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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s acceptable to leave an 9yo girl at a party unsupervised

256 replies

Louise0701 · 01/01/2020 21:10

Sorry if this is a long post but wanted to include as much info as possible.
Back in October I booked a “pamper party” for my daughter and 10 friends. It’s drop - off only in a very reputable salon on a very busy high street with plenty of shops, coffee shops & restaurants.
It’s afternoon tea with a hairstyle, kids manicure and pedicure (nail painting) and games at the end.
All the mums were made aware it was drop off only when I sent out the invitations and everyone was fine with it. We all arranged to go to the restaurant over the road for a child free lunch whilst we waited for the girls. The party is for 2 hours and is this Saturday.
One of the mums who has been my friend for 5 years has texted me today saying she’s not happy about leaving her daughter with a stranger so she won’t be attending unless she can stay. I have forwarded her the email from the salon with all the party details where it states it’s drop off only. Her daughter is the oldest girl attending at 9.
As it’s only 3 days before the party I’m still going to be charged for her place. DD is gutted she isn’t going. Im annoyed that she’s known for 2 months and has only just told me today she’s not happy with the arrangement. She’s now said she will let her come and she will stand outside and watch through the window?
I can’t decide if I’m being petty and precious because DD has had a shitty year in and out of hospital and she’s really excited for this party?
So.... AIBU to think it’s fine to leave a 9 year old for 2 hours at a party?

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 02/01/2020 10:51

Wow! So the cf just wanted to have her younger dd included all along. Just tell her the younger dd is too young and more importantly, she's not invited.

redwoodmazza · 02/01/2020 11:14

Perhaps she can be the one who oversees the event, if the salon agree?

saraclara · 02/01/2020 11:45

I would definitely warn the owner about what your friend has in mind, and let her know NOT to succumb to including the four year old. I feel sorry for the little kid, obv, if mum makes her sit there. But it's just not on.

Bluetrews25 · 02/01/2020 12:47

On what planet is it ok to foist another child into a party where they have not been invited and not care that the host will have to pay a large extra amount if this happens? People set numbers based on capacity and budget for a reason!

Soundbyte · 02/01/2020 12:50

I would hope that she feels she can tell me if she’s feeling anxious or struggling with something

She has.

IdleBet · 02/01/2020 12:59

Hardfaced cow just wanted her 4 year old to be included.

It's not exactly soft play is it? Pamper parties can work out quite expensive.

Tell her no chance.

Original poster
Louise0701 · 02/01/2020 13:06

I’ve told her that DD2 can’t join in and while I’m happy for her to sit inside and watch the party with it, it would be unfair for her DD to have to sit and watch the girls.
She’s replied saying that’s fine but her eldest won’t be attending now either. I just said that’s fine. I’d rather be out of pocket than have a fuss on the day.
Thanks for all your replies.

OP posts:
happycamper11 · 02/01/2020 13:10

I'm on the relaxed side of parenting but tbh I'd be surprised at the organising adult going away and leaving a group on 9 year olds with virtual strangers. I'd be fine dropping and leaving if a parent is there though

Sharkyfan · 02/01/2020 13:36

Hmm so now it turns into a CF wanting-a-sibling-to-be-included thread!
Very confusing as how would that have worked with the 4yo when she said she would watch through the window

IdleBet · 02/01/2020 13:40

She’s replied saying that’s fine but her eldest won’t be attending now either. I just said that’s fine.

Good answer. Don't give in to cheeky fuckery blackmail.

OverByYer · 02/01/2020 13:49

What a CF!

CoraPirbright · 02/01/2020 14:04

I’d rather be out of pocket than have a fuss on the day

Was that just a comment on here or did you include that in your reply? If you did include it then bravo! This CF needs to have it made clear that she is behaving like a bollocks.

CoraPirbright · 02/01/2020 14:07

I would also be kicking this ‘friend’ into touch. Her behaviour is very poor and either a) she doesn't realise or b) she knows full well and doesn't care. Either way, she’s a bitch.

CottonSock · 02/01/2020 14:11

I was going to reply and say is prefer a parent there, but would probably just let it go if dd happy.
However, inviting a 4yo is very cheeky of her indeed.

memberofseven · 02/01/2020 14:24

I'm confused. Are you not staying? Of course 9 is fine for a drop off party but I have never known a party where at least one parent doesn't stay as well. I stayed at my dd's recent 11th birthday.

memberofseven · 02/01/2020 14:25

Ps I wouldn't leave a 9 year old on their own in the hairdressers either. It's the same thing.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 02/01/2020 14:31

Wow. Well done OP for being so calm. Friend seems like she was chancing her arm with her 4yo. DD is 9yo and DS is 4yo. DD couldn't think of anything worse than a kid DS's age crashing her birthday party.

CF (cheeky friend) should drop her DD at the party and head home to do nails and makeup with her 4yo Grin

EffYouSeeKaye · 02/01/2020 14:39

Oh! She is being unreasonable then. Good grief. She sounds spiteful as well, not letting her older dd go either.

Yetanotherwinter · 02/01/2020 14:48

Most mums would jump at the chance of a couple of child free hours!

Original poster
Louise0701 · 02/01/2020 14:51

That’s exactly what I thought. I think she was hoping they’d ask them in?

OP posts:
Original poster
Louise0701 · 02/01/2020 14:53

The other mums have all said this!

Yes I did make the comment about rather being out of pocket. The whole things really annoyed me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Louise0701 · 02/01/2020 14:53

@memberofseven yes I’m staying

OP posts:
poppycity · 02/01/2020 14:53

While I wouldn't make the same decision as the Mum (and would happily enjoy a couple hours child free after a long Christmas holiday) I can understand that there are many people who for many reasons may be anxious about it. I'm also surprised that the salon doesn't insist a parent stays, I've never heard of a no parent policy before - obviously they can't all come, but I'm surprised. Definitely ask the salon for an exception, or text the Mum once she's seen the girls are okay to come and join you and say we can pop back every 15 minutes to check on children etc.

I know someone who was assaulted at a children's party so you just never know what someone is worried about or has experienced.

Dandelion1993 · 02/01/2020 15:01

Don't change your plans and stay. They'll be fine and the other mum is being precious.

Barbie222 · 02/01/2020 15:08

Are you sure you have this right? I'm not sure the salon are in the clear to do this legally unless they are all crb checked and first aid trained etc. There are so many hoops to jump through that it's not viable for most businesses. I've never heard of this and would brace yourself for them wanting you to stay on the day - you might have to forgo your lunch and perhaps attend your daughters party to help celebrate with her

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