Manners with guests?

[AmbitiouslyFit]

Had my brother over, he usually is shy and hardly talks and is still young- just hit 20s.

DH has been generous and bought us meat which I used to make meat balls and got us all sorts of things.

I prepared a meat ball dish that requires wrap bread seeing that DH bought some wrap bread. However for lunch we used some of the wrap bread for hummus as well.

Brother was staying over and I told him to help himself to anything except he was quite embarrassed and I think only when I went to sleep he helped himself.

Come time for dinner and I was setting the table and I asked DH where the wrap bread was (assuming he packed it away when I was asleep) and he said he doesn’t know. So I checked fridge and I told him I think there is non left.

Now here is the issue ...

Everyone is sat in the living room. He asks me to check the fridge and I say it’s not there. So I say I will make rice as we won’t be eating it with wraps. He kept insisting there is wraps left.. and I told him no...

H then proceeds to tell me to check the bin in case someone has eaten it which I found weird as brothers were both sat there and it felt odd to be doing this little investigation. I I repeated to DH with a frtrates rone that the bread has finished and that’s that let’s move on and I’m making rice.

He then turns to my brother and asks him directly where the bread is... he was being polite but he was persistent and saying things like “where is it I left it right here” at which point I snap and I tell him to stop asking useless questions and move on.

He is now offended saying that I made him sound stingey like he had an agenda and that all he wanted was to know where the bread was.

But I was pissed off because to me you don’t make a scene out of a missing 2 wraps of bread.. and you don’t expect them to answer to you if they have eaten it especially when we told them to make themselves at home and they hardly did.

He then came to me if I was upset and was within war shot of my brother and I said to please leave it for another time and I think he was very rude the way he handled this.

He is one upset now and I feel I should’ve been more appreciative of the fact he bought stuff for dinner for everyone and went out of his way to make bread and make them happy

How would you have handled this ?

Now I want meatballs.

Did your generous husband make or buy the wrap bread? Cos you say both in your op.
Do you live in the UK or somewhere where meat is scarce and expensive?

This whole scenario is totally weird. Surely pasta is what you have with meatballs?

Maybe it's a version of tortillas.

Anyway, the OP sounds very kind but the DH sounds mean and confrontational with the manners of a pig.

Might not be worth having an argument and agree with pps that buying food for tea isn't spectacularly generous, it's just what you do. However, I'd have found his interrogation over who ate/ binned the wraps very odd too. Has he done this before? If he has, then maybe that would explain nobody speaking up about eating the wraps. Sounds like he was very OTT! I'd probably do something silly like buy some wraps and leave them in funny places to make him/ myself laugh about it- put one on his pillow, in his jacket pocket etc...

As for your question OP as to how I'd have handled it, I think you did ok really. You stopped him making a fuss and embarrassing your DB and just got on with things. I'd have done similar, probably saying, oh someone must have eaten them - we didn't have much in anyway.. Or something like that to ensure your DB didn't feel guilty or greedy for eating them.

But your poor brother must have been mortified.

Your husband is anything but generous. I’m wondering if your brother is shy because of your “generous” husbands reaction to anyone eating his food.

I have nothing very helpful to add but I’m really curious about this generous meat buying husband so I want to see how this pans out. I’m also curious as to how two wraps would feed at least three adults. This is weird.

I’m confused as to what constitutes “wrap bread” here op. Do you mean tortilla wraps? Regardless, 2 of whatever was missing would not be enough for 4 adults anyway?

The logic thing would have been to go to a shop and buy some more.
Is there a cultural difference at play here? It just seems bizarre that your husband is being commended by you for buying meat and other stuff. It all sounds like a very odd set up to me and the wraps are the least of your worries by the sound of it.

I mean today the local places were closed and so he had to go somewhere 15 mins away to buy meat for everyone. I had both brothers over and he supposed all the food and nibbles. He didn’t need to.

Yes we are vegetarians 5/7 days a week, and yesterday was a vegetarian day. My brother would’ve been more than happy with a vegetarian dish but my DH insisted today go buy all the ingredients for his favourite meal. I say this to put things in context as to not have people assume my husband is generally unwelcoming or stingy.

It isn’t pasta and meat balls. It is an ethnic dish involving using mince to make something similar to meat balls with a special sauce and veggies.

We ARE on a tight budget as I’m on maternity and in all honesty DH went out of his way for paying for all the food.

He did think that me telling him to drop it persistently made a scene of things when all he wanted was to know exact location of the bread.

My frustration was because I believe my brother was embarsssd- yes possibly ate it - and the whole panicky way in which he was asked these questions made it even more embarrassing. I would honestly be embarrassed if that was me and he is a very very considerate guest.

I just didn’t see the need for him to request I search the bins and question every person when clearly it just wasn’t in the fridge and I started with an alternative.

How do DH and DBs get on away from meat and bread?

As an aside, can you post the recipe, as I want it now lol

Yes, your DH was rude unnecessarily. As a guest I'd have been mortified.

Time for this Detective InspecTor-tilla to wrap up the case...

all he wanted was to know exact location of the bread.

That's weirder than you telling him to drop it OP. Is he a bit thick? Couldn't he work out your brother ate it but was shy?

Can you tell your DH not to embarrass guests in future? About wraps or anything else!

Is he normally like this with guests? I.e. not making them feel at home?

Bobbin OP shouldn't have RISEN to the bait. The DH's behaviour was crumby.

I think your DH reacted a bit aggressively here. I can see why he might have been annoyed (although you’d told DB he could help himself), but it didn’t need to be dealt with in front of guests. Is this out of character for him?

Yessssssss! Someone's joining in. Thanks Bill

The dh really made a meal out of a pair of wraps

A right meat balls of things

This post is reaLly odd. Why is is generous of your husband to buy food.

If you can’t afford to feed your guests you shouldn’t invite them.

You should also have told your brother what he could and could eat.

It doesn’t sound like a very easy home to visit. Is your husband controlling? He sounds dreadful and it sounds like your tiptoes around him?

Odd!

When your dh asked your brother about the bread did he reply?

It isn’t pasta and meat balls. It is an ethnic dish involving using mince to make something similar to meat balls with a special sauce and veggies.

Could I have the recipe as well please.

Fifteen minutes isn't far to travel to buy ingredients for a meal...

Providing meals and nibbles for guests staying in your house isn't generous but expected unless something else is pre-arranged. Is your husband always in charge of all of the spending in your household?