£100 for xmas dinner

[disneydatknee]

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. So she only paid for meat which I ate about half a palmful of beef of. My family consists of 2 adults and 2 children that ate fuck all. Aibu to say I'm not fucking paying it? No back story or drip feed. This is it!

I've never heard of people charging for Christmas dinner! Don't families take it in turns to host instead?

That’s terrible - I am shocked at how many people have to pay set amounts within families.

Philomena - not if the other options are:

-Own DPs - mum sick to death of skivvying for own DM &/or MIL for 30 years. Just wants an M&S dinner for two & a quiet day with Ddad, thanks.
-DBro - working abroad

Other side:
-MIL - hated cooking, not too steady on the proverbial pins, kitchen & indeed house falling apart around her ears
-BIL & SIL - living in small impractical for hosting Yuppie apartment 300 miles from everyone else, but happy to travel

• other SIL - lone parent, skint, living in small flat with small DN

In some families there's just always an obvious default. For us it was me & XH.

Ask her for an itemised bill. Pay an amount but beware the damage is done. You will be annoyed and she will for different reasons. Don't go next year.

If you pay nothing then you are the bad guys - pay what you agreed in advance - £50, less £10 for drink not included and tell her that you won’t be paying more as £50 was the amount agreed and you wouldn’t have attended at £100.
And just don’t do it anymore, I’ve never even heard of this as a ‘thing’.

Can’t wait to see how £50 goes down with CF.

@PhilomenaChristmasPie if you have read the thread you would see loads of reasons why this isnt always possible. For our family it is due to space, there is room anywhere else to host 10-15 of us. We can just about manage at ours

What's wrong with spending Christmas with your own nuclear family and the wider family getting together for mince pies on Boxing Day?

God some people just can't imagine a life different to their own can they

Whilst I may have my own nuclear family I also have a divorced brother, widowed mother, two single friends and a spinster aunt. They all come to me for at least 5 days and all contribute to the massive food bill - just pay into my account. I would love to be able to treat them all but the bill was somewhere in the region of £800. They are all over the moon that they can spend Christmas with the extended family. As for them all bringing something, we went down that route once and it was a disaster - crap last minute substitution etc so I just do a massive on-line shop, everyone asked for requests and the whole lot delivered day before Christmas, everyone goes into the fridge whenever they want and they all get bundled off with food parcels. Any leftover alcohol I put by for Easter or whenever we all get together again.

Posters throwing their arms up in horror at 'charging' do you think my case is reasonable or should I just tell all of my lovely family to stay at home next year as we can't afford it? If I were in their shoes I'd more than happily bung in £100 for my weeks contribution.

She is totally unreasonable. Why do families do this? Most I would expect is a bottle of wine or a pudding. Why not just take it in turns? I would ask for an itemised bill. No way would I pay it.

TheLastLittleDragon I wish I was a member of your family or a friend, sounds perfect. Really lovely.

I am not well off and wouldn't charge. If I couldn't afford it I wouldn't invite. Or I would ask them to bring booze or a particular item.

I'd pay it gladly for the simple reason that it means you have settled up and never have to deal with this crap again. I call it paying people off. Or just to fuck off. Just wow, what a fucking cheek.

Wow. I've seen it all! Hope you Ted her to sod off?!

Charge/don't charge is what everyone seems to be debating when that's not the point of the thread at all.

OP agreed to the charge (as do loads of other families and that's fine if they want to do that.) what is CFery is the host then cutting back on what was promised and then DOUBLING the amount agreed!

Pay the agreed £50

BUT

Don't host next year as she definitely won't pay her contribution.

Ask her for a receipt for taxation purposes.

My DH thinks you should pay the whole £100 and never speak to them again.
I however agree with paying the original £50 you budgeted for, max.
I can see the sense in chipping in more if there are lots of you, you are there for several days or the meal is exceptionally lavish but this doesn't really qualify. Tell the CF to try Aldi next year rather than Fortnum and Mason's, as they scored better in blind testing anyway!

We usually take a contribution of food and drink towards big family meals, or at least offer to, to offset the burden on the host. However paying that amount appears to be taking the piss big style, I certainly wouldn't go again.

When did she up the price and exclude alcohol? Were you given advance warning? If £100 per family was just for the meat then it's incredibly steep. I host my family every year between 9-14 people incl. us and I think unless you've hosted you don't fully realise the cost. She may have over purchased , it's Xmas and often we get more in than we need! when I cater at Xmas it's not just dinner,( which in itself adds up - starters, turkey, gammon,pigs in blankets, in my house a vegetarian and vegan options too , lots of veg, stuffing , cranberry sauce,puddings etc etc) it's crackers , it's drinks, napkins , tableware, nibbles on side ( quality street , nuts etc) cheese and biscuits, Christmas cake etc etc. I have never charged my family but my brother and sister never host and I'm sure they don't realise the cost or effort involved! Maybe offer host next year and charge the same 😄
I think if you're sharing the cost you should be absolutely clear on what the money is going on and agree and stick to a budget in advance.

Why can't your H ask his sister what she's playing at?

Well, yeah, that's the other thing isn't it DeeCee.

I'd be expecting the CF's actual relation to take on any argument necessary. So in OP's case, it's for her partner to settle up with his sister & get into any ensuing arguments. I'd be cheerfully sitting back & letting them wrangle that one.

I'd hope he ended up paying 50 quid or less. I'd also be arguing that the sister is a terrible host & generally hard work, & let's do our own thing next year...

Loving that PP are seizing the opportunity to over share their Christmas gluttony & how super rich they all are while making the peasants feel shameful for accepting contributions from family so they can all have a lovely Christmas together...ffs! Back to the point OP, of course she’s a massive CF & you should a) do what your DH decides as it’s his DS & there is obvs a back story there and b) only send £50 (if DH agrees) to be the bigger person based in the original agreement. Of course I would love you to make DSIL squirm by outing her on a family message & getting her to justify every penny & share all the gory details with us on MN —but I realise that is probably very childish & spiteful of me—

BillieEilish

Thank you. It works really well for us all and I love having them all here, hate to read what some of the posters on here are implying. I do hope our situation is somewhat different though .

With my OHs family, each family puts in £20 and that includes everything unless you want to bring spirits etc. There are 19 of us in total (5 families get together, it’s madness). We obviously all end up spending more by bringing extras and snacks and thing BUT we have certain family members who used to contribute NOTHING every single year, never hosted, and then left with Tupperware boxes full... so it’s definitely aimed at them...

Well Littledragon you're giving guests dignity for one thing, they feel they belong and are not beholden, in a way, they have contributed.

They feel at home and THAT is what hosting is about.

I would feel so much more relaxed and welcome/less awkward with this set up.

Lovely for all. Whether you are well off or not IMO.

OP, I thought that you weren't going to drip feed? Pay £35 for the food without drinks.