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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I'm not being 'controlling' and that he shouldn't have gone and got pissed last night?

230 replies

GreenyHedges · 01/01/2020 16:53

Background is 'D'H and I have 2 kids, DS who is 6 and DD who is 4. DH still likes to go out with his mates and wanted to go out NYE. I have a job where I have to work New Year's Day, so I said ok but can you please watch how much you're drinking, I'm not saying you can't drink but you need to be able to look after the kids while I'm at work. He said fine and got in the taxi.

Well next thing I know it's 3:30 am and I'm awoken by the sound of him vomitingEnvy (not envy!) and staggering all over the place knocking into everything.
I told him I wasn't pleased and I'd asked him not to do this. And that he would still be looking after the kids regardless so to expect to be woken up at 7:00 by DD.

I left for work just before 6 as I was on a morning shift, he'd left the place in a tip, hadn't cleaned the bathroom from when he was throwing up. When I got home around 2, he was upstairs lying on the bed, obviously hungover, and the kids were downstairs watching TV. When I asked them what they'd done they said they'd been watching TV all day and that DH had given them crisps for breakfastConfused and cereal for lunch.

When I tried to talk to DH he said I was being controlling and he's allowed to go out and have a good time if he wants.

OP posts:
WorldsOnFire · 01/01/2020 22:53

@SarahTancredi

After a heavy night - He wasn’t sober. He was still drunk! No I’ve never driven a car or cared for young children whilst steaming drunk actually!

But it may explain your thought train that you have!

MadeForThis · 01/01/2020 22:54

Of course she should have went to work.

Her DH wasn't driving the kids anywhere. All he had to do was lie on the couch and feel awful.

He could have made toast, sandwiches, soup. Lots of easy things that weren't crisps.

Am I correct in thinking that OP was home again at 2pm? They could have a late lunch then and a healthy dinner.

I would be raging with DP if he did this but it's not the end of the world. Just a stupid mistake.

Hopefully he apologises and genuinely regrets getting so drunk.

Cyw2018 · 01/01/2020 22:55

He wasn't hungover looking after a 4 year old, he was heavily intoxicated.

If at 330am he was actively vomiting there is no way he was safe to be supervising a young child 2 1/² hours later when op left for work.

SarahTancredi · 01/01/2020 22:58

Of course i dont think it's ok to endanger kids.

I do think that it's not unreasonable that op would have expected her dh to do what everyone else would have done and dragged their arse out of bed taken some.paracetamol and at very least called someone. 3.5 hours sleep is enough to sober up enough to do that much. In fact puking would have done him a favour in that department.

It must be lovely to have a job where you can ring up every 8 weeks cos someone.else got drunk. If your place is hiring....

SarahTancredi · 01/01/2020 23:00

And no I have never been drunk in charge of children. I grew out of getting drunk before I had them.

Stefoscope · 01/01/2020 23:02

He's had 6 new years eves to adjust to being a parent. I'm not saying parents shouldn't drink ever, but if you know you're going to be in sole charge of a couple of young children, you moderate your drinking so you're compos mentis the next day. Drinking too much every couple of months to not care for the children is far too often. I don't think the OP should be blamed in this instance, she has 2 children not 3 to consider no?

WorldsOnFire · 01/01/2020 23:03

Honestly seeing how many people think it’s ok to leave young children in the care of a still steaming drunk adult gives me a totally new respect for SS!

I’m gonna break it down really clearly;
Hungover- unpleasant but capable of providing care!
Still drunk- Incapable of providing care!

Saying ‘I needed to go to work’ or ‘well it’s his problem’ is ridiculous and pointless.

Might as well leave them with someone whose in a bloody comma if a physical adult body in the house is all that’s required!

TooManyPaws · 01/01/2020 23:06

Bloody hell. I was at a friend's last night and didn't get to bed till after four. None of us were sick. Her son came home at half past five and was away to work for eleven. There's drinking and then there's drinking till you're sick 🤮 and incapable the next day. A night like last night is a once a year thing too, not a regular bi-monthly affair like the OP's idiot of a husband.

WorldsOnFire · 01/01/2020 23:07

@SarahTancredi

My work wouldn’t tolerate it from me, but neither would I from DH.

But that is an entirely different point isn’t it? OP is obviously tolerating this regular behaviour and accepting it, therefore it is her responsibility to ensure her kids safety!

I wouldn’t be with DH if he was doing this- so would not be in this situation.

CalleighDoodle · 01/01/2020 23:12

I cannot believe the absolute bullshit sexism on here that some people think op should have phoned work and not gone in RATHER THAN her selfish knob of a husband, who obviously got up at least twice and walked around the house to feed the children, resting On the sofa rather than in bed???

SarahTancredi · 01/01/2020 23:12

Look op hasnt said she found him lying on a.pool of vomit. Nor had he pissed himself or shat himself nor was he lying I'm a heap on the floor. That plus the fact he got up twice to feed them indicates he was sober and with it enough to have been able to sat on the sofa with them even of he felt a bit rough. A couple of hours on the sofa half asleep infront of lion king is alot more than some parents get a night.

He was lazy tired and hungover. If he was still staggering about drunk hed be lying in his own vomit on the bathroom floor still

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 01/01/2020 23:13

I'm sick of men on here playing the 'you're so controlling!' card when their partner is pissed off at their unreasonable behaviour. And pretty much every parent would think getting so shitfaced when you're the sole parent in charge to the point where you can't look after them, cook for them, or even get out of bed and be in the same room as them, is unacceptable.

Would he think it was fine if you treated them like that?

Nuttyfellalovesnutella · 01/01/2020 23:15

You made the right call going to work.

Bit irresponsible of the DH but there are certain times when you get a free pass for getting rat faced, and NYE would fit that category. Go easy on him, he probably feels bad enough already.

Cohle · 01/01/2020 23:47

Christ some people have a low bar. If you're not actually unconscious in a pool of your own vomit or shitting yourself you're not drunk? Fucking hell.

He left vomit all over the bathroom for his wife or young children to come across. That's unbelievably grim.

SarahTancredi · 01/01/2020 23:59

Yes its grim.of course it is. This is more around the debate about whether he was too drunk still since he was up to getting up twice and.probably more times as he would have needed food drink and the bathroom plus he certainly Wasnt feeling too shit to start an argument was he.

He would have felt rough yes but was probably with it enough to have been able to have at least made a phone call. I bet if it had been a stag do and his mates burst in waking him up for a macdonalds breakfast hed probably have made it.

But mission accomplished I guess. Ops been basically told shes neglectful for going to work, she will probably.lose her job calling in sick every two months and the dh is free to go on benders and not have to worry about the kids.

Weenurse · 02/01/2020 00:06

Ask him how he would feel if you had done this?
Reverse the position

babbi · 02/01/2020 00:09

You are correct in being angry OP and are definitely not controlling.
His behaviour was irresponsible and selfish .
He was not sober at the time you went to work and was being grossly unfair to put you in that position.

I ended my marriage after numerous instances such as this . My ex simply could not have a few drinks ... he always had to get smashed ...
I always had to be the responsible one .
So happy now as a single parent .
He’s free to drink as much as he wants ..

My advice is to read your DH the riot act and don’t put up with this .

Take care

Rottnest · 02/01/2020 03:03

To anyone who thinks its fine to leave a 6yr old and a 4yr old unsupervised while you lie drunk/hungover, try visiting A&E, or maybe accompany an ambulance crew, or police officers for a shift, then come back here and tell me it is okay.
I would be very interested in your response.
This is why the law requires parents to look after their children in a safe manner.
This father is a deadbeat. (I'm trying to be polite).

thepeopleversuswork · 02/01/2020 06:59

NuttyFella fuck that for a game of soldiers. He rendered himself incapable of providing basic care to his kids and could have cost his OH her job. Why should she give him a free pass?

Yes it’s NYE: there’s a middle ground between going out and getting a bit pissed with mates (Which is fair enough) and getting so paralytic that you vomit and can’t care for your own children. Particularly after having had it spelled out beforehand that he needed to be in reasonable shape.

If you think this is acceptable I pity you tbh.

CanIHaveADrink · 02/01/2020 07:00

This isn't a regular thing although he has a tendancy to drink too much when he goes out. Which in fairness is probably every couple of months or so.

So basically the fact he came back home drunk isn’t a surprise to anyone, incl him. In which case HE can get organised so that HE can go out, get drunk but there is someone to look after the dcs.
Whereas it sounds like he is very much used to be able to palm the responsibility of being a father onto you @GreenyHedges wo even checking if that’s ok with you.

Oopsypoopsy2020 · 02/01/2020 07:23

He should not have left them unsupervised - lazing on the sofa while they watch TV would have been a much safer option.

How often is he in sole charge of the kids, sounds like he’s used to you picking up his slack OP.

GirlDownUnder · 02/01/2020 07:28

The children and their safety come first every single time!

Except for when dad wants to get puking sick, then dad gets a free pass at being a parent, and an adult.

Yay for dad Hmm

NeverTwerkNaked · 02/01/2020 07:35

Why on earth are people having a go at the op!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/01/2020 07:38

@NeverTwerkNaked presumably because she posted in AIBU so it's open season. It's the usual cool wives.

thepeopleversuswork · 02/01/2020 07:41

NeverTwerkNaked
Because people have really fucking low standards. Didn’t you know a man’s right to drink himself incontinent on NYE is enshrined in the constitution?