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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil makes dh his tea

175 replies

legolegolegolego · 01/01/2020 20:32

Looking for some opinions on this and whether it’s a bit...well...weird or not! DH works shifts, finishing at 8pm. He’s in the habit of stopping by his mums on the way home from work where she gives him his tea. He then brings it home with him. Many times I’ve plated up a dinner for dh and he’s eaten his mums instead. Today I cooked a roast dinner (dc and I ate earlier) it was all plated ready and again he’s come home with a big plate of food from his mums. Aibu to feel like I needn’t have bothered? Should I be happy that she’s cooking his tea and I don’t have to? It just feels odd to me and I cant imagine going to my mums everyday for my tea at my age!

OP posts:
Shmithecat2 · 02/01/2020 23:47

He puts sly posts on FB, he's a lazy father and fucking horrid to your children, and now this? Why are you still with him? Hmm

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/01/2020 23:49

Because dozens have said it because he’s a mummy so boy, I am going to propose a possible different reason. Maybe you are a terrible cook.

Doman · 02/01/2020 23:55

Oh do fuck off @planderaccordement.

Stop cooking for this ungrateful child. He's an adult and can cook for himself. When did he last cook for you?

If he persists, send him home to Mumsie for good.

LadyLightning · 03/01/2020 00:13

He then had a massive strop over how I hadn’t made him food and how tiny the burgers were even though he wouldn’t wait for the chips and sides etc. The night after that was when he came home with food from his mums as I had “forced” him to ask his mum to feed him as I wouldn’t feed him

The problem is your DH, not MIL. She is playing into it, sure, but he started it. What the hell is he thinking? Is your marriage good generally?

Sparklesocks · 03/01/2020 00:14

@PlanDeRaccordement that’s a very rude thing to say

glittercats · 03/01/2020 00:18

Well this is obviously beyond ridiculous on so many levels, but then, the OP knew that already.

Am I the only one whose skin crawls at the expression “plating up?”

I just couldn’t be doing with any of this.

ineedaholidaynow · 03/01/2020 00:19

Smithecat2 I was wondering the same thing too.

Shmithecat2 · 03/01/2020 00:21

@ineedaholidaynow it's beyond me. A few years back, I temporarily separated from DH for less.

CoupeCourte · 03/01/2020 03:02

MIL's not saying you can't feed her son - DH is saying it. He's the problem here. He threw a tantrum about a smaller-than-ideal burger and has gone and whinged to her about you and is now deliberately bringing home this plated up food because he knows it bothers you and this way he gets to be a dramatic martyr.

Stop reacting and don't whatever you do talk to MIL about it. You're a grown woman in a relationship with a grown man—sort it out with him, don't let him create a dramatic triangle with him as the victim, her the rescuer and you the aggressor. You've done nothing wrong.

Tell him once and for all that he's being ridiculously petty and you don't like it. If he continues after that, stop cooking for him and ignore him completely when he comes home with mummy's dinner, don't comment, don't react. Less work for you and it deprives him of the reaction he wants so he'll either get bored or try to engage you on the topic - and then you hold your ground.

Katzia · 03/01/2020 03:55

@glittercats totally with you on that. Hate the whole " plating up" food thing. Urgh!

Loveislandaddict · 03/01/2020 07:16

That’s a good point, why does he bring it home to eat?

Minxmumma · 03/01/2020 07:27

I suggest you tell him if he is that keen on being with Mummy dearest he bloody stay there . She can wash his socks and sort him out as she really can't let go. And he is using her to undermine you.

Return her plates and tell her as well.
Very weird and if it was me I would have done my pieces by now.

Frouby · 03/01/2020 07:35

If my dh didn't come straight home fron work most nights when he doesn't finish until 8pm I would be pretty pissed off. The fact that he comes home with food is irrelevant. It's the fact that he doesn't come straight home to his wife and child.

Do you work OP? If so start doing the same. Call at family or friends and leave dh sat with the dcs while you eat there, or walk in with a chippy tea for you, or a plate of food from somewhere. Even a readymeal. Even if you don't work do it next time you nip out.

RibenaMonsoon · 03/01/2020 07:37

Crikey. If DH ever pulled that stunt his mother would pack him off home and tell him to grow up and make his own dinner.

You have a DH problem but there's not much you can do while MIL is enabling.

Agree with other posters and would threaten to send him packing back to mummy dearest.

CheshireDing · 03/01/2020 07:44

Thought it was just me who hated ‘plating up’ Grin

OP he is pathetic, I hope you’re having strong words

Beachcomber · 03/01/2020 09:07

Of course it's weird. And very very unpleasant.

You will get nowhere with this pathetic manchild. He thinks domestic chores are wifework and if you are not being the perfect wifebot then he will sulk and have to get another woman to service him because otherwise he will........have to do it himself like a proper grown up. Men like this are not only very selfish and immature, they are also deeply misogynistic.

If he is enough of a dick to behave like this over food, it's seems likely that he is a dick about a whole lot of things.

My advice would be to leave him. It's that or submit to him.

Good luck.

GabriellaMontez · 03/01/2020 09:14

How long has this been going on? And what have you said?

You realise you have a dh problem? Not a MIL problem.

Original poster
legolegolegolego · 03/01/2020 16:52

PlanDeRaccordement Definitely not a terrible cook. Mil’s meals consist of frozen fish fingers/waffles/turkey dinosaurs and spaghetti hoops 🙈

OP posts:
everythingbackbutyou · 03/01/2020 17:52

Turkey dinosaurs?! Crown Grin. It seems the phrase mummy's boy is entirely apt!! This part is hilarious. Not the part where you have a mummy's boy in place of a husband. Until recently I had one of those, I just thank God we were separated from mil by continents.

lottiegarbanzo · 03/01/2020 20:17

Can't he heat that shit up for himself?

Cotswolds10 · 03/01/2020 20:24

Omg, it just gets worse with your latest update. He really is a giant toddler!! Grin And entitled. Worst combination there is. Hope you’ve had some serious words by now!

Lweji · 03/01/2020 20:31

It looks like she can't actually be bothered to cook for him, then.
Are you sure he doesn't take them there and make them himself just to pretend it's her?

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 03/01/2020 21:04

Does he ever cook for you?
He's a pretty crap person isn't he.

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 03/01/2020 22:03

Sheesh watched this for a while, but honestly if he prefers frozen crap tell him to go to MILs & stay there. I am certain that you would be better off without him & that you could find someone better to spend your life with who would appreciate your efforts if you wanted to!
LTB (never actually said that before but seriously I saw an earlier post from you too & he really sounds horrible)
Thanks

Shesalittlemadam · 07/01/2020 01:42

@Legolegolegolego Why the hell are you still with him? I've seen your other threads and he's abusive to you and your child!! I've never read anything like it

LTB!!!!

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