Eating only until tummy is full bollocks

[pjmask]

It's all gone too far. Lunch with dsis, bil and their kids in a local restaurant. Their DC order meals that are clearly going to be far too much just from the description. Before they have even started dsis is reminding them they don't have to eat all of it, or even any of it, just until their tummy tells them they are full.

They eat a very small amount of the most unhealthy, nutritionally void part of the meal then announce they are full. Fine. Then they order puddings five minutes later. I will not let my dc order puddings as they have also not finished their meals parroting "tummy says no" nonsense. I suggest we pop to the supermarket on the way home and get ice cream to enjoy later when tummy is not so full instead of wasting money and food buying puddings for four full children. Get told by bil in a rather patronising way that "in our house we choose not to battle over food"

A. What a total dick he is
B. Telling a child who is full to wait a couple of hours before pudding is not having a "battle" over food
C. They are sadly not the only people I've encountered recently who have over-embraced this mantra. For the record my eldest is 22 and I've never been a "clear your plate" sort of parent. The days of great aunt gertie holding your nose and forcing liver and onions in your mouth are hopefully gone! But there is a balance to be had surely, in teaching children not to overload their plates, over-order and simply to appreciate food (especially meat) and how easily available it is?

Aibu?

Agree with the Op. Most of the “tummy full” thing us because they are distracted and chatting and get bored of eating. And then the prospect of a nice pudding comes along and they realise they still have room.

Nothing wrong with saying you’ll get ice creams later rather than overpriced restaurant dessert.

We never order pudding out. I order something I will like as a main course and eat most of it as I’ve normally made sure I’m hungry. Never fancy a pudding after. I’m not very sweet toothed thought. But even my DC who are now teens don’t. When they were little they sometimes had some ice cream but usually were full.

....? Good for you?

And BIL came across as patronising - but maybe you were giving off cat's bum face vibes and killing the atmosphere of the meal out?
@mathanxiety just read this out to DH and apparently this is exactly what I was doing My bad, although in my defence it's hard to get across how very earnestly patronising bil can be if you haven't met him in person

batshit OP - and that's how kids end up with eating phobias and weight problems

I agree with you OP, with what you are thinking, but do not understand the anger

I would have split the bill differently

Also I do not care how any of my friends or family feed their kids. Why do YOU care? Why the anger?

Just don’t eat out with them.

I think it's worth knowing a bit more about their home habits and the children themselves.
Is it possible that the parents have to preempt food related tantrums?

If there are no issues at all, I'll agree with you that they are unreasonable, but until you walk in someone else's shoes, and all that...

Also sorry if I didn't make it clear, it was DH and I and our dc, plus dsis, bil and two dc. So it would be normal to just split bill, it was just irritating to pay for so much food to be thrown away

@dipsydoodle I will forever use my pudding stomache as an excuse to eat pudding

YANBU

I hate wasted food and it sounds like their kids are allowed to waste food all the time.

But if you have kids who generally know they can’t get away with only eating chips, and will try new things etc, I don’t think it’s a problem as a one off to let them indulge in dessert even if they haven’t finished. There’s definitely a balance.

I say to mine that it doesn’t matter if they like it or not, it’s still good food and nutritious. I can’t stand fussy eaters - sorry!

@Snowy111 they should have just ordered them a plate of chips. They would have if they weren't so desperate not to have any food restrictions or have any "battles"

Sounds like you and your sisters attitude to food was messed up by your own parents, and you are both trying hard not to repeat the same mistake... but are going about it a different way

YABU . I have 2 kids, one a fussy eater, one not. Both brought up in exactly the same way. Both a healthy weight. I've learnt to pick my battles. We don't often eat out. When we do I'm not going to argue over a few chips or a half eaten dinner and definitely not going to pick a battle when we're eating out with others.
We rarely have pudding at home so it's not used as a reward or punishment. However, when we're out I'm going to give my children pudding whether they've eaten their dinner or not. At the end of the day, it's usually all stodge anyway.
I think you are massively judging a situation. You stick to what works with your kids and let others decide what works with theirs.

Sounds very wasteful. I wouldn’t order dessert for my DC if they hadn’t eaten most or all of their main course. If they were eating from a children’s menu, they normally did eat enough and the dessert would be small anyway. Now they are teens, they rarely order dessert as main course will satisfy them. YANBU imo.

Children shouldn't be forced to clear their plate, but if they put food on their plate and don't eat it because they claim to be full, then pudding shouldn't be an option. You're either full or you're not.

Yes to this.

Given I'm someone who, if I was one of those fortunate people who never gained weight, would live on doughnuts and cheesecake, I can't help thinking that most children would make crappy choices right along with me. Nearly every child I've ever met would.

@TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead hadn't thought of the connection! Will have a think about childhood mealtimes now 🤔

It seems a waste, but unless they ordered a lot more than everyone else or hugely more expensive options, it shouldn't matter to you whether they ate it or not. It's more for the parents to worry about the waste, particularly as they'd have to feed them later.

How many DC do you have?

YANBU.

Kids need taught how to eat healthily - otherwise they will just eat rubbish. It's my responsibility to offer my kids healthy food and encourage them to eat it. And they don't get to fill up on crap as an alternative to a balanced meal.

is tummy full or isn't it? if tummy is full, why then shove a desert in to full tummy? that isn't 'choosing not to battle over food' that's bullshit. YANBU at all.

We both had two dc with us. Their dc ordered from the "grown up" menu even though they are only 7 and 9. The descriptions made it clear they'd be enormous but they wanted to order from that menu because they could. They are good kids with strong boundaries in other areas but my dsis and bil are almost fanatical about the "no battles about food" mantra. To the point I think the emphasis on it makes it more of an issue. My personal opinion and not largely agreed with here

Could they have just wanted to enjoy a meal out and let their children order what they wanted with the intention of everyone having a pleasant afternoon?

I’m a bit dull and say no pudding unless they have had a good crack at the main. I don’t think you sound unreasonable. You sound old fashioned - and I happen to agree

My kids are all good eaters and I do think a few simple rules help around mealtimes. I will happily send them to bed hungry if they don’t eat what is on offer.

I hear ya OP. Would have annoyed me too.

BIL apparently avoids food battles by letting them eat shit and throwing food away. (I would have to age said something, personally).

*have not age.

I don't think you should have got involved with how they parent their children. I've also never witheld dessert based on what was eaten beforehand. And it's common to order dessert when at a restaurant for the enjoyment rather than nutrition reasons! I don't think it was really the children's fault the meals were so big. It was probably why the mother reminded the children they didn't need to eat it all when she saw how enormous it was. Children are actually really good at regulating their own food if they are allowed to do so - they do not end up eating 98% sugar!!

I have friends who do this....let their 4 kids order whatever knowing they will only pick at a few chips

We stopped splitting the bill very quickly once I realised they also ordered soft drinks and (mostly uneaten) ice creams too