Eating only until tummy is full bollocks

[pjmask]

It's all gone too far. Lunch with dsis, bil and their kids in a local restaurant. Their DC order meals that are clearly going to be far too much just from the description. Before they have even started dsis is reminding them they don't have to eat all of it, or even any of it, just until their tummy tells them they are full.

They eat a very small amount of the most unhealthy, nutritionally void part of the meal then announce they are full. Fine. Then they order puddings five minutes later. I will not let my dc order puddings as they have also not finished their meals parroting "tummy says no" nonsense. I suggest we pop to the supermarket on the way home and get ice cream to enjoy later when tummy is not so full instead of wasting money and food buying puddings for four full children. Get told by bil in a rather patronising way that "in our house we choose not to battle over food"

A. What a total dick he is
B. Telling a child who is full to wait a couple of hours before pudding is not having a "battle" over food
C. They are sadly not the only people I've encountered recently who have over-embraced this mantra. For the record my eldest is 22 and I've never been a "clear your plate" sort of parent. The days of great aunt gertie holding your nose and forcing liver and onions in your mouth are hopefully gone! But there is a balance to be had surely, in teaching children not to overload their plates, over-order and simply to appreciate food (especially meat) and how easily available it is?

Aibu?

@Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow

Same here. Far less ‘food battles’ if there are clear, simple rules.

My daughter is 5 and orders from the “grown up” menu. Who cares. It’s food.

Children are actually really good at regulating their own food if they are allowed to do so - they do not end up eating 98% sugar!!

Yeah that will be why the kids ate 3 chips + pudding.

Most children are not allowed to make their own choices around food which is why they don't learn to self-regulate. That is why 'most children will make crappy choices' given the chance!

@tatiana - food is regulated over a week for example rather than one meal. They may have eaten 3 chips and pudding for that meal but then ate protein and fruit later or the next day.

Most children are not allowed to make their own choices around food which is why they don't learn to self-regulate. That is why 'most children will make crappy choices' given the chance!

Bollocks. My niece and nephew are a classic example of self regulating kids! Choosing chips and an ice cream sundae and leaving a halloumi burger and salad. No brainer for majority of kids?!

What I'd be happy with would be to tell the children that they order exactly what they want to eat (including portions), and to eat a reasonable amount of it, or no dessert.

7 and 9 are a tad too old to get into food battles, I'd say. In particular the 9 year old. I expected them to be 3 or 4.

don't think you should have got involved with how they parent their children

Other way round surely? I tell my dc we'll have pudding at home later and bil tells me in their house they choose not to battle over food

Reading it has just irritated me. I get the whole "dont make food a battle" but to tell the kids as the food arrives "you dont need to eat any of it" is just bonkers, what a ridiculous waste of food and money. If you go to a restaurant as a treat and pick something off the menu the expectation is that you will at least eat a good portion of it. If they started eating and part way through they said they were full and you say "that's fine" it's a bit different to saying "you dont need to eat anything" as its put on the table.
I try to encourage my children to eat a bit of all the different components on the plate rather than just the chips for instance. So if they get full they still have eaten half of the meal but at least a variety.

Not your kids. Not your business.

Why do you care so much?

YANBU OP

Children do not have to eat everything on their plates, but I don’t believe they should have free reign gong the menu to over-order either.
I hate wasted food. At home it’s jut a problem because left overs can be reheated or made into something else, but at a restaurant it will certainly all be thrown away.

however, this is Mumsnet, where everyone will accuse you of having food issues if you ever consider having some boundaries at mealtimes. I got accused of ‘starving’ my child on a thread once, for giving him a smaller portion of dinner at home after he had had dinner at nursery.

Just another thought, but does no one take home left overs any more? I mean, I do my best to inhale her remains but once I hit that wall I simply ask for a take away container if theres a sizeable amount left.

@pjmask - sorry I don't understand what you mean? What is a 'no-brainer' for most kids.

I think I read the OP wrong - I thought you suggested the other children didn't have dessert? But was it they suggested your children should have dessert? Then, yes they shouldn't have interfered with your parenting.

Can I just say as a child we had to eat what was there, very very very few treats, even a banana was a treat, when I turned 16 and was earning my own money all I ever done was binge on crap.

@EmmiJay - we take leftovers home too.

@Karenisbaren - another example of a lack of balance by parents.

And what does he do when he takes his kids to someone’s else’s for lunch or dinner? Are they allowed to pick a bit and then get a pudding?

In my experience the 'allow them to graze and their inner dietician will direct them to health' theory just doesn't work in the actual world, I'm sorry. I read the books, I tried. Most kids need guidance, balance, boundaries and coaching, they're not great with impulse control.

My parents were quite strict about food because they remembered the war. But I never ‘binged on crap’ as a result as I don’t like bingeing and I don’t like crap food. I don’t think you blame parents for that.

YANBU at all, pjmask

Did nobody read the OP where the children are allowed to just not even touch their main course, that they have ordered, that will need to be paid for?

Would you let your children order something and tell them 'you dont' actually have to eat any of it if you don't want'? Would you order a meal that you had no intention of eating whatsoever?

I hate waste.
When my dc were 7 and 9, we helped them think about what they wanted off the menu. Absolute nonsense to tell children they can order whatever they want but just waste it.

Most kids need guidance, balance, boundaries and coaching, they're not great with impulse control.

Yes. Otherwise ‘kid in candy shop’ would not be a thing.

To be fair, pudding goes in a totally different stomach. That's a scientific fact

Ah, now this makes sense.

"Pick a bit and then eat pudding." Yup a lot of meals at other peoples places are like that when kids are young.

What I find strange is that dessert is an automatic inclusion with a meal. Can’t kids just have a main meal anymore? Why the constant sugar?

pjmask - your BIL was being passive aggressive. This is what's riled you, and that's fair enough. Not a big fan of the PA bullshit myself.