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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cards against humanity - angry friend

418 replies

CareBear50 · 01/01/2020 22:20

Last night we had a bit of a get together with v close friends and family. There were about 5 or 6 of us. I had been given Cards Against Humanity for Christmas and decided to play a game of it.

I explained the premise of the game to everyone and explained how it worked. I said some might find it offensive (and gave some harsh examples) but just wanted to make sure everyone was ok about it before we played as I knew some people might not like it. I explained if they were uncomfortable it was perfectly fine to say no. No one objected.

Everyone played the game.

Anyway - I called in to my friends house earlier to say hi and he had a go at me four times, complaining that the game was not ok. On four separate occasions I told him that I had given him the opportunity to opt out, along with everyone else, and if he didn't want to play that was fine. In the end I told him you have no right to complain after the fact, if you say nothing when we were playing it or before we started, as I am not a mind-reader and in such a small group you could easily have aired your concerns.

This person is normally quite vocal and no shrinking violet.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PhilSwagielka · 02/01/2020 15:27

@chomalungma Yeah, I'm Jewish and I don't find Holocaust jokes funny. Apparently that makes me a snowflake according to some people on here.

GreytExpectations · 02/01/2020 15:29

*So if you were playing the game and someone said something with that card, would you say something?

Or keep your thoughts to yourself?*

Why would I say something? Someone else using the card doesn't offend me, I just don't think the card adds to the game in my opinion. I don't get offended at all by the game and like I've said I enjoy playing it.

ineedaholidaynow · 02/01/2020 15:30

I am not being goady, I genuinely don't understand how that can be funny, and I assume a number of cards are on a similar level to that.

I can't think of any context where that would be funny.

Interesting how you think I am being goady rather than just trying to find out how people can find something like that funny. As many PP on this thread have said the game is hilarious, I was hoping that one of them would be able to explain to me how that is hilarious.

TheGhostOfEpicPast · 02/01/2020 15:31

On that note, as this thread has definitely hit Peak Mumsnet, I think I will move on! Confused

To reiterate OP, YANBU, and your friend defo needs to learn how to accept outcome as the end result of action.

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 15:34

Why would I say something? Someone else using the card doesn't offend me, I just don't think the card adds to the game in my opinion. I don't get offended at all by the game and like I've said I enjoy playing it

So the card about Jade Goody crosses the line, but the holocaust, rape, paedophilia, school shootings, Madeleine Mcann, 9/11, Ebola, miscarriages, racism, child cancer, is ok?

Hmm
Dipsydoodle · 02/01/2020 15:35

It's more about the juxtaposition of the cards than the individual phrases being funny. 'White people' on its own isn't inherently funny, but paired with one of the statement cards can be. It depends on your sense of humour too. You don't find it funny and that's fine. I don't find Mrs Brown's Boys or the Big Bang Theory funny but some people must. I cry with laughter at The Thick of It and DH doesn't find it funny at all. I like Ricky Gervais, he hates him. That's just the way people work. You don't have to understand it 🤷🏻‍♀️

GreytExpectations · 02/01/2020 15:36

There's something a bit ironic about the fact that some of those who have been most 'offended' on this thread have they themselves been the most offensive by calling others names. Quite telling! I guess it's a case of do as I say, not as I do?

I've been saying this on this thread for ages. Apparently, a lot of posters on here can't get around the simple fact we all have different senses of humour and instead resort to quite awful insults.

*I can't think of any context where that would be funny.

Interesting how you think I am being goady rather than just trying to find out how people can find something like that funny. As many PP on this thread have said the game is hilarious, I was hoping that one of them would be able to explain to me how that is hilarious.*

@ineedaholidaynow Once again, different people have different senses of humour. I've already said, its the combination of various cards that is funny. JG card, in my opinion, is probably one of the worst in there and I don't actually think it adds anything of value to the game but others will find that dark sense of humour funny, whilst some wont. Why can't you just understand that everyone is different? You obviously don't find the game funny, so its not the kind of thing you will enjoy but that does not mean it isn't funny to other people. If you need a joke explained to you then the joke probably not for you. I do think you are being goady because you are so desperate for someone to outline a joke that you very obviously would be offended by.

Brefugee · 02/01/2020 15:38

For anyone who hasn't played the game and wants to know why X card is funny: the simple answer is that it isn't.

The humour (black humour, dark humour, sick humour - YMMV) is in the juxtaposition of the cards. The cards themselves aren't funny, amusing or anything. If anything most of them are banal or shocking because you don't often see something like "bukkake" written down.

Only one person selects the winner in each round, and yes - if i have seen something that i think crosses a line I'll call it. But unless it's the winning combination everyone will shrug and the game will continue.

Again - for many many people the fun of it is getting your mum to explain what bukkake is to your dad/gran/maiden aunt/younger sibling…

like other PP have said, OP i hope you can make up with your friend. CAH would be a daft thing to lose a friendship over.

GreytExpectations · 02/01/2020 15:39

So the card about Jade Goody crosses the line, but the holocaust, rape, paedophilia, school shootings, Madeleine Mcann, 9/11, Ebola, miscarriages, racism, child cancer, is ok?

I have a dark sense of humour, deal with it. I'm not sitting here and insulting you for having what I imagine is a boring sense of humour.
I never said Jade Goody crossed a line, did you even read my response? I actually said it does not offend me if someone else uses it, but i dont think it adds value to the game.

GreytExpectations · 02/01/2020 15:41

@Dipsydoodle and @Brefugee very well explained. Hopefully this gets through to all the posters who insist on insulting those who enjoy the game and claiming we support the various topics featured in it.

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 15:42

ave a dark sense of humour, deal with it. I'm not sitting here and insulting you for having what I imagine is a boring sense of humour

I am not insulting you. I don't see how someone can find the Holocaust funny. Even in the context of what it is juxtaposed with,

Oh - and my sense of humour is fine. As is my empathy with others. You seem to be a bit sensitive to what people think of you.

Shinnoo · 02/01/2020 15:44

I despair of humanity sometimes 🙄

GreytExpectations · 02/01/2020 15:45

I don't see how someone can find the Holocaust funny. Even in the context of what it is juxtaposed with,

This is what I mean, you are missing the point of the game. Of course, I don't find the Holocaust funny, most people who play the game don't find it funny. Its the juxtaposition with other statements that is the point of the game. Its obvious this isn't your style of humour so even explained i doubt you would get it.

You seem to be a bit sensitive to what people think of you.

Oh nice one. So i'm sensitive because i don't like being called a sick fuck?

tillytrotter1 · 02/01/2020 15:47

Christ my 80 odd year old grandmother has played this game

I'd never heard of it before this Christmas when we played, I'm 71 and my granddaughter learned a lot about me from it!!!

GreytExpectations · 02/01/2020 15:48

@chomalungma a you very clearly were being insulting by judging my sense of humourand suggesting I lack empathy. I'm not sensitive, i'm just mature enough to not judge other people for their opinions so I expect the same treatment back. Some of the posters who have similar opinions to you referred to people who play the game as "sick fucks" and "Vile", please explain why objecting to those insults makes me sensitive? Yet, when the term snowflake is mentioned people get all up in arms about it

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 15:49

Of course, I don't find the Holocaust funny, most people who play the game don't find it funny. Its the juxtaposition with other statements that is the point of the game

So when you put the Holocaust with other words, then it's hilarious Hmm

Oh nice one. So i'm sensitive because i don't like being called a sick fuck

What's the phrase - offense is never given, just taken? I am sure that's what Frankie Boyle would say.

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 15:50

a you very clearly were being insulting by judging my sense of humourand suggesting I lack empathy. I'm not sensitive, i'm just mature enough to not judge other people for their opinions so I expect the same treatment back

I massively judge people like you who clearly have fuck all empathy.

Oh - and you are being sensitive.

TheGhostOfEpicPast · 02/01/2020 15:55

Jesus Choma.

Why moan about offense and then become totally offensive torwards PP yourself? Confused

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 15:57

Why moan about offense and then become totally offensive torwards PP yourself

Maybe it's just my sense of humour?

Because everyone has a different sense of humour, don't they...

TheGhostOfEpicPast · 02/01/2020 15:57

Nah, I think it just makes you a hypocrite.

LolaSmiles · 02/01/2020 16:01

People's personal opinions of the game is neither here nor there.

The OP didn't ask for opinions on the game. She asked about her friend's reaction.

Swap the game. Group of people have had a few drinks and someone suggests twister for a laugh. They check multiple times everyone is fine to play, make doubly sure everyone is fine given drunken adults could fall and squash each other. OP gives examples of silly topples during drubken twister, including the time Andy had to go to minor injuries. Everyone plays the game. A day later one friend is cross because the OP should have known they wouldn't have enjoyed a game that invades personal space.

As an adult we are responsible for our choices. He didn't say anything at the time. Played the game and said nothing. The outburst after was unreasonable.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 02/01/2020 16:03

I'm not sitting here and insulting you for having what I imagine is a boring sense of humour

😂😂 No, not a single insult there at all...

ineedaholidaynow · 02/01/2020 16:04

I suppose what I am trying to work out is why is something funny if it is in a card game, but if someone said something similar but not in joke form, it would be deemed racist, sexist, offensive.

As I wrote earlier on in this thread I have older relative who still seems to live in the 70s and thinks that most racist/sexist comments are still fine, and people are snowflakes if they are offended by what they say.

So if that relative was playing CAH they could make up a phrase from the cards that they actually believe is perfectly ok to say in a normal situation. If you weren't playing CAH you would pull them up on it, but because you are playing CAH you would find it hilarious. Why?

chomalungma · 02/01/2020 16:12

Calling people 'snowflakes' is a great way of putting people down because they try to stand up to racism,. sexism, homophobia etc.

It wouldn't surprise me if many of the people who call others 'snowflakes' are more than happy with the racism and sexism that existed in the past (and now), and was common on TV and in the media.

I have my own opinions on people who call others 'snowflakes'. I know what I think of them - and yes, I do judge them

gingersausage · 02/01/2020 16:19

This thread gives a scary insight into people’s desperation to hang onto their vile prejudices that they somehow think are acceptable because they are dressed up as a “game”.