£100 for xmas dinner

[disneydatknee]

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. So she only paid for meat which I ate about half a palmful of beef of. My family consists of 2 adults and 2 children that ate fuck all. Aibu to say I'm not fucking paying it? No back story or drip feed. This is it!

If your DH is wanting to go NC after other issues, the let him.

Which charity is giving out enough free Christmas vegetables for a huge family dinner?

I wondered this

My aunty used to do this. After years of coming to our house and not being expected to contribute, she wanted to host one year and charged £50pp. We never went again!

£100!

I'd go with your husband's decision. If she says anything to you tell her he's dealing with it.

And make your own arrangements for next Christmas.

For those asking about what charities give out food for Christmas dinners, we have a few in my part of London. One gives out hampers with a turkey crown and all the trimmings to anyone on benefits who registers with them about a month before, and another one receives leftover fresh food from various supermarkets 2-3 times a week, and had a big Christmas event on the 24th with all the left overs brought in at 7pm, no questions asked. It wouldn't surprise me if this CF had been to somewhere similar and had chopped and froze everything Delia style over the previous few weeks.

What is she going to do, send the bailiff's round? Small claims court?
Just transfer the £50 as agreed and if she mentions it just send back a ‘? Surely you didn’t spend that much?’ And play dumb so that’s she is forced to spell it out.
I don’t get people who charge for hosting family events anyway but I’d be expecting a feast to contribute £100

Who are these people that invite and charge? Don’t invite if it’s too much of a stretch
So people that can't afford to pay for their families should just not invite? So everyone in the family should just sit on their own with a ready meal for one at Christmas? Have you maybe considered some families want to be together at xmas but there isn't one individual that could afford to host everyone? Seems a good idea for everyone to contribute and enjoy each others company. Unbelievable that it's hard for some to comprehend that those on lower incomes want to socialise and enjoy the company of their families at xmas too!

I'm finding it very hard to believe that this woman hosted xmas for 16 people and all she bought was meat. I think people who have never hosted underestimate the work and the cost involved.

Seems a shame to fall out over something like this. Just get dh to day that we agreed to £50 including alcohol, since there was no alcohol provided here is £40 as a gesture. For next years xmas maybe suggest you all bring a dish.

I think people who have never hosted underestimate the work and the cost involved.

This.

You're being extremely naive to think your family only cost her £10. But she's being extremely cheeky asking for as much as £100. No point in whinging about it on MN though, ask her how she arrived at that figure or send a lower amount 🤷🏻‍♀️

When we host we tend to ask others to bring drinks and puddings (we inevitably end up providing a lot of the drinks ourselves anyway). It's very expensive to host even if people do bring things, but there's no way I'd ask for a £ contribution unless I was desperately short of money.

She's out of order asking you to pay the £100. I imagine she's panicking because she has actually paid this out and it's been consumed by her partner's family. She probably feels unable to charge them so you've been charged for that too to recoup the cost.

I think it would be fucking awful of you for your family of 4 to have been hosted by her at xmas and not pay the agreed £50.

At Christmas seasonal veg in the big supermarkets seems to get reduced. I noticed it was 19p for a bag of potatoes, carrots, sprouts in Aldi, similar prices in Morrisons and she's still going to charity food waste for them.
Is she perhaps charging you for your Christmas presents ?
Anyhow, she is a cheeky cow, but people like that count on others being polite and not challenging them back, which effectively enables them.
Pay her what you originally agreed, but deduct money for booze and let her kick off. Why try to appease someone as unpleasant as that.

This is a great plan. I've been trying to find a way to stop everyone wanting me to host. Your sil is a genius.

Blimey! She's a CF of the highest order. My entire Xmas shop only came to around £350 and that included all the wine, beer, fizz, spirits, cider, meat, veg, pud, cheese etc and I catered for 14 on Boxing Day out of that too! We're still eating leftovers now. It must have been a bloody mahoosive turkey. Don't pay and send her £50 as agreed.

Just say, ‘I’m sorry but we don’t have £100, just the £50 that we budgeted for.’ Send over the £50 and see if she dares to complain.

If this ends up with her kicking off then you don’t need to see her again and everyone wins.

I provided Christmas dinner for 15 - Turkey all the trimmings, champagne and wine, some nibbles for around £240. Others brought pre-dinner nibbles, extra wine, champagne, and puddings. All in I think the cost would have been around £280 - around £18 per head.

Wiuld love to see an itemized bill

Some families do Christmas this way because only one person has a house big enough to accommodate everyone and therefore always does Christmas. It wouldn't be fair for that person to have to suffer the cost year in year in whilst nobody else pays.

So the issue is not that they charged, but that they overcharged/increased the charge. If everyone agrees that one person will host and that you all split the cost, then that is fine.

It should be worked out fairly in advance, ie you all just pay an equal amount to share the family cost, or else it is worked out per adult and per child and then you pay according to how many of each in your family. It doesn't seem fair that 2 adults should pay the same as 2 adults/3 children , however if you all agree that you are just contributing equal amounts and are happy with that then it is fine.

However, if one person is buying it all, then that person should be able to provide a list/spreadsheet with all the costs on, so that everyone can clearly see what the money has gone on.

If she advised £50 in the beginning, she can't just suddenly double it, especially if you also then had to take your own drink.

YANBU to pay her just £50 and the other family members should do the same.

£50 doesn't seem a lot for everything though if she had actually paid this. I go to family and always take 3 bottles of prosecco (£18 on offer this year), tin of sweets, pigs in blankets, Christmas pudding, dessert, crisps etc, so easily £40-£50 for my contribution towards Christmas/Boxing Day for me and my DC. That is my choice to take those things otherwise I would not be spending a penny on Christmas.

My in laws did this. 60 pound per head. (Told the week before)They ran out of fizz after 2 bottles and only served one course. No cheese, no bloody Quality Street.

I'm never going to anyone else's for dinner again!

That's ridiculous!! Cf!!!

If you agreed to £50 including booze then give her £30 and don’t ever go again.

Who are these people that invite and charge? Don’t invite if it’s too much of a stretch

I do my house is the only house big enough so Christmas is here every year. I’m on the tail end of my maternity leave so don’t have much disposable income this year. I only charge £10 per adult though and that includes everything from alcohol to all food (three meals across the day with snacks in between). I still have to pay way above this so I don’t even break even

I still want to hear more about the free charity veg...

YWVU to pay anything, how ridiculous. Does she live on a different planet? Who charges their family for Christmas dinner? Bonkers.

Which charity is giving out enough free Christmas vegetables for a huge family dinner?

Don't know about charities, but I got into the habit of walking to our local store on Christmas Eve just before closing mostly to get reduced cake and every year there has been someone stood at the entrance giving away vegetables. Usually carrots and sprouts.
Always felt a bit sad that they couldn't give them to some local charities etc.

Times like this I always say that I have been NC with my SIL for 18 years and its worked out marvellously all round.