tea. The Turkish supermarket is conveniently opposite the soft play we'd already planned to go to today 😋

@FeigningHorror that's true- I kind of imagined some sort of table with a shelf or additional layer under to allow extension but I'm probably stretching now 😆

Does the bread look like this OP?

One of the really bizarre things about this thread is that 90% of the posters seem unable to get their heads around the fact that other cultures have different behavioural norms. Perhaps the op looks after the household finances and her dh was buying food out of his allowance? Maybe not, but you don't know, so go easy on the derision.

Others family dynamics don't always conform to our own, and to think that they should is really narrow-minded, imo. Why can't people just comment on the op's question, without mocking?

Total normal here on mumsnet @WatcherintheRye not just about relationships either . One poster was astounded that someone might eat wrap and humous together - an absolute staple for some.

@WatcherintheRye there's always this kind of response to OPs on AIBU; some posters always say the OP is BU even when it's quite clearly not the case. In this case, the OP's choice of words was quite curious, saying that her DH was 'generous'.

Her explanation that her DH has OCD does make sense of his behaviour, and a new baby would certainly add to his stress.

Anyone, all's well that ends well, now that the wraps have been found.

@FeigningHorror 😂🍞