Manners with guests?

[AmbitiouslyFit]

Had my brother over, he usually is shy and hardly talks and is still young- just hit 20s.

DH has been generous and bought us meat which I used to make meat balls and got us all sorts of things.

I prepared a meat ball dish that requires wrap bread seeing that DH bought some wrap bread. However for lunch we used some of the wrap bread for hummus as well.

Brother was staying over and I told him to help himself to anything except he was quite embarrassed and I think only when I went to sleep he helped himself.

Come time for dinner and I was setting the table and I asked DH where the wrap bread was (assuming he packed it away when I was asleep) and he said he doesn’t know. So I checked fridge and I told him I think there is non left.

Now here is the issue ...

Everyone is sat in the living room. He asks me to check the fridge and I say it’s not there. So I say I will make rice as we won’t be eating it with wraps. He kept insisting there is wraps left.. and I told him no...

H then proceeds to tell me to check the bin in case someone has eaten it which I found weird as brothers were both sat there and it felt odd to be doing this little investigation. I I repeated to DH with a frtrates rone that the bread has finished and that’s that let’s move on and I’m making rice.

He then turns to my brother and asks him directly where the bread is... he was being polite but he was persistent and saying things like “where is it I left it right here” at which point I snap and I tell him to stop asking useless questions and move on.

He is now offended saying that I made him sound stingey like he had an agenda and that all he wanted was to know where the bread was.

But I was pissed off because to me you don’t make a scene out of a missing 2 wraps of bread.. and you don’t expect them to answer to you if they have eaten it especially when we told them to make themselves at home and they hardly did.

He then came to me if I was upset and was within war shot of my brother and I said to please leave it for another time and I think he was very rude the way he handled this.

He is one upset now and I feel I should’ve been more appreciative of the fact he bought stuff for dinner for everyone and went out of his way to make bread and make them happy

How would you have handled this ?

Is your money pooled, OP? If not, just be careful that your DH isn't making a big song and dance out of 'buying things for you' while you are contributing to the household in a less-financial-but-more-practical way.

Your DB sounds as though he's just quite unsocialised as a lot of young people are and didn't want to speak up for himself and your DH just got a bee in his bonnet and couldn't let it go. How he behaves afterwards is key - mortified when he realises that your DB ate the wraps and was too shy to confess? Or keeping on and on and on about the wraps without caring what may have happened? Because the latter indicates that he considers himself King of the House and may indicate controlling tendencies.

Meatballs in wraps sounds delicious though.

Who normally buys the meat if DH is being 'generous' buying it this time? I expect the brother was scared to admit to eating the bread because DH has form for stinginess.

What interesting lives some people have. Can't stop, today's the day I count my cans of dog food.

Would have put MH as in mean husband what’s D about him

But @longwayoff, if there is one can missing, will you interrogate overnight visitors in case they snaffled it for a late-night snack?

All this drama over TWO wraps?

I don't actually know where to start 😂😂

And as for the 'generous meat buying husband' who had to travel FIFTEEN MINUTES to buy a pound of minced beef 🤦‍♀️ This is beyond ridiculous!

OP...you have such a low bar here...is this how your life is? You need to re-evaluate your expectations for yourself. Seriously. Your DH is a twat.

Meatballs in wraps sounds delicious though.

Unless you are talking about 2 wraps divided between 4 adults, then there’s not really enough wrap for the meatballs to go in.

Your poor brother. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want to come round again and if he did, he is going to feel really uncomfortable and awkward.

Your DH sounds mean and unhinged. Making a big song and dance about 2 wraps? If it was me then I'd look for them and say to you 'have you seen the wraps' because I'd have assumed they were there somewhere and I just wasn't seeing them however when it got to the point where he was looking in the bin...obviously if he has to look in the bin then it's obvious that he thinks they may have been eaten so instead of going on and on, just leave it there and either make do with what you have or go to the shops. No big drama like your DH has done. He sounds pretty mean and controlling, I'll be honest. It must be quite a tense uncomfortable atmosphere in your house.

@FeigningHorror, I certainly will and, regardless of outcome, I will also start an AIBU thread

I think DH started down a line of questioning he shouldn’t and felt embarrassed himself to be told to stop. DB ate the bread and obv hoped that DH would stop his line of questioning before having to admit anything, he shouldn’t have had to admit anything. If something shouldn’t be eaten he ought to have known.
Still don’t get why you think DH is super generous, 15 mins is not that far but we live essentially in the middle of nowhere so that’s local for us.
If there’s only two breads left I don’t see why he pushed so much, who was going to have them? I’d feel it only right to cut them in half for equal share at any rate with insufficient quantities to feed everyone.

Was this more about money than the wraps being eaten? Did your DH make a big song and dance about paying for the food?

It’s fairly obvious that English isn’t the OPs first language; it would be nice if people stopped over-analysing her choice of words for things. It’s incredibly rude.

Weird all round!

Well, if you suggest to people that they help themselves to anything they want, you have to expect them to do so. Your DB did nothing wrong.

Ffs, it was no big deal.Your DH was extremely rude and your DB was probably scared to admit to eating it under the circumstances. I bet your DB won't want to visit again.

DH has been generous and bought us meat
What does this mean? Why do you consider it generous to buy you meat? Aren't you allowed to buy meat or is it that you can't afford to buy meat usually?

I definitely wouldn't see the need to be amazingly appreciative that DH had provided food. Who normally buys the food in your home?

If it was just two wraps he ate, how many people was that supposed to feed?

A 15 minute drive to get food is nothing either. Your DH sounds like a prick to me.

How odd

As others have said- the whole thing is weird.

The 'generous' DH,
The mute brothers,
The weird sleeping times,
The 'investigation',
The weird over gratefulness for to the DH for going to the supermarket,

And at what point did DH try to make bread for everyone- I thought he bought the wraps?

And were you really going to serve two wraps between four people?

This is the weirdest op on MN for some time!

Op do you have access to all your DH’s money while you are on mat leave? Because that is normal in a healthy non abusive relationship.

I worry for you with your low expectations of DH’s behaviour and he sounds aggressive and controlling.

What does your family think of him?

Have you been together long? Is this first dc?

You sound a bit vulnerable and I worry that dh is trying to isolate you from your family to enable abuse.

Btw 15 mins to buy meat isn’t generous it’s expected!

You telling your DH to "drop it" rather than just saying, Oh, John must have had the wraps last night I told him to help himself, is what escalated this.

Is your husband controlling when it comes to food and money. Sounds like your 20 year old brother is terrified of eating anything, and the interrogation that followed would hint to why.

Buying food for the household isn't generous! It's called living. Lots of people don't live 5 minutes from the local shop so driving 15 minutes for shopping isn't remarkable.

Are you afraid of your husband?

From what you’ve said, it sounds as if you have quite a controlling DH. He told you to check the bins? Why didn’t he get up and do it if he was that bothered? To even think about checking bins is weird in the first place. What would finding the packet have achieved?

Op your husband doesn't sound nice at all I'm afraid. He was unreasonable. Maybe he ate the wraps himself.
I also think it's nice but normal for him to go get the ingredients. It's the way things should be and It seems it might not be the norm for him???
The interrogation was weird. Everything about that scenario was weird.
Normal people just say" have you seen the wrap bread? "
"No it must have been eaten"
"ok I'll make rice instead or go get some more"
Who cares who has eaten it? If I was in your house id never help myself again after everyone watching my every move and interrogating me like that.

Your DH isn’t a nice person. You deserve better.

Is there an unhealthy attitude to food in general in your house? It all sounds rather intense.

@gingersauce what, in the OPs narrative, makes it 'obvious' that English isn't her first language? It really isn't 'obvious' at all! Her language, sentence structure and word choices are very much those of a competent English speaker (yes, an occasional 'text type' error which we all make when typing quickly on a phone perhaps, but nothing at all that says EAL 🤷‍♀️)

She may or may not be a native English speaker, but that cannot be gleaned from her very eloquently written posts, nor the situation she's posting about, and should have NO bearing on subsequent replies!

This is a really bizarre situation.
I don't understand why he's being so generous because he bought meat. Can you not normally afford meat?
Does he normally expect you to pay for food for your family when they visit?
How do the finances work out in your marriage? Don't you have shared finances? What will happen when the baby arrives? Are you still supposed to pay for half of everything while on maternity leave?

I find this whole situation quite worrying. There's often a lot of backstory to posts like this. Because in most households this wouldn't have been an issue at all. There wouldn't have been a drama about the missing wraps. It would have been assumed they had been eaten. End of. There were only 2 left anyway (which begs the question of how were they supposed to be enough for 4 people to eat with meat balls).
In most households one partner wouldn't be going on about how generous the other was because they'd bought some meat for everyone and driven 15 mins to the shop to buy it. Very strange - this is normal life for most people.

What's the backstory OP?