Cards against humanity - angry friend

[CareBear50]

Last night we had a bit of a get together with v close friends and family. There were about 5 or 6 of us. I had been given Cards Against Humanity for Christmas and decided to play a game of it.

I explained the premise of the game to everyone and explained how it worked. I said some might find it offensive (and gave some harsh examples) but just wanted to make sure everyone was ok about it before we played as I knew some people might not like it. I explained if they were uncomfortable it was perfectly fine to say no. No one objected.

Everyone played the game.

Anyway - I called in to my friends house earlier to say hi and he had a go at me four times, complaining that the game was not ok. On four separate occasions I told him that I had given him the opportunity to opt out, along with everyone else, and if he didn't want to play that was fine. In the end I told him you have no right to complain after the fact, if you say nothing when we were playing it or before we started, as I am not a mind-reader and in such a small group you could easily have aired your concerns.

This person is normally quite vocal and no shrinking violet.

Was I being unreasonable?

meanwhile those same posters are judging those of us who enjoy the game as "sick," vile" and "mysogynistic" and we need to take a hard look at our morals

Why do you like the game?
What is it about it that you enjoy?

The first time I played CAH, I found it wildly hilarious, so ‘edgy’.....then I played it again a few years later and realised it wasn’t funny at all.

As the articles by previous posters have more eloquently put, it’s very much a game for white privileged people to make jokes at the expense of many other marginalised groups.

The fact that they ‘used one day of profits’ to give factory workers a holiday, shouldn’t be celebrated as ‘charitable’ either....

With regards to the OP’s friend, I would find it hard to voice my opinions about a game at a gathering. I wouldn’t want to be the killjoy that ruined the night if everyone else was enthusiastic. Maybe he was trying to have a discussion with you (his friend) the following day about how he felt about the game without anyone around. Perhaps he brought it up four times because he felt that you were not listening to what he was trying to say.

I'm old and our son loves this game! My DH and I played it with him and his girlfriend for the first time many years ago. It was an eye opener but we all had a laugh! There was one occasion when I had to ask them both what something meant which made me feel a bit of a numpty!!! [Wish I could remember what it was.]
Every year I buy the extension packs for his Christmas stocking [he's now 27!!!].
Your friend could have stopped playing if he was uncomfortable.

I have this brilliant idea that I know Mumsnet struggles to understand: let people like what they like. If you don't like the game, don't play it. Simple.

The point of a public forum is to find out other people’s views and experiences. How do we learn and grow if we don’t consider why other people hold opinions?

I’m not soft or snowflakey, or easily offended, but as I said in my post above, I found it funny at first, but have re-evaluated. Listen to why other people don’t like it, and see if that effects how you feel. We are constantly evolving our ideas as a society regarding what is acceptable, funny or ‘ok’.

Why do you like the game?
What is it about it that you enjoy?

Just like many other have said on here, I find it funny and to an extent, clever to try creating the various phrases. Yes, I know you are now going to call me a horrible person but I know I'm not, I just have a different sense of humour to you.

My brother wanted to play this in front of my 5 and 7 year olds!

The point of a public forum is to find out other people’s views and experiences. How do we learn and grow if we don’t consider why other people hold opinions?

But this thread isn't asking for opinions on the game.... Its asking if Ops friends behaviour was unreasonable. Also, insulting each other isn't understanding opinions, it's shutting them down.

I struggle to see how some people can find humour in some of those cards. But then again people with power and privilege are the ones who have always found humour at the expense of others. See the 1960s TV for reference

Can I just confirm this correctly.... Those on this thread who do not like the game and find it offensive are moaning about being called "snowflakes" and "wet lettuce", meanwhile those same posters are judging those of us who enjoy the game as "sick," vile" and "mysogynistic" and we need to take a hard look at our morals? Seems very hypocritical of you all doesn't it...

No more hypocritical than the posters who enjoy it and are insulting those who don't being offended that those who do not enjoy it deem the game vile.

Do you really want to remain friends with someone like this, OP?

Like what?

@chomalungma, I actually think that the majority of people who enjoy playing it are probably, on the surface anyway, the opposite of what you are imagining. They are the MC, Guardian reading, woke brigade who love CAH because it gives them a legitimate outlet for all their naughty little prejudices with the added advantage that one plays it with ones chums when one is pissed hahaha. (Excuse me whilst I un-roll my eyes from the back of my head).

Someone bought it over to our house a few years ago when we gave a party. It was one of those things that divided opinion; those who didn't want to play just opted out without fuss, though, so I didn't give much thought to it. I'd have been surprised at anyone going along with it then going off their rocker a few days later; surely the time to complain is when it's happening?

Watched the video and I think it's vile. And I have a pretty high threshold for this sort of thing, and think Frankie Boyle is bloody funny.

Maybe the friend was worried if he said he didn’t want to play the game he would be jeered at and be accused of being a wet lettuce. Maybe the game had triggered something and he was worried someone might ask why he didn’t want to play anymore.

According to some PP on here I must live under a rock. I have only heard of this game on MN and normally on the threads where people are asking what games they can buy/take on holiday. CAH is mentioned but with the caveat only for older teens/adults. This is the first time I have read actual details of the game and I now know this game is not for me.

@DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn that's exactly my point.... Read my post properly, I said it's hypocritical of "you all" 🙄 all meaning both sides... Seriously, Mumsnetters are always just looking for an argument

I am incredibly liberal and play it. It’s because it is so offensive it’s funny.anyone who is genuinely racist, homophobic etc would probably not find it funny

This thread is going off on a tangent.. we're not debating the game, we're discussing whether the OP's friend's reaction after playing the game was unreasonable.

OP I think YANBU. You gave your friend multiple opportunities to say they didn't want to play. If they felt they couldn't speak up at the time, that still doesn't mean they can have a go at you on four separate occasions following the evening.

it is unfortunate you did not ask him whether it was ok to play. Why did you not? Are you feeling a bit defensive because you realise that you should have asked him rather than his wife and that someone has now challenged you about your choices? Perfectly understandable.

Eh??! I did ask him. And before that I had asked his wife who ran it past him. So they were asked on three occasions.

There are two issues here I think. 1. Should we have played the game? If I could turn back time we would have played another game.

2. My mate could have said no. As I said in opening statement my mate is no shrinking violet and can actually be quite outspoken at times, verging on being rude. Despite what some posters are saying I still think they could have spoken up first instead of complaining after. But I am going to leave things for a few days to let the dust settle and see how they are.

However I do think this is the game for people who think family guy is funny.

This

Oh and in the group, we have all known each other for at least twenty years

*it is unfortunate you did not ask him whether it was ok to play. Why did you not? Are you feeling a bit defensive because you realise that you should have asked him rather than his wife and that someone has now challenged you about your choices? Perfectly understandable.

Honestly, if you are going to post on a thread RTFT, its not hard. OP, YANBU, you gave your friend plenty of opportunity to say no and gave him examples. I don't agree with the bullshit spouted on here about peer pressure, he is an adult and if he has a strong opinion and find things offensive he should be able to say. Personally, I think he was out of line having a go at you afterwards.

I had heard about the game in general terms, thought I knew what it was, am not a prude and have a fairly black sense of humour. It was unexpectedly vile. Social constraint stopped me walking out. Maybe your friend had a similar experience? Maybe it's preyed on your friend's mind and he needed to vent that with you in private afterwards?

This article explains better than I could, what I think of this game.

www.shutupandsitdown.com/review-cards-against-humanity/

"Does this game really think it’s edgy with its jokes about Mexicans, Mormons or Jews? It’s not just that this will offend people, it’s that it’s so damn old.
It’s what mainstream white culture has done for generations and the framework which Cards Against Humanity deliberately provides is one that encourages it further. In an age of greater awareness, where more and more people push for social change, this game is winking at you and telling you it’s okay to indulge those backward prejudices. It’s just fun, it says. It’s ironic, it says. And for the white male designers of Cards Against Humanity, who are primarily selling it to white male players, a lot of these belittling, dehumanising concepts are just a bit of fun rather than real issues that affect them.
If you can’t own a joke, you shouldn’t tell it. My biggest problem with Cards Against Humanity is perhaps the same reason many find it so thrilling – it provides permission to tell jokes you don’t dare by removing all sense of responsibility.
I fundamentally don’t think that Cards Against Humanity is a funny game. The cards create jokes, but that isn’t what makes people laugh. The laughter comes from the giddy thrill of behaving in a way that we know is taboo. Your mate just said something massively racist, but it’s fine – they didn’t choose to put those cards together. And your other friend that did? Well, they didn’t really have many other cards. Besides, so many of the cards are nasty – it’s really just the nature of the game.
This removal of responsibility is frankly just weak. The appeal relies on raucous tittering about people saying things that they ‘aren’t supposed to’, but in reality you can say whatever the fuck you want.
I despise the implication that those who complain about the tone of Cards Against Humanity are approaching the topic with the mindset of a prude: I’m no stranger to making jokes about highly controversial subjects. I’ve been doing it on a podcast for almost five years. I don’t need a card game to grant me permission, but I also don’t need one to absolve me from guilt.
It’s a system designed to reliably dose players with an intoxicating sense of naughtiness. Breaking social rules gives people a buzz, but frankly there are better rules to be breaking. One of the great pleasures of games is allowing yourself to briefly play a role that’s different to your own, but I can’t help but cringe when faced with the glee of people using a deck of cards to pretend they’re the square root of Jeremy Clarkson."

It's a grim 'game'.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.buzzfeed.com/amphtml/awesomer/sorry-grandma

Do the cards feature:

Piers Morgan
Nigel Farage
Daily Mail readers
Daily Express readers
Sun readers
Climate change deniers
The Conservative party
The Brexit Party
UKIP
Men's Rights Activists
Straight white men
INCELs
NRA members

Oh and in the group, we have all known each other for at least twenty years

It's possible that after 20 years this man has discovered that he really doesn't share your sense of humour.