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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need opinions please! Was I rude?

418 replies

savethatkitty01 · 01/01/2020 05:28

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end. No specific details were given and tbh I only really mentioned it to be polite. My friend messaged me to ask what time we would be going to watch the fireworks & I again reiterated we were catching up with our out of town friends and I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her. As it turns out, we did catch up with our friends, but did not attend the NYE fireworks.

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.

I was a little taken aback and explained we hadn't attended the fireworks after all.

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight. When I mentioned the loose plans to my friend, I didn't realise she would pin her entire evening on it.

OP posts:
Devereux1 · 02/01/2020 19:00

Yes, YABU. Your attendance at the fireworks isn't the issue.

Inherdefence · 02/01/2020 19:07

Not rude so much as thoughtless and unkind. To just leave her hanging on NYE is a really horrible thing to do. All you had to do was tell her you had changed your plans. I don’t understand why you didn’t do that. I’m glad she had enough self respect to send you a snarky message.

SuperSue77 · 02/01/2020 19:07

How hard is it for the OP to jump back on this thread and say “thanks for your opinions, I was obviously in the wrong and will apologise to my friend and make it up to her”?
I know some think she has had a rough time from some of the comments but I think people are just trying to express how crap she has been. Why should total strangers on mumsnet be considerate of the feelings of the OP when she hasn’t bothered to with the feelings of someone she classes as a friend?

Funguy · 02/01/2020 19:09

You said you would get back to her, but you did not. That was rude of you.

ElizabethMountbatten · 02/01/2020 19:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

paranoidmum2 · 02/01/2020 19:14

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight

So prepared to accept you were wrong that you don't even return to your thread?

skyblu · 02/01/2020 19:28

Yeah, you were. That’s pretty nasty really, even though you didn’t deliberately intend to be.

Candyfloss99 · 02/01/2020 19:28

Wow so rude. Your friend was waiting for you to let her know and you didn't even bother to say you weren't going. Horrible.

MarshmallowCowgirl · 02/01/2020 19:34

Would love to hear from op once she's read the insight she requested.....

MrsBadcrumble123 · 02/01/2020 19:37

I think OP has had her ass handed to her on a plate.... inconsiderate and mean - NYE can be a tricky time for people on their own, your actions could have had a serious impact on her mental health

Housewife2010 · 02/01/2020 19:38

I've been let down by friends before and it's awful. Nowadays with mobile phones it's so quick and easy to let friends know re arrangements. There really is no excuse. I've been that person dressed up and ready to go out and then left hanging. It's horrid.

Devereux1 · 02/01/2020 19:44

I had a friend who repeatedly let me down like this.

One spring she invited me to her neck of the woods for an event that summer. It's a big event and I was excited to go. Throughout spring and into summer, I kept that week free. Closer and closer to the date, I heard nothing from her. I was pretty upset.

I was gobsmacked upset when she phoned me a couple of weeks after the event to tell me what a fantastic time she'd had with other friends she had invited, she went on and on about it, and seemed oblivious to my disinterested responses. It was the last straw for me.

Later, I told her why I was so upset, and received no response. Her failure to acknowledge what she'd done made it even worse.

I was single at the time, my friend was married, like the OP's situation from the sound of it. Sometimes couples treat their single friends very poorly.

Tistheseason17 · 02/01/2020 19:55

The fact you even have to ask shows a distinct lack of self awareness, insight and thought for others.

I would not want you for a friend.

browneyes77 · 02/01/2020 19:58

Ok, so I think you’re both kind of at fault here.

You said you’d get back to her and you didn’t. She was clearly hoping to come which is why she tried to get times etc out of you. I think unless you had specifically arranged to go see fireworks, you probably shouldn’t have mentioned it. Or at least told her when she texted that you hadn’t made any firm plans to see the fireworks yet, so to leave it.

However, if I was your friend, if I didn’t have any confirmation from you that you were definitely going out to see the fireworks, I’d have just made other plans. Not waited around for confirmation of something that was spectacularly vague in the first place.

agonyauntie2020 · 02/01/2020 19:58

How can you not know that was mean? You made her feel unwanted on NYE. And now you have to ask on mums net if it was wrong? Yikes. Please send her some flowers and apologise.

agonyauntie2020 · 02/01/2020 20:00

Hahahaha, I just realized just like not bothering to text her friend, OP is not bothering to return/reply to the thread. OP, if you ever do trouble yourself to see 14 pages of us have answered you, you are persona non grata with a lot of us MN-ers on this thread now! I so so so wish your poor friend was on MN and could read it!

Frazzledstar1 · 02/01/2020 20:01

Seeing as she had followed up and was obviously keen it probably would have been polite to send her a message saying something along the lines of “sorry we are not going to fireworks now” etc.

ToftyAC · 02/01/2020 20:06

Come on OP, you know the answer. You made your friend think there were firm plans and you then binned her off without a second thought Andy without being arsed to let her know. And on NYE. That was an incredibly hurtful thing to do when you let her think your plans extended to her. Poorly done OP.

Roxingaroundtheworld · 02/01/2020 20:06

YABU. I’d be very annoyed if I was left on my own on NYE

ToftyAC · 02/01/2020 20:06

Andy??? *and

SnuggyBuggy · 02/01/2020 20:08

I'm guessing the OP has also left us hanging

Misscromwellrocks · 02/01/2020 20:09

Rude and hurtful.

Grow up.

Jack80 · 02/01/2020 20:17

You didn't get back to her I don't know your relationship so I can't tell exactly but I would message a friend if I wasn't going to meet up.

BluebonicPlague · 02/01/2020 20:22

It's one of those awkward things where it's so easy to see after the event why the friend would take offence. You'd left it vague, said you'd be in touch. And should have been.

But, tbh, if I'd been your friend in that situation I'd have texted to see if it was still on and at what time. And anyone but a complete sap would have done the same. So it's not all on you.

Patsypie · 02/01/2020 20:25

You shouldn't have left her hanging. It sounds like you're not that keen on her friendship tbh.

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