Need opinions please! Was I rude?

[savethatkitty01]

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end. No specific details were given and tbh I only really mentioned it to be polite. My friend messaged me to ask what time we would be going to watch the fireworks & I again reiterated we were catching up with our out of town friends and I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her. As it turns out, we did catch up with our friends, but did not attend the NYE fireworks.

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.

I was a little taken aback and explained we hadn't attended the fireworks after all.

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight. When I mentioned the loose plans to my friend, I didn't realise she would pin her entire evening on it.

OP are you planning to " get back to us" here on Mumsnet, as you have had plenty of answers to your question? Or are you going to leave us hanging too?

It isn't vague though is it. Fireworks on new year’s eve. Time and place. The fireworks would have had a published time. Not vague at all. Not like she said we will catch up soon.

Actually I was being too nice. You sound like a deeply unpleasant person. For some reason she wanted to be in your company and you let her down in a very cruel way. She mightn't have had other options. You're totally in the wrong and I hope she tells you to piss off!

It's this a reverse? Are you the friend who was dressed up with nowhere to go?

Very unpleasant thing to do!

You said you'd get back to her but you didn't. I see why she's annoyed. I think
You should have been clearer with her.

Plain thoughtless and nasty. I would be feeling pretty worthless and not even worth a poxy text. You owe her a massive apology.

Hello????

You said you’d get back to her - and you didn’t, so she spent the evening waiting for you to get back to her to arrange where to meet - or not. She called you back on NYE so obviously she was at a loose end - you should have added her to the group or told her to make other plans, poor woman. You seem like a crap friend to me and we’re far more than rude, add selfish , inconsiderate and unkind. If you value her as a friend you need to sincerely apologise and make amends.

I spent new year all alone, watching crap tv. I’ve never been out new year, and would of jumped at the chance too go out. It was incredibly insensitive. I’ve had it done too me, then just been ignored. Who needs enemies with friends who are so cruel.

I don't think the OP is coming back to the thread, it didn't go quite like she expected it to, I suspect. I hope you learn from this, OP, and don't give empty invitations just to be polite in the future, now you've seen how hurtful they can be.

Poor lady, how awful it must have been for her, you didn't even give her chance to make alternative arrangements. I would never trust you again, you didn't even let her know. Dispicable

Very thoughtless OP. You ghosted her on NYE.

Yes you really upset her and I see why.

She was obviously waiting for you to get back to her. You were rude and hurtful.

Has savethatkitty01 been back?

The OP has form for not getting back to people...

You invited her and she accepted, it may have been a polite suggestion to you but she's not a mind reader and thought you were being genuine.

What a thoughtless and cruel thing to do. Don't ever invite anyone to anything unless you absolutely mean it from now on.

You owe her a massive apology.

It's hardly surprising she hasn't come back to the thread considering how many posters have told her how out of order she was. Hopefully she's learned something, though probably not.

Why tell her she could come along if you didnt really want her to? You shouldnt have done that, should have responded to her when she asked about time. I dont think rude is the right word, but she is right to be upset and I would be surprised if she wants to see you again.

Exceptionally rude. I once dropped a formerly close friend for a very similar scenario. Clearly you regretted mentioning it to her and subsequently decided she wasn't important/fun/interesting enough to join you and your more important out of town group for the evening. If she was really your friend and you knew she didn't have plans and was keen to join you, why wouldn't you just include her?

I'd be so upset in your friends position. Completely thoughtless

I get that it's annoying when people hint that they'd like to join you. But FFS, be straightforward.

You implied that she could join you. You clearly said you'd get back to her about the arrangements. You didn't.

There's no excuse for that.

You were very rude and would no longer be my friend if I were her. Can you honestly not see it?

Thanks All. Apology was issued, all is good. It was miscommunication on both parts.