Eating only until tummy is full bollocks

[pjmask]

It's all gone too far. Lunch with dsis, bil and their kids in a local restaurant. Their DC order meals that are clearly going to be far too much just from the description. Before they have even started dsis is reminding them they don't have to eat all of it, or even any of it, just until their tummy tells them they are full.

They eat a very small amount of the most unhealthy, nutritionally void part of the meal then announce they are full. Fine. Then they order puddings five minutes later. I will not let my dc order puddings as they have also not finished their meals parroting "tummy says no" nonsense. I suggest we pop to the supermarket on the way home and get ice cream to enjoy later when tummy is not so full instead of wasting money and food buying puddings for four full children. Get told by bil in a rather patronising way that "in our house we choose not to battle over food"

A. What a total dick he is
B. Telling a child who is full to wait a couple of hours before pudding is not having a "battle" over food
C. They are sadly not the only people I've encountered recently who have over-embraced this mantra. For the record my eldest is 22 and I've never been a "clear your plate" sort of parent. The days of great aunt gertie holding your nose and forcing liver and onions in your mouth are hopefully gone! But there is a balance to be had surely, in teaching children not to overload their plates, over-order and simply to appreciate food (especially meat) and how easily available it is?

Aibu?

I would do this with mine in an attempt to stop dd1 over eating.
Dd2 is the textbook eats what she needs when hungry & naturally makes healthy choices so far....
I would make them eat some veg though.

MoltoAgitato no fruit or yoghurt.....so I can have chocolate ice cream then mum?

You're being pushy, OP. BIL pushed back. You deserve each other

I hate food waste so it would all upset me. My relatives eat like this routinely (sigh). But I don't see my relatives enough so would rather keep the peace when I do see them.

The only thing you will achieve by trying to control DCs eating habits is to risk contributing to food related problems, be it overeating, comfort eating or eating disorders. YABVU and judgey of someone who is trying to deal with their really complex issue in the right way.

xpost on the bill splitting.. ok, it would NOT be pushy to firmly negotiate a different way to split the bill.

To be fair, pudding goes in a totally different stomach

There is such a thing as dessert stomach btw. Mine was in action this evening

Why didn't you say that you weren't going to split 50/50 as your kids didn't eat dessert?

I'm with you OP, if having lunch / dinner at a restaurant then I always try to ensure my dc have a good appetite and eat most of the main course (that they decide on, no forcing them to eat things they don't like) before I'd consider buying dessert. I'll be fucked if I'm taking children out to eat who are not hungry / waste food, then reward them with a sweet when "tummy is full". Even the saying makes me want to vomit in my own mouth.

I wouldn't have minded letting the kids just order puddings. Why not, it's only once in a while? What I object to is the entirely foreseeable, and encouraged waste** of both money and food. And for posters telling me I'm self righteous, how does using the phrase "in our house we choose not to battle over food" sound, if not self righteous?!

That would wind me up too because you are choosing to order less. I would have said something about the bill, "Can you take the puddings off and let me know how much our half is?"

Might make them appreciate the waste a bit more.

To add insult to injury dsis split the bill 50/50

That’s only possible if you agree. Either refuse and the whole meal becomes a non issue or agree and then the issue is with you for not standing up to them and refusing to split the bill. 🤷🏻‍♀️

When I take my DC to a restaurant the focus is on how much fun they're having rather than what they're eating. There would definitely be desert!

Maybe they craved something sweet rather than savoury?? I refuse to fight with DD over food. I let her choose what she wants in restaurants because its a treat and I know she'll pick at any left overs whilst we finish eating.

YADNBU they are shit parents. It's even more important during holidays and times of unusual routines to instill normal rules...but hey you should know from MN shit parents breed shit adults....

Your problem is with the 50:50 split which you went along with, it has nothing to do with what other people did or did not eat or what they should have been forced to eat. 50:50 split is entirely unfair when there was one of you and six of them.

how does using the phrase "in our house we choose not to battle over food" sound, if not self righteous?!

I honestly can't get worked up over it.

One if my DC sees a dietician and the very first piece of advice during our first appointment was "don't make mealtimes a battle".

The dietician also said that the main meal of the day should be two courses with no conditions attached to the second course, no insisting on finishing this or that, and no comment on how much was eaten or left.

Next time either don't go out to eat with them or insist on separate bills.

how does using the phrase "in our house we choose not to battle over food" sound, if not self righteous?!

It does. I'd probably not bother explaining how things were done in my house as it would be obvious as soon as I asked the DC what they wanted for pudding!

YADNBU

Children shouldn't be forced to clear their plate, but if they put food on their plate and don't eat it because they claim to be full, then pudding shouldn't be an option. You're either full or you're not.

The exception to this would be where a restaurant serves a massively oversized main course, a reasonable amount of which has been eaten. Not where there has only been a cursory nibble.

@EmmiJay why is it when it's food it's termed as a "fight"? If I tell my dd it's time for bed as that's what food for her nobody tells me that in their house they "refuse to get into fights" about bedtime. They just accept its parents choice!

We never order desserts in restaurants because they are usually frozen bought in shite even if the meal is freshly cooked.... and I think the car trip home is a nice break yo let dinner go down and see if you never want a pudding

You sound bizarrely angry about this, OP!

Considering how many kids are obese these days and how stupidly big portion sizes have got, I think your DB's approach is the healthiest one. His kids eat what they want, how much they want and they don't have pudding withheld as a punishment for not daring to clear their plate, which is exactly what you did with yours. Who cares if DB's kids didn't eat the veg part of their meal? You were out for dinner, it was a treat! I don't see why you're so spitting mad about it. And if you didn't like the way the bill was split, why not speak up at the time?

HoHoHoik - presumably your kid is seeing a dietitian for a reason ?

I'm with your BIL on stopping when full - as a generation raised by post-war baby boomers I think we were all brought up to clear plates and it was damaging. I still struggle to leave stuff on my plate. I try to deal with it by having smaller portions in the first place, or asking for the remainder of my meal to take home.

But I'm with you on the pudding issue. If too full for the rest of the meal, then it makes much better sense to postpone pudding until later (and much cheaper too).

I also agree with you about it not being fair to split the bill 50/50 in this scenario.

TBH it sounds like there is a lot of emotion around this, and I would just avoid eating out with them in future.

@pjmask Because with 'my' DD it actually is a fight. She's autistic and at a stage where everything is an argument.