£100 for xmas dinner

[disneydatknee]

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. So she only paid for meat which I ate about half a palmful of beef of. My family consists of 2 adults and 2 children that ate fuck all. Aibu to say I'm not fucking paying it? No back story or drip feed. This is it!

Every family does ‘big’ celebrations differently - I don’t think that’s an issue. I was one if the ‘wouldn’t dream of charging’ folk - but I am also hosted elsewhere over the festive period so I see the meals I host as my contribution. When I stayed as a guest - even as an early 20-something graduate on a very crap wage - I took a contribution of food or other sundries, whatever my parents requested. It might have been crackers, or napkins, or cheese, or fancy biscuits. Whatever - we contributed according to our means. As I got better off, it was a case of wine delivered etc.

I grew up with my grandparents and then my parents hosting the whole extended family for days. For us as kids, it was amazing! It’s only as an adult I appreciate the various issues on all sides that everyone sucked up (mostly) happily. The travelling side of the family contributed cash towards the butcher’s bill, plus a pub meal out at some point for the chef’s family, plus liqueurs/chocolates/extras.

It is perfectly reasonable and normal to divvy up the cost whatever way makes sense, given that nearly everyone will be expecting to spend a bit extra on a celebration at Christmas, whichever house they’re at, so it’s hardly terrible hosting etiquette.

I also strongly agree that unless you’ve hosted you don’t realise the whole expense, so perhaps OP is being a touch light in the estimates of the price per head...

But the OP says they’re being charged twice what they’d budgeted, AND someone else drank the booze! That’s awful. It really can’t possibly be justified!

Amazing the number of posters piling in, 350+ posts into the thread, "being unable to imagine charging anyone for dinner at their house" when the absolutely valid reasons have been explained to them over and over and over again

READ THE THREAD people

and try to grasp that everyone's life circumstances are different.

Well I live in Spain, I imported a Christmas pudding for one! (For DH) no nice MandS stuff here so made my own things, no turkey so had a 5 euro pork loin, veggies, made yorkies, fruit and nuts etc.

No cheese, nothing like that.

Nice cheap Spanish cava (2 euros here), some festive napkins from TIGER (1 euro) and I managed to source some crackers (miracle) Posh fizzy water for DD.

So very simple indeed compared to what I would do in England.

THAT cost 45 euros at least, for a family of 3!

So, OP it really depends on EXACTLY how shabby this meal was, but charging double seems very odd and not on!

OP thank you for sharing, happy to hear you'll only be paying what you agreed to originally. Don't pay a penny more.

So much drama, I've no siblings so I'm not used to this BS but, I think you've got a handle on it. gl.

OP, have you replied and told her you're only going to pay the original amount or are you just going to send it? I'm intrigued to know how she will respond. Good luck either way, I think she should consider herself lucky she's getting that.

Do the most that you can to salvage the relationship. Be kind. Explain her new revised bill puts you in a painful predicament not wishing at all to offend. Perhaps there were costs neither of you could have anticipated . Etc If she could do a break down that would be great. It would be best that you are generous in your giving but not to the point of folly eg: Pay for some of the alcohol even if you drank none. That way you can be sure in yourself that you are being more than fair. I would definitely Pray in silence a few moments each day for some days before you speak with her. Amazing things happen with God.

Wtf people charge family for Christmas dinner? I know all families are different but to me, that just sounds wrong I always assumed if you ask people then you pay if can't afford it you don't host, simples!

As she originally charged you £50 and you agreed it would be rude not to pay at all but no f*ing way pay her £100. How can she justify charging per family as not all families are the same size plus children do not drink alcohol. If she does challenge you about the amount you give he be polite, not accusatory and say that because there was no alcohol you amended the amount if she challenges you do not justify your self saying you only had a small amount or anything like that make her justify why she doubled the original amount say you only budgeted for £50 and it would be hard to find the extra and you were given no warning if she carries on tell her you are not bloody funding her Christmas overspending.
Someone people have got more front than Brighton!

I spent around £300 on food for 4 days for 8 people, this includes most of the booze (guests brought a bit) £100 just for food is ridiculous

Your decision is sensible OP, pay the £50, but don't arrange with her next year.

@feltandfancy I’d also like to know how she is entitled to get veg from a food waste charity? Surely this is for people why have nothing?

It's been said on the thread but so many replies it might have got lost... there are plenty of initiatives whose aim is to reduce wastage, thus they make the excess food available to anyone who'll use it regardless of circumstances. They're not food banks. Community fridge is one such example.

We used to have huge extended family Christmases when I was a child. Everyone used to chip in with money and often some food. My Mum’s brother and his family rarely attended, but when they did, didn’t offer to pay, but would send my Mum or Aunt a huge bunch of flowers. It occurred to my Mum the second time that no-one had ever told him that everyone put in some cash. So she told him, he said he wondered but didn’t like to ask, job done for the next year.

Is this real??

So what have you decided to pay OP???

If you didn't know about this beforehand then absolutely not. When did it become OK to make a profit from inviting family over ? Charge her for her Christmas present next year. Or invite the whole family to yours with a discount to all but her, she pays full price. What a skinfling, she gives a whole new meaning to the word Scrooge. What a grinch. (At least the Grinch stole christmas, she sold it !!)

My sister hosts us for a family party every year and when she started doing it, I told my other sisters that all need to take a couple of dishes or deserts etc, as it’s too much work and too expensive otherwise. We always end up with heaps of food.
I know my sweet sis would never take any money!

Your SIL must have stuffed the turkey with gold nuggets or something for it to have worked out at that price! Seems as though she’s determined to make a profit from the day!

I’d send her the agreed £50 and think long and hard about ever going there again. I’m sure you could all find a restaurant at that price.

Oh my! I think shes taking the monkeys with you tbh. I'd pay the 50 if that's what was originally agreed but no more! You could cook your own dinner at home in your pjs for less lol!
My sister hosts xmas dinner and everyone brings something for that day, anyone is free will help prep the day before, they dont expect me to do either as I'm a single parent with 4kids but Im more than happy to pay towards the turkey meats and trimmings. Its only fair! I'd be lost without my family esp at xmas.

Fuck that

I wouldn't even entertain family members who fucking charged me a fee for Christmas dinner.

The mind boggles

How I hate it when people take the trouble to reply but the OP doesn't update on the outcome.

If she changed the amount from £50 to £100 I would ask for the reason. Other posters here are comparing those costs to their turkey dinners, but you mentioned beef in your post, so the main your SIL provided was more expensive than theirs, and if she was getting something especially nice for dinner it could have been a lot more. I good fillet of beef from a butcher can cost £10-£15 per person. Your kids and husband may not have eaten it, but they were presumably catered for in the purchase (depending on the ages of your children, of course. But I watched my seven-year-old nephew put away a sirloin in 15 minutes flat on Christmas Eve.) So I think it's worth giving your SIL the benefit of the doubt but asking in a friendly way how the bill got doubled. Or just send her the £50 originally requested.

I think the OP is sending £50 - we are eagerly awaiting the SIL response!

I think the real problem is not the charging itself, but the fact that the amount charged was increased with very short notice, and the items it included also reduced with very short notice.
If you intend to charge for Christmas dinner, make it clear to your guests at least a month before (many people get paid monthly, and this also gives them time to arrange something else, if they wish). Secondly, make it clear what is included in the charge, e.g. ie drinks, etc, or what guests are expected to bring themselves.
As many posters have commented, it is not always just one meal, but could be several days, if extended family come some distance.

I think I would pay the £100 originally agreed but only in order to keep the moral upper hand. Otherwise, you need to have a discussion with SIL either in person or on the phone where you negotiate a lower contribution as you had to provide alcohol which was originally to be included in the £100. Mention that someone else provided pudding if you feel it strengthens your case. I would then never ever go to her house again for such meals as she appears to be a total piss taker. Or, if you don't feel you can do this offer to contribute actual food, but not money.

£100 is a crazy amount for meat!
I can't comprehend how she could expect money off her family anyway.
As misspiggy19 said, don't go there again.