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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cards against humanity - angry friend

418 replies

CareBear50 · 01/01/2020 22:20

Last night we had a bit of a get together with v close friends and family. There were about 5 or 6 of us. I had been given Cards Against Humanity for Christmas and decided to play a game of it.

I explained the premise of the game to everyone and explained how it worked. I said some might find it offensive (and gave some harsh examples) but just wanted to make sure everyone was ok about it before we played as I knew some people might not like it. I explained if they were uncomfortable it was perfectly fine to say no. No one objected.

Everyone played the game.

Anyway - I called in to my friends house earlier to say hi and he had a go at me four times, complaining that the game was not ok. On four separate occasions I told him that I had given him the opportunity to opt out, along with everyone else, and if he didn't want to play that was fine. In the end I told him you have no right to complain after the fact, if you say nothing when we were playing it or before we started, as I am not a mind-reader and in such a small group you could easily have aired your concerns.

This person is normally quite vocal and no shrinking violet.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 02/01/2020 09:30

"Christ, you should have heard some of the jokes when I worked for the emergency services!"

And every so often an ethos develops which means that certain groups of people are treated differently and in some cases, the death rate of those people goes up. Or unconscious women are used to practice giving internals (without consent) etc.

So generally there's still a lid kept on things.

Because I'm in Liverpool, the Hillsborough card made CAH impossible to play. It wasn't good enough that it could be taken out.

It took a while for some of the rape culture stuff and abuse towards women to be removed, but interestingly trans people (let's face it born males) were rejected as a topic, instantly.

The link which talked about this game as being created by white privileged men was spot on.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/01/2020 09:30

It's a horrible game and I wouldn't have agreed to play it in the first place but I wouldn't have played it and then bitched about it later, how silly of him!

i would have had no issue with the rest of you playing it though.

SpaghettiSharon · 02/01/2020 09:31

Argh!!! The “easily offended snowflake” quip does my bloody head in!

I hate CAH but I’m not an easily offended snowflake. Those of you using this term think you’re so edgy and cool - it’s hilarious.

SpaghettiSharon · 02/01/2020 09:33

@Ponoka7 that isn’t true about the trans cards - link earlier in the thread.

Thefaceofboe · 02/01/2020 09:33

I played with a group of friends once and said friend (who’s idea the game was as it was at her house) got offended by one of the cards I put down and stormed off. To another part of her house Hmm

I’d never even played the game before!

BlouseAndSkirt · 02/01/2020 09:33

Sounds about right, forkfun.

I think people need to be honest with themselves and ask, if they are not themselves black / Jewish / rape or abuse survivors, whether they would really be comfortable guffawing along sitting next to people they know are.

PhilSwagielka · 02/01/2020 09:35

YANBU. You did warn him and CAH is kind of notorious for being tasteless. If it bothered him that much he shouldn't have played it.

BlouseAndSkirt · 02/01/2020 09:36

The game is supposed to provoke. And it's done that here, hasn't it? Job done

Provoke what? To what purpose?

Stefoscope · 02/01/2020 09:37

I've never seen it in a shop and when i wanted to buy it, Amazon was unfortunately the easiest way to get it. That's my point, the creators don't want to deal with independent shops so people are forced to buy from them directly or Amazon, or download it for free. If other game creators follow this production model, board game shops and cafes will start to go out of business.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 02/01/2020 09:38

And I do wonder why the McCann's have not sued for their missing/dead daughter being in the 'game'.

On what grounds? It’s literally a card with a name on it. It makes no assumption on what has happened to her or any commentary on the situation or her parents’ behaviour (try saying that about some comedians). There’s no law against putting a name on a piece of paper.

SentimentalKiller · 02/01/2020 09:40

Interesting that they removed the trans card but are fine with racism, rape, paedophilia Hmm

LolaDarkdestroyer · 02/01/2020 09:43

Google the jade goody card and tell me you lot playing it aren't disturbed....I have a great sense of humour and tbh am a bit of a joker but this is next level...it's not about being a wet lettuce or clutching pearls it's about being a decent person. I have never found this shit funny you can shove the game off a cliff along with jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle.

GoldenKelpie · 02/01/2020 09:45

CareBear50 I had never heard of the game so watched the youtube example above. Doesn't sound like my cup of tea either but I would have gone with the majority had it been one of the options at our New Year's Eve games night. Had I not enjoyed it I would have felt confident enough to say "not for me, I'm out".

I am interested that your friend was so upset by the game you all played that he actually mentioned it a number of times the next day. Something seriously upset him if he kept going on about it. Perhaps a period of reflection should take place and then you can both have another, calmer chat about it.

It is unfortunate you did not ask him whether it was ok to play. Why did you not? Are you feeling a bit defensive because you realise that you should have asked him rather than his wife and that someone has now challenged you about your choices? Perfectly understandable.

Coming on here and asking "AIBU" has elicited a number of different responses. Whatever happens, you have both reacted perfectly reasonably, and I am sure you can both move on now and learn from it.

On our games night we just played harmless and daft team games, pictionary-type, charades, Yes/No and others I can't actually remember. There are lots of games out there that are extremely entertaining and funny because it is the players that make the game funny and enjoyable rather than relying on clever "woke" offensive phrases to provide so-called enjoyment.

AlbaAlba · 02/01/2020 09:49

@opinionatedfreak that's weird, my DM has dementia and kept winning too though she would have struggled with it in the old days. We wondered if it was due to the dementia that she won - lack of filters and caring little about the proprieties.

Brefugee · 02/01/2020 09:50

@BlouseAndSkirt provoke reaction/discussion. And that's what's happening here

@Stefoscope That's my point, the creators don't want to deal with independent shops so people are forced to buy from them directly or Amazon they are not obliged in any way to sell via any kind of shop. It was my fault that i "had" to get it from Amazon because i left it too late and my printer didn't work. We have bought expansion packs directly from the company.

I have friends who hate it, and friends who are "meh" about it and others who play it. We are a fairly mixed bunch, diversity wise, and the only card that anyone regularly rejects and says so is the Madeline McCann one.

ineedaholidaynow · 02/01/2020 09:50

Thing is even if you decide to sit out of the game, unless you sit in another room on your own, you are still going to hear your friends laughing about things that you find uncomfortable. So if he had been abused as a child, or maybe a relative had been raped, he might be very upset that friends of his are laughing at situations like that. That does not make him a wet lettuce. In fact I don’t think anyone who doesn’t like this game is a wet lettuce, you don’t need to have suffered any sort of trauma not to like it.

And whatever you think of the McCann parents their little girl suffered an awful fate, whether she was murdered or abducted, how can anyone laugh at that? Her twin siblings will now be teens. Can you imagine how awful it would be if a group of teenagers were playing this game and one of the twins were there, but the other players didn’t know their identity (I assume they don’t shout it from the rooftops). Would you still find that hilarious if the Madeleine McCann card was played?

JustDanceAddict · 02/01/2020 09:55

Ridiculous.
You explained it, he said fine and is now moaning about it. We’re you all sober as if drunk maybe he was more amenable but in cold light of day he’s thinking about it?
I’ve played it loads and my late teen uses it now.
Tbh there are only a handful of really shocking cards!

daydreambeleiver · 02/01/2020 09:55

Seems odd to me to object. It's a great game though quite uncomfortable at times playing with my (young adult) kids! We don't play at Christmas though as it's not something my mother would approve of!

MopsRUs · 02/01/2020 09:55

You’d have to live under a rock though to be unaware of it

Hmm
Mlou32 · 02/01/2020 09:56

Do you really want to remain friends with someone like this, OP?

daydreambeleiver · 02/01/2020 09:58

Ps it's a game greatly enhanced by a bottle of wine or two Grin

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 09:58

I wonder what the correlation is between people who are more than happy to play this game and their general views on diversity, equality etc.

A game designed by privileged white males to laugh at minority groups.

It would be easy to target certain groups who usually are the ones who aren't such targets - but I bet they would be outraged.

JustDanceAddict · 02/01/2020 10:03

Also it is a game you play with people you know very well and can take it for what it is - a Game. It was introduced to me by a gay friend, but I know there are some friends of mine who’d never be ok with it.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 02/01/2020 10:04

Don't know about any other shops, but they were selling it in John Lewis before Christmas.

GreytExpectations · 02/01/2020 10:04

Can I just confirm this correctly.... Those on this thread who do not like the game and find it offensive are moaning about being called "snowflakes" and "wet lettuce", meanwhile those same posters are judging those of us who enjoy the game as "sick," vile" and "mysogynistic" and we need to take a hard look at our morals? Seems very hypocritical of you all doesn't it...

I have this brilliant idea that I know Mumsnet struggles to understand: let people like what they like. If you don't like the game, don't play it. Simple.