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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s acceptable to leave an 9yo girl at a party unsupervised

256 replies

Louise0701 · 01/01/2020 21:10

Sorry if this is a long post but wanted to include as much info as possible.
Back in October I booked a “pamper party” for my daughter and 10 friends. It’s drop - off only in a very reputable salon on a very busy high street with plenty of shops, coffee shops & restaurants.
It’s afternoon tea with a hairstyle, kids manicure and pedicure (nail painting) and games at the end.
All the mums were made aware it was drop off only when I sent out the invitations and everyone was fine with it. We all arranged to go to the restaurant over the road for a child free lunch whilst we waited for the girls. The party is for 2 hours and is this Saturday.
One of the mums who has been my friend for 5 years has texted me today saying she’s not happy about leaving her daughter with a stranger so she won’t be attending unless she can stay. I have forwarded her the email from the salon with all the party details where it states it’s drop off only. Her daughter is the oldest girl attending at 9.
As it’s only 3 days before the party I’m still going to be charged for her place. DD is gutted she isn’t going. Im annoyed that she’s known for 2 months and has only just told me today she’s not happy with the arrangement. She’s now said she will let her come and she will stand outside and watch through the window?
I can’t decide if I’m being petty and precious because DD has had a shitty year in and out of hospital and she’s really excited for this party?
So.... AIBU to think it’s fine to leave a 9 year old for 2 hours at a party?

OP posts:
Sharkyfan · 02/01/2020 08:47

And I think if the salon was really ok with doing the party with no adult staying I would think they haven’t done many parties! 😂

OlaEliza · 02/01/2020 09:09

She’s now said she will let her come and she will stand outside and watch through the window?

What a fucking crank. I feel sorry for that kid.

everythingthelighttouches · 02/01/2020 09:13

OP when you say you’ve been talking about the lunch for ages, who is going to the lunch? All parents??

So it’s a drop off but all the parents have to go to lunch together over the road?

This kind of defeats the point of the drop off to me!

Anyway, if not all parents are going to the lunch, they may be less involved/paying attention to that part and still assumed a parent would be staying with the girls.

everythingthelighttouches · 02/01/2020 09:18

I would also assume drop off meant the party mum/dad would still be there.

In addition, the business usually provides services for adults, not children. I expect they would have less experience of dealing with groups of children than venues which are designed for children.

Original poster
Louise0701 · 02/01/2020 09:18

Well I’ve spoken to the owner this morning; absolutely fine for me to stay so that’s my error.
However; rang my friend to tell her and she said she still wants to stay. I said okay that’s fine, can I ask what’s making you uncomfortable? She said she wants to be in the salon as she’s got her younger daughter with her (age 4) and if she’s sat inside they will probably let her join in??
I said sorry but they state the parties are for 7+ only. There are plenty of things for her to do on that street and I don’t think it’s very fair to put that on the staff.
Not sure where to go with it from here? I’ve asked the owner the questions my friend had and I’ve told her I’ll stay, I’m not sure what else I can do?

OP posts:
Glitterfisher · 02/01/2020 09:24

Just tell her absolutely no the 4 yo cant join in and that you will be there to supervise. If she wants to stay (and is allowed by the salon) it would have to be without the youngest surely. I think she is being ridiculous and anyway, it's not actually your shout, the salon set the rules so surely it makes it easy for you.

I think your friend is being really cheeky actually!

doldrums13 · 02/01/2020 09:25

I'd give her up as a lost cause. What a cf!

dontknowdontknow · 02/01/2020 09:26

No it's not unreasonable - how on earth is she to know if there's childcare in place - they are children. I think you are being very unreasonable letting 9 year olds alone and going off for lunch.

Thehop · 02/01/2020 09:28

I would want a known adult supervising.

Verily1 · 02/01/2020 09:29

Maybe there’s a custody dispute and she’s worried about an ex seeing her and taking her?

Original poster
Louise0701 · 02/01/2020 09:34

The mum is my friend. Our DDs are friends through our friendship, not the other way round. No custody issues or anything like that. I think it’s to do with her youngest staying now and this has been the issue all along. I’ve just said she can stay without DD2 or not stay, her choice.

OP posts:
PennyGold · 02/01/2020 09:38

She's really rude! I can't believe the cheek.
I'd have been a little upset if someone's four-year old sister was crashing my birthday, huge age gap.
You've been more than understanding, and have given her two acceptable options, if she doesn't come she's in the wrong.

Lllot5 · 02/01/2020 09:42

Oh so the issue is that her four year old wants to join in? I think you have to be really clear and say no strictly 7+. Can’t just muscle in in a party.

CoraPirbright · 02/01/2020 09:44

Aah so it all comes out now! It has much less to do with leaving her nine year old alone (with adults - does she think the beauticians are going to abduct her dd or something? Hmm) when you are metres away with your phones and more to do with letting her 4 year old join in!!

I would send her a final message “ok here’s the deal for the party - I will stay in the waiting area to be on hand if you are nervous about leaving your dd with other adults. Sadly your 4 year old is too young to be included in (dd’s name)’s party. Are you ok with that or do you want to pull out?”. Then I would withdraw a bit from the friendship with this pita!

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/01/2020 09:48

Ah so she’s a cheeky fucker. I wouldn’t have been ok to drop off at 9 with no familiar adult though. I don’t see what you can do beyond what you’ve said.

Original poster
Louise0701 · 02/01/2020 09:51

Your last sentence is exactly what DH has said this morning.

OP posts:
everythingthelighttouches · 02/01/2020 09:52

Ok, we’ll you've sorted it out and are staying.

The friend is now being ridiculous. Just say “no, the salon won’t allow that” to the question of whether the four year old can come.

Waveysnail · 02/01/2020 09:56

There was me thinking perhaps the child had developed anxiety or was struggling. But turns out the mum is just a cf

everythingthelighttouches · 02/01/2020 09:57

corapirbright’s message is perfect

LolaSmiles · 02/01/2020 10:12

That suddenly makes sense. She wants to tag on her other child onto the party. How rude of her.

Oblomov20 · 02/01/2020 10:33

Just say 'sorry to hear that' then.
Over anxious mother.

Oblomov20 · 02/01/2020 10:35

Don't succumb to her though. If you want to stay that's fine, or rather if the salon want you to.
But if she's not prepared to drop her 9 year old, and leave her dd with you. Then she's not the sort of woman who should be pandered to.

ClairesKimono · 02/01/2020 10:36

A 'pamper party'? Shock

Anoisagusaris · 02/01/2020 10:37

What a cheek!

I wouldn’t even say anything about the 4 year old being too young, just that the salon will only be including the invited children.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 02/01/2020 10:44

Make sure the salon know not to fall for the puppy dog eyes that will inevitably come with dropping off the 9 year old.

So if she can't stay, her intention was to stand outside the window with a 4 year old (who she has probably told she can join in) looking in dolefully.

What a peach 🙄