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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need opinions please! Was I rude?

418 replies

savethatkitty01 · 01/01/2020 05:28

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end. No specific details were given and tbh I only really mentioned it to be polite. My friend messaged me to ask what time we would be going to watch the fireworks & I again reiterated we were catching up with our out of town friends and I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her. As it turns out, we did catch up with our friends, but did not attend the NYE fireworks.

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.

I was a little taken aback and explained we hadn't attended the fireworks after all.

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight. When I mentioned the loose plans to my friend, I didn't realise she would pin her entire evening on it.

OP posts:
HouseworkAvoider10 · 01/01/2020 13:35

You sound quite thoughtless.

TheWildWoods · 01/01/2020 13:45

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end.

From your op, you invited her and then left her hanging!
No doubt that if you come back it'll be a reverse or a bloody drip feed

PrettyPurse · 01/01/2020 13:48

Pretty crappy of you. She didn't have anyone else to be with and thought she would actually be celebrating with friends.

She must feel pretty crap currently.

Deedadada · 01/01/2020 13:52

Have you apologised yet OP?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 01/01/2020 13:53

Yup. Knew the OP would have come on here to seek a whole load of "oh no, you were perfectly reasonable, she sounds bonkers" and has now made a sharp exit seeing how her behaviour is actually perceived...

ScorchioScorchio · 01/01/2020 13:56

I think that it depends how you worded it. If you said "I'll let you know when we go", then it's rude not to say that your plans have changed and you're no longer going. If, however, you said " Still not sure what we're doing, I'll let you know if we do go to the fireworks" then that's a much looser 'plan' and I don't think that it was impolite to not get back to your friend that wanted to tag along. Either way, I think that you should contact her to apologise for the miscommunication.

MaryShelley1818 · 01/01/2020 13:56

That was a really nasty way to treat a friend. Really horrible of you and you should apologise.

GamechangerRanger · 01/01/2020 13:58

That was mean and thoughtless OP. I'd be upset if someone did that to me.

Witchofzog · 01/01/2020 13:59

You are obviously a rude thoughtless person in general. Not only have you behaved atrociously with your friend, you have also started a thread and not bothered to come back because you have had your arse handed to you. Rude! There is a good chance your friend spent midnight in tears doubting herself. Well done you- you must be so proud. Angry

ferrier · 01/01/2020 17:00

I am clearly missing something from the OP's original post as I can see no invitation. I can see an unconfirmed possibility of going to the fireworks with no definite arrangements made so how can there be an invitation, especially as OP never went.
The only thing which is bad is that OP did say she would get back to the friend and didn't. But if I were the friend I would either contact OP on the night or I'd assume OP wasn't going. I certainly wouldn't get huffy.

LIZS · 01/01/2020 17:03

Friend did send second message and op said would let her know when.

Actionhasmagic · 01/01/2020 17:04

Hope she’s apologised and the friend is okay

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/01/2020 17:05

ferrier If you mention going to a possible event/outing/meetup to someone and say “if you’re at a loose end” you are inviting them along.

AmIthechristmasfairy · 01/01/2020 17:23

YABU

I've been that friend. It hurts

TrixchangeK · 01/01/2020 17:28

Yep, you were rude and inconsiderate.

Ginfordinner · 01/01/2020 17:32

YABU. I've been that friend. It hurts

So was DD last night. Two lots of friends bailed on her. Luckily she had a third friend to see, but it was a rather dull and underwhelming evening.

mnahmnah · 01/01/2020 17:34

I’ve had friends do this to me before. It’s really quite hurtful. Being alone on occasions such as NYE can be hard enough without feeling a friend has forgotten about you and left you out, not caring. Funnily enough, I take people’s offers of meeting up at face value, because I would never fake-invite someone myself

kingkuta · 01/01/2020 17:37

It sounds like you knew your friend would be alone, hence inviting her to the fireworks. You knew she wanted to go as she has texted you for further details then you just ignore her the entire night. Do you honestly have to ask if YABU? What you did is at best selfish and thoughtless and at worst just downright cruel.

Sunflower20 · 01/01/2020 18:03

That's so mean. You should apologise if you still want her as a friend.

KarmaStar · 01/01/2020 19:07

Op are you going to respond please?have you spoken to your ex friend?is she ok?

Rtruth · 02/01/2020 17:30

Sorry but if you mention if you are at loose end you can come with us, if I said yes, I’d be pissed off if you didn’t at very least cancel the plans.
I always go with a first come, first served approach.

LittleMissMe99 · 02/01/2020 17:31

You're a horrible friend. I feel really sorry for her. How completely rude to invite her then basically dump her without saying a word. And the fact you have to ASK if you were unreasonable. Ugh. That poor woman

lilgreen · 02/01/2020 17:31

You invited her if she was at a loose end and then ignored her. YABVU!

Carriecakes80 · 02/01/2020 17:32

You were 100% in the wrong, you were trying to sound kind, then ended up being absolutely awful...imagine how SHE felt, knowing that you had invited her, she waited for details that YOU said you would give her, and then never bothered to, and then went out, had a great night, and left a 'friend' all alone.
Don't make promises, however vague to people unless you intend to follow through, then blame the other person!

Put yourself in her shoes....

MummyofTw0 · 02/01/2020 17:35

Of course you were rude! You clearly didn’t want her there

She’s come at you angry but she’s probably really upset

You definitely owe her flowers and a big apology

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