Mil makes dh his tea

[legolegolegolego]

Looking for some opinions on this and whether it’s a bit...well...weird or not! DH works shifts, finishing at 8pm. He’s in the habit of stopping by his mums on the way home from work where she gives him his tea. He then brings it home with him. Many times I’ve plated up a dinner for dh and he’s eaten his mums instead. Today I cooked a roast dinner (dc and I ate earlier) it was all plated ready and again he’s come home with a big plate of food from his mums. Aibu to feel like I needn’t have bothered? Should I be happy that she’s cooking his tea and I don’t have to? It just feels odd to me and I cant imagine going to my mums everyday for my tea at my age!

Ah just saw your update, it all makes sense now. You have a DH problem not a MIL problem. He ran to his mummy telling tales about how "she's not feeding me properly mum, not like you used to do". Agree she should be telling him to get back to his own house and making himself his own dinner if he's not happy with your portions. Also agree that he's probably deliberately avoiding bedtime. Cos he might have to help out.

As a pp said, the man child will dump you soon - get in first.

Another man-baby! He’s an immature self-centred little prat, enabled by his doting, jealous mummy. Gross!

I think the meal is symptomatic of a bigger problem. Why on Earth is he bringing home a meal when he knows you’ve cooked one? Is he afraid to offend her or is he purposely offending you?

I’d tell him to grow the f**k up personally. Id also politely inform MIL that he has a meal waiting for him so there’s no need to cook him one.

To whoever above who mentioned mummy doing the dirty washing, my mother did, and she also bought his underpants!! Vile!

I'd send him back to his mum's permanently. It sounds like he's there almost every day, and in the week that must mean he barely sees his DC. And with the entitled attitude he's showing towards food, after just one time when the food wasn't right, then I'd certainly dump this baby masquerading as an adult.

Tell him if he stops by his mummy’s for one more plate of food then he’s to stay there.

*my EX’s mother did his washing and bought his underwear not my mum - that would be very creepy!

This would enrage me.

My H is a bit of a mummy's boy; she lives nearby, our house's gardens back onto each other, so it can be tricky sometimes.

This is the sort of stunt he (and she) participated in when we were first married 30 years ago - until I told him (and her) to pack it in or I'd just stop cooking full stop.

Neither liked being told but I wasn't wasting my time cooking if he was eating elsewhere first.

Get tough OP!

laudete if in the future DS came to me telling me his wife wasn't feeding him enough and he was hungry I would tell him to go home and cook himself a meal, not provide a meal for him! OP's DH is a grown up and can surely cook for himself.

Why does a woman have to provide a meal for him?

I agree it is a DH problem above all. Weird is not the word I think is appropriate.

If his work colleagues knew (not that you should tell them) and it was my workplace I can imagine the comments that would be made.

This whole absurd situation is beyond creepy. Why you tolerate this is a total mystery.

“ Or the DH can say 'no thanks mum, my wife is cooking my tea'”

This.

Can’t he just accept a cup of tea?

What’s he going to do when she dies?. Just not eat after lunch?.

If he’s not seeing the kids during the week anyway, and he’s being incredibly rude to you, then you have nothing to lose in suggesting he stay at MIL’s permanently. What an arsehole.

Stop cooking for him.

Ex bil done this-went to mumms for breakfast and lunch and she done it for him -he was such a mummys boy

sounds op like hes doing it to prove some stupid point and his dm is oh too happy t help

laughing at a man having a strop about the size of his burger and then telling his mum about it (imagining him hiccuping a bit like a toddler and saying "and then, mummy, they were really really small").

His mum should have more sense too.

Stop cooking for him. Stop doing any dinner any day at all. serve yourself and the kids and if he looks at you say "I thought your mum was making your dinner now" and go back to eating your own.

And give the odd plates to the charity shop.

The night after that was when he came home with food from his mums as I had “forced” him to ask his mum to feed him as I wouldn’t feed him. Ffs.

Omg, what an idiot he is! Have you had a sit down chat with him about this? Is he basically escaping parenting duties? Just never bloody cook for him again, he can go to mummy’s for all his meals, spend the savings on yourself!

Will his mum listen to reason, worth approaching her?

It is beyond weird for him to do this. Does she regularly compete with you for who can look after him the best?

It is fucking rude to do what he does to allow his Mummy to cook him dinner when he has a wife and children.

FFS, tell him to grow up.

This, with bells on.

Why do you persist in cooking for him?

Yet another enabled man-child on MN. And no wonder with his mum and wife fussing over his dinner. Let him get his own food and maybe he’ll grow up a bit.

My DH did this, he's really picky and just likes what he likes. I hate cooking and I'm a bit haphazard - I'll just throw something together at the last minute. His mother loves to feed people and equates food with love so she was always offering to cook his favourite food which would miraculously turn up when he was there. It then became a regular thing. I thought it was weird but then she is weird and has major control issues so I let them get on with it. Once I was pregnant I realised I didn't want our child to grow up seeing this strange behaviour and we had to eat together as a family. I threw a massive hormonal strop and he finally got it. Now he cooks for us all.

I still blame his mother for setting up the arrangement in the first place. If my sons ever suggested the same to me I would send them straight home to eat dinner with their partner and tell them to grow up.

Fucking hell. How on Earth does anyone find these sexist utter knob jockeys at all attractive. ANYONE who expects another human being to 'plate up' their meals who is not disabled or over the age of about 10 is a complete and utter twat. Cannot believe the number of people who put up with 'men' like this, who believe they have to be waited on because they work (like normal adults).

I would never, ever cook for this wanker again, much less plate up food to him except maybe in a dog dish on the floor.

Sorry but that's so weird and kind of sad OP

If I was cooking and had a shrinking burger disaster, DP and I would just laugh about it and get a takeaway or have something else!

How well do you get on with MIL? Well enough to ring her for a friendly chat and say "It's really kind of you to give him a meal but, you know, I have always cooked at home so it is a waste"

If she still insists.... Time to escalate I guess. A bit of ridicule probably won't help but might make you feel better. "Oh better show Mummy that rash on the back of your knees, and make sure she knows you have a clean hanky"