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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my 22year old dd to gp?

201 replies

SueDoeName · 31/12/2019 17:48

My dd found a lump in her groin 18 months ago. She went to doctors and they said it was a swollen lymph node probably caused by infection.

She still has it 18 months later and it's got bigger.

She is always ill. Always got a cold or ulcers in her throat or throat infection. She loses weight despite eating really well. (More than me !)
She is always tired . Looks washed out . She is also anaemic . (Confirmed)
She's been back to the doctors twice - she is very sensible and grounded and has told me she's worried about lymphoma. The doctors dismissed her saying "google doesn't have a degree "
She is worried. I am now worried she has been referred for a scan but will take 4-6 weeks and then she has to await results before getting referred for biopsy.

I want to go to gp now with her and ask about a private referral and timescales. They aren't taking her seriously.

Aibu? I don't usually interfere but this seems like one time I need to. She needs someone a bit bolshy to fight her corner .

OP posts:
Halloweenbabyy · 31/12/2019 17:50

No. Your her mum! X

Brefugee · 31/12/2019 17:50

I'm having a similar problem with my DD21. Thinking of going to the GP with her and asking why they are minimising women's pain/health issues.
Try it?

Nicknacky · 31/12/2019 17:51

Does she want you to take her?

Mamabear88 · 31/12/2019 17:53

Definitely go. Better to be safe than sorry x

Original poster
SueDoeName · 31/12/2019 17:53

Yes she wants me to help her now she isn't getting anywhere. I would pay privately for her but need some info .

OP posts:
MadisonMontgomery · 31/12/2019 17:56

You don’t need to see a GP for a private referral - find where you want to go and book an appt, then speak to your GP’s secretary and request a referral letter to take with you. You can usually get private appointments within a few days.

frogsbreath · 31/12/2019 17:56

You don't need the gp to refer you to a private practitioner in person, you find one and they will ask for a gp letter or notes and you just get a telephone appointment with GP practice and provide contact details of private healthcare. They will send notes and a letter on via email/fax.

Whatsername177 · 31/12/2019 18:01

I took my mum along to a hospital appointment at your dds age. I was having awful periods and bleeding really heavily. The consultant was dead against a laparoscopy. He actually said 'have you ever had a headache? Yes? I'd bet my house your CT scan would be fine, because, just like your headache isn't brain cancer, the chances are your period pains are just period pains.' As a 21 year old I just mumbled an apology and sat there feeling stupid. My mum, though, looked him dead in the eye and said 'she isn't making her pain up and the gp has referred her here, are you seriously willing to take the chance that you are completely wrong because you have some letters after your name and no uterus?' My mum would never be so rude usually but the guy was a condescending prick. Turns out I had endometriosis, a clubbed ovary and my womb and bowel had to be separated during surgery. Sometimes a young woman needs an experienced woman to say what she feels frightened to say. If she wants you there, go.

Dollymixture22 · 31/12/2019 18:06

Go with her, people take spouses to the doctors why not parents (although I have been attacked on mumsnet for saying that😊).

The earlier poster is correct about a referral - I got one when I found a lump, rang the receptionist who (despite being rude about me deciding to go for a private appointment) arranged a letter.

We all need to stand up for ourselves a bit more when accessing. Health services, and there is nothing wrong with a bit of moral support.

girlofthenorth · 31/12/2019 18:09

Yes agree with other posters - my DD19 likes to go on her own fur chronic problem but does need help sometimes - and the benefit of experience. Try and speak to the practice manager .

MidiMitch · 31/12/2019 18:10

I think it's dreadful the way young women are fobbed off by GPs. I spent my entire teenage years and early twenties being told it was normal to faint repeatedly through your cycle, be laid up for days and to flood repeatedly. Had such a big impact on me psychologically - was shy and terrified to ever do sleep overs or go on residentials with school. GPs told me it was totally normal. First day of working as a teacher fainted in the classroom and thought, 'this is going to seriously affect my professional life as well'. Registered as a temp patient at different docs, saw a different GP, referred to hospital, scan found endemetriosis and had a really simple procedure to remove and haven't looked back since. Makes me cross to think of all the wasted years...You should definitely be bolshy for your DD.

Strangerthingshere · 31/12/2019 18:11

If she wants you to go with her, then go

Ollypollydolly · 31/12/2019 18:12

How big is it OP? It’s very common and normal to have lymph nodes in the groin that measure 1.5cm max.

ImaHogg · 31/12/2019 18:14

My dd is only 11 but even if she was in her 20’s I would still go with her, help fight her corner and it’s always good to have an extra voice and second pair of ears because quite often your brain turns to mush when you are in a medical situation and you don’t take all the info in. The daughter of a a friend had the same thing as your dd, she had scans and a biopsy and thankfully it was an infected lymph node which was sorted out with antibiotics. Hopefully the same for your dd, good luck.

Bluerussian · 31/12/2019 18:15

Do go, it isn't right that she has had this swelling for so long, poor girl. It's up to her but if you go you can be more forceful than she would be on her own.

Spidey66 · 31/12/2019 18:15

If she's happy for you to go, go.

I'm a CPN, i often have family members attend for support.

When my late mum was having treatment for cancer, one of us often went to appointments with her.

Wynston · 31/12/2019 18:16

You never stop being a parent......if she is happy for you to go along then do so.
Hope she gets seen quickly.
Good luck

Original poster
SueDoeName · 31/12/2019 18:20

It's bigger than 1.5 cm now - it's been there 18 months and antibiotics haven't made any impact so to my mind it's not an infection.

OP posts:
PixieDustt · 31/12/2019 18:20

Go with her if she is happy for you to go. So many people get dismissed it's alarming.

Fr0g · 31/12/2019 18:23

ask her if she'd like you to go with her

Drum2018 · 31/12/2019 18:23

Make a private appointment asap. Not sure if you need referral in UK - hopefully not.

Topseyt · 31/12/2019 18:23

If she wants you to go with her for support then of course you should go. I would.

Some GPs do know people in the private sector, so even if they don't refer you, they can put you in touch so that you can make your own appointment.

BaolFan · 31/12/2019 18:24

Absolutely go with her. There is a recognised bias against women's health problems. If having her Mum with her will help get her taken seriously then do it. 18 months of this is not normal.

Ollypollydolly · 31/12/2019 18:26

She definitely needs to be seen ASAP and if she is happy for you to go to the doctor then definitely go. Does she have any other symptoms like night sweats, loss of appetite?

Livelovebehappy · 31/12/2019 18:26

Definitely go with her. A couple of incidences this year with the NHS has knocked my confidence in them. At one time I would take everything they said and did as gospel and never challenge, but I think GPs and hospitals are chaotic at the moment and you need to get your voice in there.

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